love spit

sebenarnya cinta boleh kekal sampai bila-bila kalau kau pandai caranya to nurture it. love after breaking up, love after friendship, love after marriage, love after the zillionth breakup.

yes, i'm fickle like this. i don't believe in eternal love but i don't really like the idea of people bashing their belief in love.

owh look. i'm covered in my own spit.

over and over and over and over

but it's over now.

manifesto survival untuk perempuan

lelaki yang kau tergila-gilakan, yang konon you can see your future with him perlu ada dua bank; money and love.

money, obviously everyone needs them. jangan rasa bersalah dengan sikap materialistik pasal duit itu boleh bagi jaminan untuk masa depan kau. betul. cinta yang kekal hanya untuk Dia, our maker.

love, kalau dia tidak ada a bank full of money, at least dia perlu ada love untuk kau. affections so that you won't feel neglected. dan dari love dia boleh berusaha to try and stay with you selama mungkin. we women memang perlu attentions. berapa banyak pun umur kau, ego tinggi langit mana pun, we were made this way.

so yeah, if he doesn't have the money, he better have a lotta love for yah. appreciate your existence so you can encourage and nurture him to be a better person. lelaki memang perlu jadi lebih better dari kau. bukanlah mahu samakan dengan binatang but contohilah mereka pasal yang betina hanya mahu yang terbaik to get the best genes for their cubs. the males siap berlawan to win the female's heart. or berlawan mana satu yang lebih cantik, menarik perhatian si betina.

well, kita sebenarnya tidak jauh beza dari animals pun. kita adalah spesies yang paling rakus, no?

here fishy, fishy

i didn't get ayam goreng at all last weekend. how frustrating.

but i scored. anak ikan comel. sayang, cuma tidak boleh bawa pulang. bukan tidak boleh tapi tidak dibenarkan.

"owh. meliar ye kau? haha. okay?"

"okay je. goreng pun sodap."

entri ini pula adalah to the beats of Pacific!'s Runaway To Elsewhere (Breakbot Remix)

he said my life is full of colours. correction: the colours are in my head. dalam kepala aku ada this neon city, yang macam Las Vegas or Tokyo tapi penghuninya adalah dikalangan Jar Jar Binks, C3PO, Bender and the likes. once in a blue moon, hari akan jadi siang dan everybody will go to the beach, skinny dipping in the clear blue water.

my life on the other hand, mundane. aku pergi kerja hari Isnin and can’t wait for Friday to come (itu pun kalau aku tidak perlu bekerja on the weekend). weekend..hmm..weekend aku tidak ada yang tetap. kadang-kadang akan terlepas dengan begitu sahaja. depends on my friends where they’re heading because i am not that head-of-the-pack type.

ini life mundane orang yang tiada passion tapi sepenuhnya pouring her passion into love yang always, always, mengecewakan. sigh.

but what the hell, it’s Friday today and i should go out and makan ayam goreng till the break of dawn.

tajuk entri ini adalah Daft Punk's Make Love

get it? bukan tajuk lagu itu tapi lagunya. score-nya. tidak ada lirik tapi beat-nya sesuai. lagu make love untuk aku adalah lagu-lagu Franz Ferdinand dan Placebo.

i think i'm the easiest to please. Elle and Anne said so. well, comparing to them i am way easier. but i don't know if easier to please means easy to get too. as in easy to get and easy to understand. in my case, i'm obviously sort of complicated to understand. or maybe i am easy to understand cuma yang lain insisted yang aku ini susah untuk difahami. hah. how's that?

pasal aku selalu rasa aku sudah habis think the matter over, fikir masak-masak dan outcome-nya adalah keputusan yang paling logik. hmm..macam ayat self-centered but this time i’m sure it’s right, how i decide on things. how i’m confident enough? i confide people with different types of perspectives jadi bila conclusion-nya led to one, that’s the answer.

atau aku putar belit kesimpulan yang lain untuk agree with me?

some people take it pretty well some take it all out on themselves

you could've buy a car. or get a house instead. or get a ring and force me to say 'i do' to you. and then we'll go away for the most unforgettable honey moon.

wait. maybe better belanja me to a slimming session.

you know, the best thing you could've done is maybe get me a bouquet of flowers and win my heart with your typical sorry cookies. yes, must be love. must be i just need that attention.

aku sudah freaked out dan kini menyorok. the cabin in the mountains is in my head. fictions generator aku sudah mula start engine.

mandrem

remember what your mom said?

"cari yang sayang kau lebih."

maksudnya...bagi dia makan nasi kangkang ke?

life is somewhat fair enough

yes, i shall be a wife one day. a fat one at that. and my husband will leave me for a younger skinny, pretty girl but that's okay because as long as i stay a loyal wife, God shall place me in heaven (where there are other single men resembling Jon Kortajarena or Pharrell Williams or Anthony Kiedis)

eh. have to stay a loyal wife & also loyal to God. of course

Elle said, "we can never get everything,huh?". I replied, "mestilah. pasal kita pun tak bagi Tuhan everything He asked for."

tentang Ahmad

ceritanya bermula dengan lampu neon warna-warni, loud music, intoxicated crowd dan sepasang sneakers. Nike to be precise. owh, dan sofa malas favourite masing-masing yang bertandang. i don't know him, haven't seen him before tapi aku tidak pasti kenapa i was suddenly attracted to him. yes, a crush. at that time, i was someone else's. but it's just a crush, right? i tried to make conversation but he doesn't talk much. well, neither do i. setahun lebih agaknya aku layan crush-stalking online. secretly wanted to be at the same venue that he's attending. but i didn't really made any move pasal apparently he's a friend of a friend and you what they say about dating someone from your same circle of friends: nahas.

tapi aku memang suka konon tunjuk gangster jadi i decided untuk cari pasal. what exactly triggered me was the fact that i was dating someone else at the moment and he seemed serious about it jadi aku cuak. aku fikir, let's just try my luck asking the sneaker guy out before i get serious with anyone. he doesn't talk much jadi aku assume he won't agree. tapi bila aku beritahu dia hajat di hati, he asked, "so when?". kau rasa positive remark dari a crush rasanya macam mana? of course cloud nine. so we went for a date. then twice and thrice and a few more. after about two years single, suddenly he said he was ready for a relationship. of course i freaked out because i knew from the beginning i don't fit his bill at all. like, if there's a casting session, belum sempat isi borang, aku dah forfeited. when i asked him why he decided on me, he said, "i can't explain it but you're..something." jadi sampai hari ini aku masih tidak tahu apa yang buat dia mahu aku. bilamasa aku tanya, dia hanya akan jawab yang itu atau change the subject.

i have doubts. dulu dan sekarang the doubts are taking over. jadi aku perlu sesuatu yang mutlak untuk aku lepaskan nafas lega. sayang itu ada tapi still, something's missing. i know i'm being selfish pasal sibuk cari chemistry. salahkah kalau aku rasa chemistry itu penting? Andre kata aku patut chill. aku mahu but i couldn't help myself from comparing.

kalau rindu patut saja cari dan hug him from behind, sifat aku macam itu. tapi why should i go to that spot again when i know that things between us won't change? he'll still be ignorant like that, i'll still keep on finding chemistry/faults/what-nots. Anne said, "while we're busy being choosy, other people are being choosy too. so try and compromise." aku rasa aku dah cuba compromise but to no avail. or it's just me being very spoiled by my past love-encounters. tapi kalau malas mahu fikir lagi, shows that you don't really care pun, kan?



"he loves me but i love you more
he loves me but i love you more"

jual mahal

the idea is for you to always want me.

that's why i will never be yours.

out with the old, in with the new

kau luahkan kata-kata hate. curse automatically whenever you hear his name. kau spit on the ground that he walked on. bila bulan mengambang, kau menyalak.

tapi aku dan yang lain-lain nampak, ayat-ayat yang kau jaja tidak diakhiri dengan noktah. instead it's all tears.

perempuan, sakit boleh hilang tapi parut luka masih kekal. tapi tidak perlu gusar pasal ada make-up to cover it all up.

besides, kau ada barang baru. while wiping your tears and blowing that period with your shisha smoke, have fun with your new toy.