abah made up a story. or somebody made it up and then had the time of telling it to him. and then he told Mili and she'll do the usual.
ada seorang raja yang ada tiga orang anak. yang pertama macam tamak dan kedekut sangat. so the raja pun buang negeri si anaknya yang sulung itu. anak yang ketiga pula, ada perasaan hasad dengki dan cemburu yang membuak-buak. dia juga dibuang negeri. negeri yang lain. the second child though, dia macam tidak ambil port sangat. apa sajalah perangai adik-beradiknya itu. dan si raja sangat menyenangi perangai anak keduanya itu. sebagai ganjaran, negara yang diperintah olehnya diturunkan kepada the second child.
okay. sekarang part teka-teki.
1- apa nama negara anak pertama?
2- apa nama negara anak ketiga?
3- apa nama negara anak kedua?
kata-kata pembayang: anak ketiga terlalu mencemburui anak kedua pasal he got the dad's country yang kaya dengan mineral.
selamat mencuba.
Isnin, September 28
Rabu, September 9
gelombang nestapa
at night, i still have unwanted dreams. not exactly nightmares, cuma perkara yang aku tidak mahu lihat waktu tidur. untuk seseorang yang lebih kurang senang terpengaruh dengan mimpi, it's kind of unhealthy for me to be having the dreams. kadang-kadang, it goes on for weeks. situation lain-lain tapi always the same plot di mana pada hujung mimpi ada cue untuk reality kemudian baru aku terjaga. it never ended sweetly. always, always mimpi itu akan berpanjangan sampai part reality muncul.
anne cakap, "layankan aje."
mili, "itu mainan perasaan. it's just you. itu semua past."
it's tiring to be getting this stuff which i don't need it at all. macam ditanya soalan yang sama berulang-kali, macam iklan raya Petronas where the boy kept asking, "burung apa?". mungkin aku sendiri yang invite the reality to come in my dreams where the situations were obviously surreal dan aku ada doubts about it. sort of the law of attractions. memang terang-terangan kau, aku tahu the solution. but it's easier said than done.
personally, aku rasa hope hanya buat kita lebih sengsara.
anne cakap, "layankan aje."
mili, "itu mainan perasaan. it's just you. itu semua past."
it's tiring to be getting this stuff which i don't need it at all. macam ditanya soalan yang sama berulang-kali, macam iklan raya Petronas where the boy kept asking, "burung apa?". mungkin aku sendiri yang invite the reality to come in my dreams where the situations were obviously surreal dan aku ada doubts about it. sort of the law of attractions. memang terang-terangan kau, aku tahu the solution. but it's easier said than done.
personally, aku rasa hope hanya buat kita lebih sengsara.
Selasa, September 8
calm down
i have tonnes of stuff to spill here tapi sayang, everytime aku click New Post, those words just shied away.
since most of the posts here, yang panjang-panjang adalah dari category whines, depressions dan segala jenis kemurungan, sebab aku sudah jarang post bukan pasal aku happy. okay-lah, belum happy tapi maybe tidak se-pathetic dulu. sekarang aku layan baca Amir Hafizi. owh. juga bukan writer's block pasal aku bukan writer pun. i can imagine myself get beaten up by real writers pasal penggunaan bahasa songsang aku. kiri-kanan-atas-bawah. nasib baik gua anonymous.
by the way, aku activate semula akaun Twitter atas sebab-sebab tertentu yang tidak munasabah.
since most of the posts here, yang panjang-panjang adalah dari category whines, depressions dan segala jenis kemurungan, sebab aku sudah jarang post bukan pasal aku happy. okay-lah, belum happy tapi maybe tidak se-pathetic dulu. sekarang aku layan baca Amir Hafizi. owh. juga bukan writer's block pasal aku bukan writer pun. i can imagine myself get beaten up by real writers pasal penggunaan bahasa songsang aku. kiri-kanan-atas-bawah. nasib baik gua anonymous.
by the way, aku activate semula akaun Twitter atas sebab-sebab tertentu yang tidak munasabah.
Jumaat, Ogos 28
staring at the ceiling
macam bosanlah post entries on perasaan. yang konon hal deep sangat. aku mahu start post everyday journal.
mari cuba.
lebih kurang 5am tadi aku terjaga and then tanpa apa-apa motif penting, aku log in laptop dan biarkan YM online. kemudian aku sambung tidur sampai lebih kurang 7am dan di luar tingkap aku dengar bunyi hujan and everyone knows how the sound of rain in the morning sangatlah mengiurkan. jadi, aku sambung tidur. about 30 minutes later, i woke up pasal aku cuba mahu mendisiplinkan diri untuk pergi kerja awal pasal malam semalam when i was driving back i thought to myself, if i can make myself not eat rice on weekdays (i heart nasi, mind you) why can't i try do it in other parts of my life? the more important parts. so yeah, aku tiba 15 minutes early. on most days, aku sampai either 30 minutes late or more. hari ini Mills tumpang aku pasal dia malas mahu drive. bila sampai office, aku sambung buat brochure yang aku tinggalkan sehelai-sepinggang semalam. sekarang, sudah masuk waktu lunch and eventhough aku tidak puasa, i'm not eating pasal ada orang sudah tegur i've gained weight. dan semalam aku tengok cermin, my reflection sudah macam bloated. hari ini masih belum tengok cermin. hanya part muka saja.
maannn, i suck at this.
mari cuba.
lebih kurang 5am tadi aku terjaga and then tanpa apa-apa motif penting, aku log in laptop dan biarkan YM online. kemudian aku sambung tidur sampai lebih kurang 7am dan di luar tingkap aku dengar bunyi hujan and everyone knows how the sound of rain in the morning sangatlah mengiurkan. jadi, aku sambung tidur. about 30 minutes later, i woke up pasal aku cuba mahu mendisiplinkan diri untuk pergi kerja awal pasal malam semalam when i was driving back i thought to myself, if i can make myself not eat rice on weekdays (i heart nasi, mind you) why can't i try do it in other parts of my life? the more important parts. so yeah, aku tiba 15 minutes early. on most days, aku sampai either 30 minutes late or more. hari ini Mills tumpang aku pasal dia malas mahu drive. bila sampai office, aku sambung buat brochure yang aku tinggalkan sehelai-sepinggang semalam. sekarang, sudah masuk waktu lunch and eventhough aku tidak puasa, i'm not eating pasal ada orang sudah tegur i've gained weight. dan semalam aku tengok cermin, my reflection sudah macam bloated. hari ini masih belum tengok cermin. hanya part muka saja.
maannn, i suck at this.
Jumaat, Ogos 21
E. is for stable
everytime kalau ada orang cakap "flying colours" mesti dalam kepala aku ada strands of colourful ribbons macam berlalu pantas. brightly coloured ribbons yang macam selalu dilekatkan pada air-cond untuk display.
2-3 hari ini aku ada satu craving pelik untuk buat makeover for Vans's room. aku tidak pasti idea datang dari mana but i just think it would be fun to do it. maybe i just need to channel whatever's going on inside, perasaan atau pemikiran, on something. dan aku rasa dia adalah mangsa yang sesuai pasal dia terlalu busy untuk buat benda-benda macam itu so maybe i can be some kind of help for him, no?
or prolly he'll just freak out thinking that maybe aku sudah perasan konon we're in a relationship. all i need is just a canvas. nothing wrong, right?
2-3 hari ini aku ada satu craving pelik untuk buat makeover for Vans's room. aku tidak pasti idea datang dari mana but i just think it would be fun to do it. maybe i just need to channel whatever's going on inside, perasaan atau pemikiran, on something. dan aku rasa dia adalah mangsa yang sesuai pasal dia terlalu busy untuk buat benda-benda macam itu so maybe i can be some kind of help for him, no?
or prolly he'll just freak out thinking that maybe aku sudah perasan konon we're in a relationship. all i need is just a canvas. nothing wrong, right?
Isnin, Ogos 17
no, i tried so hard to catch your eye
apa-apa jenis ship selain dari yang tertera di status Facebook adalah relationship miscellaneous. jadi, kalau kawan kau tanya, "korang ni apa sebenarnya?" untuk tidak menaikkan goosebumps by answering, "TTM, teman tapi mesra," kau jawab, "it's a miscellaneous relationship."
maybe bunyi lebih urban with percikan coolness.
maybe bunyi lebih urban with percikan coolness.
Isnin, Ogos 10
how we long for a life as a slave
Al cakap, "kau ni, sebenarnya, takut kehilangan."
siapa tidak takut bila both of your closest girlfriends are getting married next year? when i read the text message Anne sent me, tiba-tiba aku rasa gelisah dan waktu aku jumpa Al di gerai makan, i couldn't hold back the tears. eek. sudah besar pun mahu menangis in public places. the thing is, not that i too wanna get married it's just the idea of that person yang kau selalu hold on to, akan berubah into someone else. bull shit-lah kalau mereka cakap they'll stay the same. yes, i have party friends tapi aku jenis yang agak susah untuk get intimate. bila aku rasa susah hati, aku akan cari tiga orang; Elle, Anne dan Al. kalau semua sudah busy dengan spouse masing-masing, aku mahu cari siapa to cry my whole heart out to?
so i told them about Vans last night. Al macam serba-salah giving me suggestions about it. Anne tried to sooth me down. all i wanted was for us to talk about it. pasal aku rasa when the topic is about me, aku rasa macam ada orang yang masih kisah pasal aku. i didn't really care what they had to say, i just needed a conversation. and i told him how i was a bitch (i'm not sure if i am still one) dan kenapa aku rasa gelisah about things. really, it wasn't actually a big deal when Vans said he's gonna stay single forever tapi mungkin with that statement, it will never work between the two of us. it exhausted Al and Anne when i didn't know what i wanted actually. kemudian, Anne's boyfriend mencelah, inserting solution yang paling clear which is, if you enjoy the idea, why not? dia cakap, "enjoy it while it lasts la and bila you dah bosan, leave him." funny how we sometimes know the fact all along tapi saja mengada-ngada mahu orang lain point it out. so yeah, i've decided to hold on to Peter's words. dan brush off perasaan vulnerable.
juga nasib menyebelahi aku that currently my phoneline's barred.
owh. owh. owh. how dare i forget the one who wouldn't mind listening and talk about things with me yang buat masa sekarang aku boleh percaya pada dia that she won't go away, leave me dan buat aku rasa kehilangan. i should do the session more with her because i guess, we're both still learning about things.
siapa tidak takut bila both of your closest girlfriends are getting married next year? when i read the text message Anne sent me, tiba-tiba aku rasa gelisah dan waktu aku jumpa Al di gerai makan, i couldn't hold back the tears. eek. sudah besar pun mahu menangis in public places. the thing is, not that i too wanna get married it's just the idea of that person yang kau selalu hold on to, akan berubah into someone else. bull shit-lah kalau mereka cakap they'll stay the same. yes, i have party friends tapi aku jenis yang agak susah untuk get intimate. bila aku rasa susah hati, aku akan cari tiga orang; Elle, Anne dan Al. kalau semua sudah busy dengan spouse masing-masing, aku mahu cari siapa to cry my whole heart out to?
so i told them about Vans last night. Al macam serba-salah giving me suggestions about it. Anne tried to sooth me down. all i wanted was for us to talk about it. pasal aku rasa when the topic is about me, aku rasa macam ada orang yang masih kisah pasal aku. i didn't really care what they had to say, i just needed a conversation. and i told him how i was a bitch (i'm not sure if i am still one) dan kenapa aku rasa gelisah about things. really, it wasn't actually a big deal when Vans said he's gonna stay single forever tapi mungkin with that statement, it will never work between the two of us. it exhausted Al and Anne when i didn't know what i wanted actually. kemudian, Anne's boyfriend mencelah, inserting solution yang paling clear which is, if you enjoy the idea, why not? dia cakap, "enjoy it while it lasts la and bila you dah bosan, leave him." funny how we sometimes know the fact all along tapi saja mengada-ngada mahu orang lain point it out. so yeah, i've decided to hold on to Peter's words. dan brush off perasaan vulnerable.
juga nasib menyebelahi aku that currently my phoneline's barred.
owh. owh. owh. how dare i forget the one who wouldn't mind listening and talk about things with me yang buat masa sekarang aku boleh percaya pada dia that she won't go away, leave me dan buat aku rasa kehilangan. i should do the session more with her because i guess, we're both still learning about things.
Khamis, Ogos 6
Rabu, Ogos 5
freedom's the source of the lightning sparks when you're dancing
lagu Ima Robot, STD Dance.
dan badannya liang-liuk ikut beat. kedua tangannya bermain-main dengan her own hair yang kerap-kali dibisikkan sendiri, masih tidak cukup panjang to be beautiful. matanya bergerak melihat the whole dark room yang hanya diterangi lampu next door neighbour. dan berhenti melihat mata opponent. he was looking at her expressionless sambil menghulurkan tembakau yang dibalut sendiri. she nod her head to the beat again dan capai.
head still moving, and suddenly the room was filled with shots of colours. started off with small dots kemudian jadi bigger. splashes. psychedelic colours. tembakau campuran. dia nampak cahaya lampu neon yang biasa dilihat at her usual last resort on weekends. she was doing some moves that she saw on a movie yesterday. ruang kosong di bilik itu digunakan sehabis-habisnya. buka mata, muka opponent berada hanya 3 inci darinya. pantas ada shots of images di belakang matanya. satisfactions, faith, hope, destruction, love, envy. jari-jari opponent sampai di belakang bahunya, mencari tattoo 'kepercayaan' dengan font script yang dia buat setahun lalu di pulau sana. masih menari liang-liuk, her head rested against her opponent's. masih ada splashes of neon psychedelic colours.
he said, "be my psychedelic girl" dan si penari inhale dalam-dalam lebihan tembakau.
dan badannya liang-liuk ikut beat. kedua tangannya bermain-main dengan her own hair yang kerap-kali dibisikkan sendiri, masih tidak cukup panjang to be beautiful. matanya bergerak melihat the whole dark room yang hanya diterangi lampu next door neighbour. dan berhenti melihat mata opponent. he was looking at her expressionless sambil menghulurkan tembakau yang dibalut sendiri. she nod her head to the beat again dan capai.
head still moving, and suddenly the room was filled with shots of colours. started off with small dots kemudian jadi bigger. splashes. psychedelic colours. tembakau campuran. dia nampak cahaya lampu neon yang biasa dilihat at her usual last resort on weekends. she was doing some moves that she saw on a movie yesterday. ruang kosong di bilik itu digunakan sehabis-habisnya. buka mata, muka opponent berada hanya 3 inci darinya. pantas ada shots of images di belakang matanya. satisfactions, faith, hope, destruction, love, envy. jari-jari opponent sampai di belakang bahunya, mencari tattoo 'kepercayaan' dengan font script yang dia buat setahun lalu di pulau sana. masih menari liang-liuk, her head rested against her opponent's. masih ada splashes of neon psychedelic colours.
he said, "be my psychedelic girl" dan si penari inhale dalam-dalam lebihan tembakau.
Isnin, Ogos 3
this time we fight fire with fire
Khamis malam, aku pergi berdiri di tingkat atas, by the glass panel dan tersengih tengok perempuan-perempuan di podium tingkat bawah bergesel with each other sambil aku juga gelek, gelek, gelek. tapi aku gelek seorang pasal aku tidak gemar mahu gesel-gesel pasal macam geli semacam. seperti biasa, ada saja orang yang tidak boleh tengok aku enjoy sendiri. so this black guy came up to me dan minta phone number sekaligus tanya pukul berapa yang dia boleh call aku. i told him, "i don't entertain calls anymore," and when he asked why, i said, "because i'm seeing someone."
mestilah it was a lie. duh!
but i do like this one guy, you know? cuma pada aku dia sesuatu yang tidak pasti. kau tidak boleh budget sangat what goes on in his mind. dan aku memang malas pun mahu tanya sana-sini pasal his past pasal aku takut kalau ada cerita yang tidak best sampai ke telinga aku. in denial, kan? so sue me. anyway, i was talking about my situations with this guy dengan seorang kawan yang sedang melalui post-break up. and then she brought up this question: do you like him or the idea of him? tidak payah fikir panjang untuk aku jawab soalan itu. since i don't know why i'm so attracted to him of course jawapannya adalah the idea of him. tidak payah cerita banyak, he got good manners, he's tanned, he dives. memang aku suka yang muka-muka melayu, macam ada sedikit unsur Jawa. dan dia ada sofa pusing di rumahnya. no, no. belum terjadi apa-apa di atasnya, i assure you. ha ha.
jadi 2-3 hari aku fikir pasal soalan tersebut. kemudian aku fed up pasal kenapa mahu complicate things? i mean, can't i just like him for whatever reason yang ada? yes, i'm kind of head over heels on this guy, but i don't believe it's love yet. like he called me up mahu ajak lepak at his house and Al said i shouldn't go because, "kau nak jadi booty call dia ke?" habis, booty call aku siapa mahu jawab?
okay lah. that's not the whole point. aku tidak faham kenapa perlu ask around on my next actions pasal biasanya bila aku tanya close friends, i'll go against their suggestions (so, okay. itu problem aku). point yang sebenar-benarnya adalah, kenapalah benda-benda yang berkaitan dengan perasaan boleh jadi sangat complicated macam ini? aku jadi bosanlah kena fikir perkara-perkara yang perlu aku buat dan yang perlu dielakkan. these unwritten laws. contoh, kalau fuck buddies kau tidak boleh tunjuk cemburu sangat or apa-apalah. promiscuous and shits. banyak sangat klasifikasi.
jadi, sekarang ini, lelaki atau perempuan yang harus dipersalahkan for complicating things? the easiest way i guess is for the two individuals to straighten things out. ada risikolah di sini. tapi siapa yang mahu mulakan? dan kalau the other party seorang yang suka melarikan diri dari straightening things out, memang sengsara.
currently, lebih kurang macam aku.
mestilah it was a lie. duh!
but i do like this one guy, you know? cuma pada aku dia sesuatu yang tidak pasti. kau tidak boleh budget sangat what goes on in his mind. dan aku memang malas pun mahu tanya sana-sini pasal his past pasal aku takut kalau ada cerita yang tidak best sampai ke telinga aku. in denial, kan? so sue me. anyway, i was talking about my situations with this guy dengan seorang kawan yang sedang melalui post-break up. and then she brought up this question: do you like him or the idea of him? tidak payah fikir panjang untuk aku jawab soalan itu. since i don't know why i'm so attracted to him of course jawapannya adalah the idea of him. tidak payah cerita banyak, he got good manners, he's tanned, he dives. memang aku suka yang muka-muka melayu, macam ada sedikit unsur Jawa. dan dia ada sofa pusing di rumahnya. no, no. belum terjadi apa-apa di atasnya, i assure you. ha ha.
jadi 2-3 hari aku fikir pasal soalan tersebut. kemudian aku fed up pasal kenapa mahu complicate things? i mean, can't i just like him for whatever reason yang ada? yes, i'm kind of head over heels on this guy, but i don't believe it's love yet. like he called me up mahu ajak lepak at his house and Al said i shouldn't go because, "kau nak jadi booty call dia ke?" habis, booty call aku siapa mahu jawab?
okay lah. that's not the whole point. aku tidak faham kenapa perlu ask around on my next actions pasal biasanya bila aku tanya close friends, i'll go against their suggestions (so, okay. itu problem aku). point yang sebenar-benarnya adalah, kenapalah benda-benda yang berkaitan dengan perasaan boleh jadi sangat complicated macam ini? aku jadi bosanlah kena fikir perkara-perkara yang perlu aku buat dan yang perlu dielakkan. these unwritten laws. contoh, kalau fuck buddies kau tidak boleh tunjuk cemburu sangat or apa-apalah. promiscuous and shits. banyak sangat klasifikasi.
jadi, sekarang ini, lelaki atau perempuan yang harus dipersalahkan for complicating things? the easiest way i guess is for the two individuals to straighten things out. ada risikolah di sini. tapi siapa yang mahu mulakan? dan kalau the other party seorang yang suka melarikan diri dari straightening things out, memang sengsara.
currently, lebih kurang macam aku.
he's the one that you see sometimes on t.v.
di hujung filem itu, ada view pantai di waktu subuh. walaupun air waktu pagi adalah air pasang, tapi shot camera jauh, buat scene lebih dramatik. di langit pula ada seekor burung yang terbang, circling the same spot. juga ada silhoutte a couple holding each other. satu kombinasi yang sempurna, kan? everything. because it's a movie. movies memang perfect macam itu.
bukan macam hidup kita yang sebenar. once in a blue moon sahaja kau akan come across scenes macam ini.
ada kawan aku tag di Facebook satu questionaire yang ada kena-mengena dengan past relationships. well, this is fun.
bukan macam hidup kita yang sebenar. once in a blue moon sahaja kau akan come across scenes macam ini.
ada kawan aku tag di Facebook satu questionaire yang ada kena-mengena dengan past relationships. well, this is fun.
Rabu, Julai 29
you can be a sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare
Mili replied to my last night's ever so depressing text:
'i think one day he'll wake up and realize that he was stupid enough for playing the game and didn't give you the chance you deserve. you're wonderful in every way and you don't need him to help you see that. you'll get what you want just the way you want it, all you need to do is believe in yourself. ;)'
aauuww...mesti kamu semua cemburu i got a sweet sister macam ini. i'm so happy today despite the rain and missing breakfast session with Ledisordre (i'm really sorry!). i mean, i can't help it, the sky's a nice shade of blue and Beyonce's videoclip for Sweet Dreams is stunning.
eh. tapi part 'wonderful in every way' hanya rekaan semata-mata (memang ayat kiss-ass pun).
'i think one day he'll wake up and realize that he was stupid enough for playing the game and didn't give you the chance you deserve. you're wonderful in every way and you don't need him to help you see that. you'll get what you want just the way you want it, all you need to do is believe in yourself. ;)'
aauuww...mesti kamu semua cemburu i got a sweet sister macam ini. i'm so happy today despite the rain and missing breakfast session with Ledisordre (i'm really sorry!). i mean, i can't help it, the sky's a nice shade of blue and Beyonce's videoclip for Sweet Dreams is stunning.
eh. tapi part 'wonderful in every way' hanya rekaan semata-mata (memang ayat kiss-ass pun).
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