don't panic, don't panic it's just the trick of the lights

i should be a hipster

In his book Jazz, Frank Tirro defines the 1940s hipster:

"To the hipster, Bird was a living justification of their philosophy. The hipster is an underground man. He is to the Secaond World War what the dadaist was to the first. He is amoral, anarchistic, gentle, and overcivilized to the point of decadence. He is always ten steps ahead of the game because of his awareness, an example of which might be meeting a girl and rejecting her, because he knows they will date, hold hands, kiss, neck, pet, fornicate, perhaps marry, divorce—so why start the whole thing? He knows the hypocrisy of bureaucracy, the hatred implicit in religions—so what values are left for him?—except to go through life avoiding pain, keep his emotions in check, and after that, "be cool," and look for kicks. He is looking for something that transcends all this bullshit and finds it in jazz."

heartbroken gila babi

slap! slap! slap!

it's better now or never, innit? jadi, seperti biasa, mulakan strategi:

inhale. exhale.

avoid jauh-jauh kryptonite itu.

dahi licin, darah muda

owh. aku tweet pasal kalau jumpa lelaki muka iras Bieber di tempat bersosial, i wouldn't wanna waste a chance of tasting some.

i saw a glimpse of cherry boy. we acted like strangers to each other. i remember that moment when i saw him. ada lagu "you know you love me, i know you care" dalam kepala.

rupanya aku sudah taste a 'Bieber' two months ago. haha.

you know every woman is a whore deep inside

everybody's alright on a Friday night.

i was alright. with puppy next to me, riding towards 'alright'. until you texted. kecamuk. kemudian, jumpa kau, i was alright again. your warmth was inviting. but really, what was it that you were looking for? i felt that familiar feeling. and the longings, answered.

but why did you leave so sudden? i wanted to grab you, to make you stay. but i wasn't sure if you, yourself wanted to stay.

this morning i imagine myself getting married to that faraway guy. aku agak itu solution paling baik, get married and start a totally new life. but then i thought of you dan aku jadi sedih. pasal aku rasa kalau aku beritahu kau, you wouldn't give a damn pun.

sayangnya aku pada kau. this is it. another familiar feeling all over again. will i be another whore again?

i found the status you posted two months back

dua manusia duduk atas kerusi santai, bawah pokok rendang, menghadap tasik. yang perempuan, pegang rokok, yang lelaki curi tengok, geleng sikit kepala.

lelaki kata, "you ingat tak?"

perempuan jawab, "yeasayer. i remember."

so here's to existentialism

i turned another year older. happy happy? this year's celebration was awesome. slightly out of control but alright. didn't get to see Lucy but met Gary instead. very seductive. but no new year's kiss.

2011, should live healthy. should stop whining, regretting & the lots. this year's keyword shall be 'don't give up'.

the next boyfriend shall be the one to put a ring on my finger. hopefully. have faith.

aku ke kau yang emo?

whateverwhateverwhateverwhateverwhateverwhateverwhateverwhateverwhateverwhateverwhateverwhateverwhateverwhateverwhateverwhateverwhateverwhateverwhateverwhateverwhateverwhateverwhateverwhateverwhateverwhateverwhateverwhateverwhateverwhateverwhateverwhateverwhateverwhateverwhateverwhateverwhateverwhateverwhateverwhatever

immature much? YES. BUT DO I LOOK LIKE I GIVE A DAMN? NO.

i wish i could fix you, robot

i had a bad dream. i woke up and tried to call him but no answer. he said, "if anything, text up." and then i posted this on my wall:

You always win because I let you to. Because deep inside, you're an immature fragile soul. Your high wall of ego is all around, covering you up. But one day, someone will manage to crush it, get to you and squeeze your heart out just so it will beat again. Nothing is forever, remember?



i'm tired of him, popping up in my head first thing in the morning. not worth the space.

but i did want a conversation. i did!

dear Mike,

you managed to bring out the worst in me that night at that lil' club. i'm sorry, i was too startled to say anything intelligent.

i know i wrote somewhere in here that i'll say hi the next time i saw/met you. well, i guess i've forgotten about it. my God. how lame.

maafkan saya kerana saya tidak pandai berkata-kata. ergh!

kalau kau tahu, aku tahu kau akan lebih jual mahal

wish i could love you like how i love si anak kucing; cinta yang tidak perlu dibalas. cinta percuma. tapi yang aku rasa inside ini mahu you pay for it. with infinity of attentions.

bestnya jadi mereka yang boleh jumpa, tengok kau everyday. best sangat.

nothing can come close to this familiar feeling

Elle tanya, "kau rindu Ahmad?"

"ada. hmm..maybe aku rindu something else but somehow he came up in my mind. aku rindu pegang tangan."

Elle balas, "kau suka pegang tangan, kan?"

i shrugged, nodded.