Defensive

Kipling berseloroh, "Di kalangan para penipu, pada satu masa, yang paling penipu adalah ketakutan kau sendiri."

Juga lebih kurang macam in-denial lah.

I have a friend called Happy and he's good at making people think he's always happy

Dulu aku suka tanya soalan bodoh: Are you happy?

Always bila aku tanya aku tidak pasti jawapan sebenarnya tapi aku rasa it's a stupid question to ask walaupun the reason hanya mahu kill the silence.

Or mungkin aku mahu dengar: I'm happy but not that happy now that you're gone.

Damn aku suka rasa kemenangan. Yes, aku kira semuanya hanya permainan semata. I bet i look like a damn serious person but hey, kau tidak tahu apa yang sedang berlaku dalam kepala otak aku.

Sangkut di tengah-tengah

I'm in that situation again where i'm stuck in the middle. Dulu, between girlfriend & boyfriend. Hari ini, between girlfriend & her enemy/rival. Currently, i'm taking pattern making class upstairs in one of the studios. Bergurukan dengan a talented someone who have history sama Elle. I'm in the same office as Elle jadi you can imagine betapa susahnya mahu get to class in the evening. Why i put myself in this situation again pasal aku rasa history mereka macam perkara remeh, gaduh over blog dan masing-masing pun memang mulut laser. Haihh..but guru is a talented passionate person & her class is affordable & dekat dengan rumah, offer paling flexible so far.

I know i'm a bad girlfriend, selfish. I don't know how long i can keep this to myself.

Reconsider

Aku rindu my dearest Blogspot so so much :(

The new place doesn't feel homey at all. Terlalu terang for my emotions.

Senandung mendung

Been seeing you in my sleep. Everyday. For a week now. Like deja vu, just a different person. I like seeing you in my sleep but not every night because i don't like this in denial feeling of the fact that i'm still here, not moving anywhere. It's like waiting for something that i know will never arrive. Such a waste of time.

Lately, whenever i write here, i have an image of you in my head, sitting in front of me. Macam having a conversation dengan kau but not exactly having one. Bunyinya macam orang gila but heck, it's not like you're reading this anyway. Dan readers yang singgah sini bukannya tahu how i look like or how you look like. So kita safe. I gotta say, this dark space is my comfort zone. Tapi yang bermula pastinya akan berakhir.

I should stop all this nonsense. These sappy pathetic writings, whether it's a therapy or not, if it's working or making things worse. Looking back, aku macam tak sangka that i've been posting since 2007. Wow, i'm that pathetic huh? I do love writing, tidak kisahlah yang masuk akal atau pun tidak dan aku pun tidak kisah if ada yang tidak faham, so be it. I decided long time ago that my writings are subjective so up to the readers what they understand from it. It's like a piece of art. Kau fahami ikut cara kau sendiri.

I will miss this. A lot. Tapi macam harapan, one day kau perlu berhenti.

Macam barang-barang preloved yang aku jual. Sayang mahu let go tapi kalau dibiarkan nanti buat semak kepala. So..is this it? Is this goodbye?

Call me back

I dreamed that one of the boys told me you wanted to see me. I was weirded out but at the same time sort of excited.

Weirded out because you're not that type who would wanna see me and then pass the message to your friends. Weirded out pasal kita bukan type yang cari balik.

Lucid dreaming. I think i'll watch Science of Sleep to sleep tonight. Like how i used to.

Black, black heart

If you miss me, come see me.

But if i miss you, i don't think it's a good idea to come looking for you. If i come just to see you from afar, i'll be labeled as gila bayang. Stalker. A psycho, probably.

Kenapa eh, kita terhalang oleh perkara-perkara unwritten, to say out loud? Macam tiada freedom of speech, pasal takut di-label. Kenapa manusia suka me-label sesuatu? Manusia adalah makhluk paling misteri di dunia.

Atau perkara-perkara unwritten sebenarnya wujud for our own good? A shield. A protection.

Namanya ego.

Suami Elle kata lelaki sebenarnya susah mahu move on. COME ON. That's a total lie. Everyone knows species merekalah yang paling cepat move on. Or maybe he's the sentimental type. Mungkin nasib aku memang hanya akan bertembung dengan yang hati kering. Hati kering macam aku (ex-boss cakap).

Let's just be cruel for our own pleasure. Hurt other people instead of getting hurt myself. I hate myself for being bitter & skeptical but i guess it's the only solution to face the coming days.

I hope he had the time of his life

Segala yang bermula, pasti ada akhirnya. A new life born, another life gone.

Innalillah wa-inna ilaihi raji'un. Al-Fatihah.

Bila penat, kita stop

Aku macam sudah mula penat dengan perkara-perkara sementara. But i wouldn't mind a hug. A familiar friendly hug. Comforting. Macam connection.

Vans ajak main sofa pusing. 2-3 kali, but i declined. Guess i'm not into it/him anymore. Asked for a favor and wanted to repay me by getting me high. I didn't really like the idea. Whatever he did to me back then, subconsciously, it's happening to him.

I still wonder if these letters sampai ke tangan si penerima atau tidak. Surat-surat yang aku hembuskan ke langit malam. Aku harap angin tidak curi tulang.

I shall get that ride to reality pasal aku rasa macam aku sudah jauh hanyut in my own world of stop-motion animation.

Sweet, sour and salty times

The Notebook: If someone can give you a reason to why they love you..they don't love you, they like you. Love is based on emotion not definition.

Despite all the coldness, i must've loved you for what you are/were. Five months gone and still i miss you. Of course the part that i miss the most is annoying you. How i messed up your back-then-Bieber hair, ran my fingers on your face, through your hair and all over you. Dirty huh? You're so much fun when it's just the two of us. But i'm too selfish to share you. And you're too uptight to be with me.

I miss you. Aahhh..you're so hot when you say "No!"

:)

Making up the past

Ahad. And i'm at the office.

Hari ini patut dihabiskan dengan berlari, the whole day. Dari hujung ke pangkal or just in circles tapi bukan lari setempat. Kalau malas, patut bury yourself in books. You don't have to read them if you don't feel like it, just bury your body. Books, magazines, comics, albums, paperbacks, hardcovers. But not newspapers pasal warnanya tidak begitu menarik. Dan cerita-ceritanya terlalu straight-forward dan real. And really, you wouldn't wanna be feeling like a nasi lemak wrapped in suratkhabar.

Sunday patut jadi dreamy dipenuhi warna-warna monotone. Macam filem vintage. Down memory lane tapi jangan silap pilih jalan yang akan buat kau rindu.

Great choreography (Adele - Daydreamer)

Be kind rewind

Jangan bodoh sombong, kelak kau akan tersadung. Jangan lupa diri, nanti kena tapik di dahi.

Always be nice to people because you will never know who's going to help you in the future. Itu hari kau bad attitude dengan kami, hari ini kau offer diri. Mungkin kami bukan target market untuk business kau, but we have friends that might be of good use to you. Dan semua orang tahu betapa powerful-nya kuasa word-of-mouth. But i gotta say this, aku respect pasal kau sanggup turunkan ego kau dan approach. Points given.

And for goodness's sake, you are human so please act like one.

Update: Half point ditarik balik pasal you didn't say thanks. Tsk tsk. Shame on you.

And she's clinging to the nearest passer by, she's lost control

Fictionita: Wahh..i can imagine u doing ur thang pastu videoclip org main bowl, pastu awek2 pakai bikini sunbathing tepi2

Puppy: Gile gile..ishh

Fictionita: Imagination kena WILD

Puppy: Omg

Fictionita: Mende?

Puppy: U wild sgt

Fictionita: Hahahaha..tahpape

Puppy: Patut la Ahmad marah. Hahahahahahaha

Fictionita: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

The worst feeling in the world is when you know you're losing someone & there's nothing you can do to prevent being replaced

"You ok?"

Aku iyakan saja walhal at that moment waktu aku pandang mukanya ada ayat transparent terapung depan mata; I'm scared to see you with someone else.

Emptiness is loneliness

"So kau nangis-nangis pegi jumpa dia, kira nak balik kat dia la?" Freja tanya.

Aku terdiam. Jari-jemari mahu tekan punat-punat atas keyboard tapi kemudian terhenti. I tilted my head to the right, mata pandang skrin tapi macam mati akal.

Hmm.

All i wanted was to touch him, bury my face in his T-shirt and cry. And i did get what i came for.

Betul Mili cakap, "They think we're happy, with friends & parties. They think we're strong but deep inside we're just lonely people."

Rubah bukan root word perubahan

Semuanya sedang berubah, manusia makin lupa tentang akar mereka, siapa diri mereka. Semuanya bersusah payah untuk fit in dan bilamasa mereka sudah fit in, they leave you. They leave behind the people that they really care about untuk bersama mereka yang doesn't really give a damn.

Mungkin sebab seseorang itu berubah adalah kerana all the lesson learnt, to be a better person. Or maybe because they've been hurt too much. So they change to protect themselves from feeling weak. Because weakness itu memalukan, no?

You know, i always worry about you. I mean, bila kau sedih, who do you turn to? Bila kau happy, dengan siapa kau mahu high-five? Must be this feelings for you aren't fake pasal aku suka mahu ambil kisah.

Or maybe it's just me being me, suka mahu fikir banyak-banyak, worry banyak-banyak.

Dan masih tiada jawapan untuk soalan 'Kenapa?'

Aku teringat sms yang kau pernah hantar dulu, sounded something like this;

'sayang, dah la tu eh? u paranoid sangat ni. i sayang u la'

Kalau aku cerita pada kawan-kawan kau, i bet they think i made this up. On how actually you're a sweet person too beneath that monotonous body language of yours. Yang kau pernah twirl me after The Rapture gig (which totally surprised me that time because i don't remember telling you yang aku memang longing for someone to just hold my hand and twirl me). Tapi kau macam aku, ada walls cuma simen aku gred C dan simen kau gred A dengan lapisan keluli. And now aku paling risau kalau kau pecah tembelang yang sebenarnya aku tidaklah se-hot yang diuar-uarkan pasal untuk jadi hot, confidence is a must.

Aku masih rindu kau dan sepatutnya aku cari kau tapi i guess i have to keep my promise and stick to the plan, huh? I wish i could be as good as you at being cold hearted.

Dan untuk melupakan kau sepenuhnya, i shouldn't be posting anything yang ada kena-mengena dengan kau lagi, bukan?

Tapi goodbyes ni macam satu tusukan di dada, macam bucu skateboard yang tercampak di tengah-tengah rusuk. Tiada darah instead kecederaan dalaman, hurts like hell.

Trendy for the fun of it so let's make fun of it

Hidup kita tidaklah sesusah mana, mahupun senang. And life is not unfair, it's actually fair pasal kalau selalu sangat di atas roda, nanti lupa daratan lalu jadi angkuh kemudian memakan diri sendiri. Aku kira, hidup di kota memang agak susah, to catch with everything around us. Eventhough the escalator here in kota durjana tidak sepantas di kota singa, but still, pembangunan berkejaran sesama sendiri. Termasuk individu yang terlibat dalam sistem harian kota durjana. Each of us racing to grab our identities. Siapa yang dulu, siapa yang tiru. How everyone avoided to be everyone else but at the end of the day they became the majority.

Anne datang singgah makan late Italian lunch. We had a conversation about kids hanging out at Pavillion, trends and hipsters. Weird, but i always cringe at the word 'hipster'. Probably because i'm one or maybe not. Dan aku selalu pity mereka yang di gelar hipsters pasal you can't help it, really. Mungkin perkara yang sama terjadi 20-30 years ago but i really don't know. Should google up facts or wiki things up but i'm just too lazy. Aku cuma mahu type apa yang aku rasa tanpa dipengaruhi oleh anasir or M. Nasir, whichever.

Okay. I think i have an issue with tumblr. People reposting stuff from other peopl who repost stuff from other people too. Aku selalu pening mahu cari the real source, but what the heck, in this century, nothing's original anymore. Terlalu banyak idea yang sudah disuarakan, didebatkan. Sorry, aku macam annoyed sikit tapi sukahatilah kau mahu tumblr ke, blogspot ke, wordpress ke. Kalau passion kau memang yang itu, tidak perlu pedulikan orang lain. I'm just typing what i'm feeling at the moment. Hey, maybe in 2 years time i might have my own tumblr. Who knows? They say, "never say never".

Among my siblings, i decided that i'm the black sheep. Even Anne agreed that i'm the fucked up one. I don't really communicate with my parents (like how they don't communicate at all with each other) like i'm the only one who can't sit and have a chat with them even for a mere 10 minutes pasal kemudian aku senang restless. Sometimes, aku harap yang aku boleh jadi cermin for both of them. Sometimes, aku sedih memikirkan situasi aku yang macam terabai tapi selalunya aku cuba tolak tepi the fact that i came from a broken family. Masa muda (oh tidak, aku tidaklah setua mana pun sekarang) i always pictured a broken family is where the dad is a drunkard, mom always crying, they're always fighting, loud cries from the children, broken vases, you know, benda messy macam itu. Jadi i always told myself that we're not really a broken family. Tapi aku kira, for someone from a totally picture perfect family would feel sorry for me. perbandingan masing-masing lain (like how a friend totally tekankan bahawa aku seorang hipster dan socialite walhal aku rasa ada orang yang lebih layak to be labeled that).

Satu hari yang depress, i decided to get a longboard. I've always wanted to try it, so i say, "why not?". Funny, i'm more confident when standing alone, single. Oops, timing salah pasal apparently seorang lelaki Melayu forecast bahawa longboard will be the new fixie. Hmm..i can't say much to that pasal like what i said earlier, kita semua berlumba-lumba mahu look cool, feel cool. Mahu label siapa otai and the likes. Bahh, aku hanya mahu be good at balancing, paddling and being single.

I'm 27, broken hearted and just started taking up longboard. I am so having a mid-life crisis.

So, to get over depression, lebih baik main longboard dan jadi trendy atau end it all dengan suicide?

K untuk kerinduan, kesunyian dan hanya Okay.

I was shooting a scene in my new film, No Strings Attached, in which I say to Natalie Portman,

“If you miss me. you can’t text, you can’t email, you can’t post it on my Facebook wall. If you really miss me, you come and see me.” - Ashton Kutcher

Satu hari, a few months back, we were talking about dreams to be achieved by 30. perkara-perkara kenapa dan bagaimana. I remember after a friend voiced out an opinion, aku quote satu ayat dari buku yang aku sedang baca waktu itu, i think it was Sartre's The Age of Reason. Kemudian kawan aku tersengih sinis, katanya, "aku dah agak kau akan cakap something. why do we, humans have to quote others?" Hmm..got me thinking.

I have to say, aku memang seorang yang taksub quotes (movies/books). Cuma lately quotes tentang hope & love aku macam tidak gemar sangat. Bollocks. I guess we choose and stick to the quotes that express our feelings. Or maybe we let it decide for us. Okay, so that'll be my case because i'm always in denial like that. Dude, i totally stole that line from Grey's Anatomy and used it on someone dan outcome-nya sama dengan apa yang terjadi dalam that tv series; he didn't pick me.

my God, i lead a very funny life indeed.

But then i found this post, about Ashton Kutcher saying that maybe the person who invented mobile phone is a man indeed (lelaki paling malas mahu cakap telefon/reply sms, hadap whines dan drama jadi mereka lebih prefer text messages TAPI kalau depan mata, cepat betul mahu capai -_-"). Sooo true. I'm totally awed by this post, coming from Ashton Kutcher (never a fan of him).

After reading the article, guess what i did? I posted it on Facebook.

And then i went to see that very person i was missing so much. Wasn't a brilliant idea tapi aku rasa kalau aku tahan (*batuk kecil 'degil'), aku tidak akan puas hati. Macam ada hutang yang belum selesai, tak keruan. Walaupun masih ada tears tapi buat aku rasa life's not so bad after all. Though it's not forever (because nothing is forever; happiness, sadness) but it'll do for now. Once in a while, bila kau terlupa tentang ego, it can make you feel good. I know, i know, i've failed dalam mengeraskan hati. Memang aku tidak boleh jadi lelaki pasal aku selalu tidak sampai hati.

Teka-teki: masa berlalu dengan pantas; pejam-celik and you're an old fag. Tapi kenapa masa berlalu sangat perlahan dalam penantian?

Under cover, hide away

I find shelter, in this way.
Under cover, hide away.
Can you hear, when I say?
I have never felt this way.

Hello, have we met before? No, we are strangers.

While i was crying under the shower this morning, i heard Abah whistling outside, doing laundry, "somewhere..over the rainbow...". How random.

I wish to be that person who can loosen you up, make you laugh. I wish i am that person that you will find just so i can listen to your problems. I wish that you will remember me every night when you close your eyes to slumber and when you wake up every morning, it's my name that's stuck on the tip of your tongue. I wish you chased me back then when i went away, find me when i was nowhere to be found. I wish you tried. I wish we tried harder.

I wish i didn't ask you out in the first place. I wish you didn't want the relationship. For what it's worth, i wish i didn't know you at all if i knew how broken hearted i'd be to have fallen in love with you. Because feeling hurt sucks big time.

Yes i remember how we can't connect. That's why i chose to forget everything. It's nice that you wanna be friends, but that's not helping.

I'm setting myself on fire. The burning hurts but once it's done, i can just vacuum off the ashes.

Heartbreaks

Expect it. It's either you get broken hearted or you break someone's heart.

Angin sneaky

And I parked my car by the roadside, in front of Mili's primary school & cried for reasons unknown. Punca yang aku tidak pasti datang dari mana. Foolish.

Trak-tak-des

My current favourite video clip would be having me in it. Wearing your zebra t-shirt underneath that leather jacket & that pair of Frogskin running and running forward to nowhere. And while running i would be taking it off one by one, throwing it far, far away from my running path. At the end of the videoclip, cuba teka ada apa? Ada aku yang nude running into the sea dan bawah laut ada somebody willing to accept the naked me.

Beat lagu macam The National's Mistaken for Strangers. Banyak bunyi trak-tak-des (i don't know the specific name for it).

This is bad. I regretted approving your request again.

Tallulah

Last week i fell in like. Tak ke mana sangat pun. And then, a few days after that, i fell in love. Ahh..so we can't buy love. But we can always get something else. Nasihat aku, tidak perlu suicide ok?

Negaraku

Aku baca artikel pasal racism, how Malaysia now lebih banyak racism dari yang sebelumnya (selepas tragedi 1969). Pasal ramai intelektual yang berguna untuk kegunaan negara kita yang berhijrah ke luar negara. I don't think i am a racist tapi kadang-kadang aku naik menyampah dengan perangai kaum lain yang tinggal di sini. Boleh label pemikiran aku cetek but this is my opinion. Kepada mereka yang kerap tidak puas hati dengan hak bumiputera, i think you can go back to your country. Anne pernah cerita yang dia tanya kenapa hanya Melayu ada hak bumiputera but not the other races kepada abang iparnya. He answered because back then, yang berjuang untuk kemerdekaan adalah Melayu, while the other races were doing their other chores (mereka pun di bawa masuk untuk specific business reasons).

Siapalah aku untuk membincangkan tentang history Tanah melayu. But come on, give us a break. We don't have any other country that we can call our own.

Myth busters, answer me!

Betul ke myth tentang 'love at first sight'? Aku rasa macam betul pasal mungkin aku pernah melaluinya. Head over feet on someone tapi kau tidak tahu why exactly. Or kau tahu dia bad news tapi kau still mahu.

I think i've fallen in like. Which is sort of harmless, kan?

Masquerade

Sekarang aku sedang tunggu diherdik oleh Abah pasal sudah seminggu aku keluar lewat malam, pulang sejam sebelum subuh. And still work the next day (for chinese new year, i worked both Thursday and Friday). Semalam aku drained out, i felt like wanting to close my eyes for the whole day jadi aku macam tidak sabar mahu pulang and doze off. Instead, i couldn't sleep that well, woke up and drove to Bandar Utama. Seperti biasa, sampai rumah lebih kurang sejam sebelum subuh. Even while typing this out, rasa macam ada benda melepak atas kelopak mata. Well i guess this how you avoid loneliness. You force your body sampai lencun, kemudian tidur. No time untuk fikir perkara-perkara yang menyedihkan. Tiada siapa yang suka manusia pathetic. Aku pun tidak suka. Sometimes aku tidak begitu menyukai diri sendiri. Haih.

Aku rasa bahagia ada ruang untuk diri aku sendiri di sini where nobody knows that i am a pathetic person (except for some ghost readers lah). If i attended that Alter-ego party last week, i would've come as an emo kid with smudged eyeliner. Hmm..best juga kalau aku dress up that saturday night. Tidak mengapa. This is kota durjana, there will be a lot more theme parties coming up. Confirmed.

perang dingin, lelaki, perempuan dan in between

Comparing is never a good thing. Tapi aku rasa untuk tahu nilai kau, perbandingan memang perlu. Semalam Mili graduated from her training. So i brought Mak and Along was supposed to come with Abah but he was busy so Abah came alone. My parents, i didn't really know what happened between them. Yang aku ingat cuma they stopped talking to each other more than 10 years ago. Perang dingin, simpulan bahasanya. It was awkward sitting in the middle of them yesterday, campur lagi aku memang tidak pandai make conversation. Mungkin jangkamasa aku tinggal sendiri dulu buat aku rasa asing dengan mereka or there's just something weird about me. But they managed to act cooly dan Mak menang dengan perangai selambanya, taking her teh tarik and sitting at the same table as Abah. Jadi aku reward dia dengan menyinggah ke Sungai Buloh so she can get her potted plant untuk memenuhkan lagi mini balkoni at her apartment.

Aku pernah cakap pada Mili,"with our parents like this, how are we supposed to get married?" She just nodded and shrugged.

Getting married. Penting sangat ke? Aku jadi bosan bila sekarang goal masing-masing is to find the right guy yang tidak akan cheat behind your back, break your heart or kahwin lagi satu. Lelaki memang Tuhan buat dia macam itu, perempuan sebagai salah satu passion-nya. Betapa sayangnya dia pada kau, kau cuma perlu cekal hati, make-believe yang hanya kau seorang yang paling penting dalam hidupnya.

But easier said than done. Kita manusia, bukan kasut atau basikal.

Aku mahu cerita tentang bagaimana aku rasa terabai dibandingkan dengan siblings aku yang lain. But i don't think i should add on another sad pathetic story. Pasal esok tahun baru cina. I wish i'm a drinker so i can drink all the free alcohol and be jolly sambil wash away memories yang tidak enak. Despite how the magnets doesn't connect, i wish you wanted me to stay.

Dan sometimes aku mahu jerit sekuat-kuat hati, sekuat-kuat hatred,"DARI MANA DATANGNYA SEMUA EGO INI PASAL AKU MACAM SANGAT TERSEKSA!"

don't panic, don't panic it's just the trick of the lights

i should be a hipster

In his book Jazz, Frank Tirro defines the 1940s hipster:

"To the hipster, Bird was a living justification of their philosophy. The hipster is an underground man. He is to the Secaond World War what the dadaist was to the first. He is amoral, anarchistic, gentle, and overcivilized to the point of decadence. He is always ten steps ahead of the game because of his awareness, an example of which might be meeting a girl and rejecting her, because he knows they will date, hold hands, kiss, neck, pet, fornicate, perhaps marry, divorce—so why start the whole thing? He knows the hypocrisy of bureaucracy, the hatred implicit in religions—so what values are left for him?—except to go through life avoiding pain, keep his emotions in check, and after that, "be cool," and look for kicks. He is looking for something that transcends all this bullshit and finds it in jazz."

heartbroken gila babi

slap! slap! slap!

it's better now or never, innit? jadi, seperti biasa, mulakan strategi:

inhale. exhale.

avoid jauh-jauh kryptonite itu.

dahi licin, darah muda

owh. aku tweet pasal kalau jumpa lelaki muka iras Bieber di tempat bersosial, i wouldn't wanna waste a chance of tasting some.

i saw a glimpse of cherry boy. we acted like strangers to each other. i remember that moment when i saw him. ada lagu "you know you love me, i know you care" dalam kepala.

rupanya aku sudah taste a 'Bieber' two months ago. haha.

you know every woman is a whore deep inside

everybody's alright on a Friday night.

i was alright. with puppy next to me, riding towards 'alright'. until you texted. kecamuk. kemudian, jumpa kau, i was alright again. your warmth was inviting. but really, what was it that you were looking for? i felt that familiar feeling. and the longings, answered.

but why did you leave so sudden? i wanted to grab you, to make you stay. but i wasn't sure if you, yourself wanted to stay.

this morning i imagine myself getting married to that faraway guy. aku agak itu solution paling baik, get married and start a totally new life. but then i thought of you dan aku jadi sedih. pasal aku rasa kalau aku beritahu kau, you wouldn't give a damn pun.

sayangnya aku pada kau. this is it. another familiar feeling all over again. will i be another whore again?

i found the status you posted two months back

dua manusia duduk atas kerusi santai, bawah pokok rendang, menghadap tasik. yang perempuan, pegang rokok, yang lelaki curi tengok, geleng sikit kepala.

lelaki kata, "you ingat tak?"

perempuan jawab, "yeasayer. i remember."

so here's to existentialism

i turned another year older. happy happy? this year's celebration was awesome. slightly out of control but alright. didn't get to see Lucy but met Gary instead. very seductive. but no new year's kiss.

2011, should live healthy. should stop whining, regretting & the lots. this year's keyword shall be 'don't give up'.

the next boyfriend shall be the one to put a ring on my finger. hopefully. have faith.