Senandung mendung

Been seeing you in my sleep. Everyday. For a week now. Like deja vu, just a different person. I like seeing you in my sleep but not every night because i don't like this in denial feeling of the fact that i'm still here, not moving anywhere. It's like waiting for something that i know will never arrive. Such a waste of time.

Lately, whenever i write here, i have an image of you in my head, sitting in front of me. Macam having a conversation dengan kau but not exactly having one. Bunyinya macam orang gila but heck, it's not like you're reading this anyway. Dan readers yang singgah sini bukannya tahu how i look like or how you look like. So kita safe. I gotta say, this dark space is my comfort zone. Tapi yang bermula pastinya akan berakhir.

I should stop all this nonsense. These sappy pathetic writings, whether it's a therapy or not, if it's working or making things worse. Looking back, aku macam tak sangka that i've been posting since 2007. Wow, i'm that pathetic huh? I do love writing, tidak kisahlah yang masuk akal atau pun tidak dan aku pun tidak kisah if ada yang tidak faham, so be it. I decided long time ago that my writings are subjective so up to the readers what they understand from it. It's like a piece of art. Kau fahami ikut cara kau sendiri.

I will miss this. A lot. Tapi macam harapan, one day kau perlu berhenti.

Macam barang-barang preloved yang aku jual. Sayang mahu let go tapi kalau dibiarkan nanti buat semak kepala. So..is this it? Is this goodbye?