rasa macam nak marah saja

i think my temper went for a holiday. & when the holiday season have arrived for me, the sweet little temper came home forcing a hug on me, last night. & always, the temper victim will be at the wrong place with the wrong time: 'heart. after an anime, i had a light sleep while waiting for him. we were supposed to spend some quality time before he flew off to bali, just this morning. he arrived and asked if i were to come along to his family's house so that he can leave his car there instead of at the unguarded parking spaces below my apartment. my angin amarah started off when his mom asked, "abah sakit apa?". i don't know what happened, but that question turned on some unwanted buttons. dangerous buttons not to be touched by anyone or it'll give the people around me some good wounds. i was very sensitive about the recent agenda. i hated all the questions. everytime it popped, i didn't know whether i should spill the beans or just say, "he's fine. sakit tua saja." i know some of them honestly wanted to show their concern but i couldn't accept it. i'm sorry. last night when my temper was lingering around me, 'heart suddenly blurted "kita dah call dia." in a conversation we had. wait. wait. since when did we use that word to bahasakan diri masing-masing? when he was with aerial, he blurted "saya" somewhere in his text message. this is just a small matter right? like, what's wrong with using those words. well, isn't it obvious that meant only one thing? that he's been having conversations with someone (that have the ability to fucken tick me off) using those "awak" "saya" "kita" terms. & what more, i fucken know this fucken girl who in the first place was all about "you should get back with your girlfriend" but the next minute "kalau awak datang sini ada sikit selera makan kita." ugh. & mili did not help the situation today by being there at 1st home when i was supposed to pick her up at 2nd home & heads towards seremban. oh yeah. i'm having a fantastic day off today. rasa nak marah, marah, marah saja. seriously, like all of you people around me, i fucken hate my own temper. if only i know how to get rid of it.

just stay away

i was driving home yesterday when a car came from no where and cut in the queue. i was quite restless yesterday and the last thing i need is someone to cut in. even with most of the drivers in the neighborhood i'm currently living in are always rude, which i thought i'll get used to it someday, i just couldn't. attitude! attitude! actually, i always have a thing with people cutting in line. i'm not sure whether this is normal or is it just me but this scenario really gets to my nerves. it's like somebody pushed a certain button somewhere in my nerve system that makes me want to scream harsh words. or was it just yesterday that i feel like doing that? once, i was queing up at the hypermarket counter when this arabian girl cut in-line (without saying anything) because i had three item and she had only a rubberband to pay for. like, WTF?! really, i wouldn't mind it if she said 'excuse me' and explain her situation instead she just passed me by lie i wasn't queing up. sort of invisible(?). so i had to put up my very stern expression and said i was there first. when she said she was just gonna pay for the rubberband, i made a really annoyed face and said "still?". so i thought the cashier would take my stuff first to (maybe) be on my side. instead he was like clueless. and he got my annoyed face too.
but, some friends did say something about my temper. some years ago i was a very patient person. but somehow, as the global weather changes, i turned into a very angry person. maybe i should be taking an anger management session. until now i'm still figuring what i should do to control my temper and what makes happy and forget any miseries.

maybe i have too much miseries taking me over.