of moons, birds and monsters underneath

kalau di beri pilihan untuk grab a sleeping partner, kau mahu yang mana satu? aku mahu yang pouting itu. tapi warna minta tanned sikit. dan pandai membaca dengan intonasi yang sesuai dan smooth. pasal yang bulu-bulu itu aku sudah ada.

still dreaming of that white wedding

"it'll be a white one. being a minimalist, i won't be wearing those draggy dresses. i'll have a minimal wedding by the beach. or in a garden. no songket-songket. just plain white kebaya with my favourite batik. & my groom will be wearing a white teluk belanga baju melayu. flowers for the occasion will be white orchids or lilies. & guess who'll be playing at my wedding? mocca!! all the way from bandung weih!! & if thay can't make it, white shoes & the couples' company will always be glad to fly over just to sing at my wedding. & then by night time we can joget lambak with force vomit!! yeay!!"

extracts from dreaming of a white wedding.

elm, please kiss me instead

"do u know that u're hot?" and after i heard about what happened to him, i was glad he smiled.

& now his skinny pale body is lying across my bed. his hair covering part of his peaceful face. the LED clock beaming 6.00am. i guess he was exhausted from the party & the movie i asked him to watch with me. it's creepy how 'heart is only 10mins drive from my place plus two of his good friends live in the same house as i do. elle, she shook her head to the idea. which obviously meant, i'm on my own. slowly, i took charge of elm's camera. i clicked his white foot, his toes, his hair, eyelashes, ears, long fingers with yellow nails from the cigarettes we smoked. amazingly, his lips was pink. from a glimpse, u'd mistaken him as a girl. that's what made me drool over him: the fact that he does somewhat look like a girl. though i don't know him personally, i've got a feeling he really is a sweet thing deep inside. he mumbled, & i froze. but he dozed off to sleep again. i come nearer to his face. click. click. he slowly opened his eyes. realizing i was taking his pictures, he hide his face under the pillow. i took a sip of my sampoerna. wait for him to show his attractive face.

"pandai ke amik gambar?"
"u can just delete it if it's not good." i shrugged & exhale sinful smoke.

elm, who kissed coke. & now he's an addict.
i wonder how he would react to this fantasy of mine...

my european and japanese

if only i was given the chance of choosing a girlfriend to hold my hand when crossing the road. to sit, lip-locked by the wishing fountain of Paris. or just to snuggle in her hair that smells like my own childhood memories. i'd kiss her every night & blow sweet dreams towards her. i'd tell irina how i miss her when she's doing her runway. how i miss having tea with scones with a red rose sticking in her hair on her left ear. she knows how i envy her model friends so much that she'd call me & tell me how she misses me like the moon in the night sky. inhaling smokes with her makes me fantasize of things reality can't get hold of. i'd then tell kazu that she sounded like the sweetest thing whenever she sings her heart out. we'd lie around lazily in her orange lit room that smells like rain. i'd make fun of her italian duo & she'd laugh, making her eyes into just lines. whenever she's on tour, i'd listen to her guitar strums that she left for me. i love how she adores my curls & how she likes to twist it around her index finger. we'd sketch each other nude & hang it on our wall of hearts. & she'd sing me her elephant woman to send me to my slumber.

i'd like to have both of them. irina lazareanu. kazu makino. all to myself.