on saturday, after a couple of years, i went out with a guy. we walked around the twin tower mall, talking, smoking and checkout some sneakers. john was very talkative. he likes to talk. he got beautiful eyes that i can't help thinking about kissing them. dan jambang yang buat aku gemuruh. but the date made us realize that we were just each other's infatuation. which was fine by me because of course, didn't it all went to fast? i told mill that by this week everything will get back to normal mode. and apparently john's ex-wife is my ex's girlfriend after me. the city is getting smaller day by day and i hate it. we had relationship conversations and john insisted on me getting back with 'heart. i was pissed because i think i had enough pressure from him and i don't think i need any addition from someone i'm curious to be kissing with. 'heart had been sending messages on death and such. dude, kita semua belum bersedia untuk mati. jangan dipermainkan soal mati. and now it's my fault right? MEMANG PUN. i'm fucken pissed with the situation that i feel like shutting myself up, alone in a secluded corner, somewhere where people don't know me. why can't he understand? i'm not fully healed yet. from the previous wounds. "weeping wounds that never heal" so sang Placebo. all i need is just some time off. that's all. janganlah terburu-buru. anyway, 'heart, i'm glad you know how it feels like to be really heart broken. been there, done that.
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