need and want. which?

as i was walking back to my current workplace, after wiring anne from the bank, al texted me up, asking whether i'll be joining the two-day beach party next week with tiesto and ferry corsten. i replied that instead of partying there i'd rather go down to singapore, just for the fun of it. he invited me to go there tomorrow but i can't because it's john.j's birthday tomorrow :) and i'm still raking my brain on what i should give him. a couple of ideas all jumbled up inside my head and i can't seem to figure which one i should choose. he did asked for a pair of nike sb lastnight. but i'd rather give him something that he needs instead of something he wants. i'm no genie but i'd like to fulfill my favourite his wishes. maybe you should cross your fingers, john.j. what about a picnic? would you like to go for a birthday picnic plus a movie of my choice.? ha ha. selfish, i know. but i want his birthday to be celebrated with his fellow friends around him.
while everyone was out partying the night before (eve of labour's day), i was at home, sleeping the whole night when i was awaken by a phone call, searching for john.j. see, when somebody call you up searching for someone(not a stranger), means you're that close. two hours later, he called me up and asked "so it's already end of april. how are we?" i told him what he needs to know:
"i want you." but we can't really get what we want, right? damn to that someone who made it a well-known quote. we then decided to be normal because i didn't want to stress things up. not normal as in owh-we're-friends-so-act-like-it normal. because we're kind of used to touching each other (no. not that kind of touching) so why not just stick that way? we like each other, enjoy each other's company so i don't think putting boundaries will help the situation. boundaries will only stress things up. seriously. we'll just go where the wind blows. and if the wind blows hard, dengki to separate us, be it. not that i want it that way but we'll be strong. won't we, john.j?

happy birthday :)

all i had for the weekend was a gift to brag

"nah. here's the money that i owe you, for you to go & buy me my birthday gift," i shoved RM150 to mili's hand. she gave me back a hundred for me to go & get it myself. well that's not too nice, is it? so i told her to get the gift. & if she couldn't find one that fits, there's always next year. then we continued our journey to the hypermarket to get some provisions for abah. since i had wasted 4 hours that saturday afternoon for slumber, i insisted that we go to MPH first before the groceries. langkah kanan. but kind of langkah kiri for mili because MPH was doing a sale on some of the books & i came across a book entitled: The Rolling Stones, A Life On The Road. ha ha. note: there are 3 places mili & i will spend like forever at: a) thrift store b) bookstore c) hypermarket. anyways, she got me that big book of the rolling stones & a book on celebrities' truths or lies by some pop writer. that rolling stones book is my favourite gift so far (because i got to choose) & i wouldn't mind bragging about it to just about anyone.

later that night, al & i decided we should do the movie session we've been planning since the last 2-3 weeks. he was excited, coming over to pick me up in his classic BMW with sunroof. it's really classic because you have to twind the knob (yang macam kat tingkap kereta tu) to open/close the sunroof. our movie session started off late because we thought it'll be nice to drive to the only reggae bar in the city where anne & di 'ada hal'. by the time we reached al's place, it was too sleepy for us to stay focus & al passed out first before i crashed in. earlier he said of a breakfast at the cafe & yada yada yada & we woke up at 12 which al was already late for a soundcheck session at a nearby mall. breakfast? right. it rained lightly that sunday afternoon & i thought of opening the sunroof but i don't know if al would agree to that. i wonder how it'd feel like. i should get a sunroof for my kenari, no?
"do you love 'heart?" al asked, while maneuvering the steering wheel.
"well, aku sayang dia. i do get jealous at times."
"i think you love him but NOT in love with him. if you are, there won't be any hesitations in answering the question itself." GULP. his answer was true for i know that myself. i wanted to deny his facts. i thought if i brush away all these negative ideas, i'll be in love with 'heart once more. but i don't like the feeling of 'heart hanging out with his friends which is what he's been doing currently with the reason that his friend is flying off to Libya & will only be back in october. fiiiiine with me. yes. i am that selfish of a person. al said sometimes, you just have to face the fact that the people that you love & loves you back doesn't think much about you. maybe i did the same towards him before. i should be carefree. and should stop thinking too much. it's just karma, right? he'll miss me when his friend's not around later. after all these hoo-haas, everything'll be fine, right?

24 & kicking pebbles by the roadside

boobie island & creamy cake.

the last weekend of 2007 was...ok. a friend got engaged with an australian malay (perlu ke statement australian tu?), went to anne's show, bought a top at kurasa something, was a doorbitch at a club downtown (stairbitch was more like it) & went to the yearly decemberian birthday dinner. mak got back from perth sunday night with pretty tops & a whole bunch of yummy chocolates. monday, i went for an interview near 2nd home but will only confirm whether i get the job or not by next week. for new year's eve, i had to fetch 'heart at the airport so i didn't get to really celebrate the new year. or my birthday. i wanted to have close friends to wish me & hug me & feel like it was my birthday. guess i was asking for too much. no, don't get me wrong, i'm not blaming anyone but myself. i got another bag from 'heart. it's nice to get gifts isn't it? i've been getting bags from him: last year's birthday, anniversary & this year's birthday. he didn't know what to get me. i don't even care if he got me nothing but if it's just for the sake of buying, baik simpan duit tu untuk kahwin nanti ke, atau untuk apa-apa lah. i know it seems that i'm whining & whining & not appreciating things but really, sometimes i think 'heart thinks that he can get away with stuff by getting me stuff. get it? or am i thinking too much? or maybe the fact that the other night, on the birthday dinner, an ex had on the sweater i gave him years back. or maybe al-qad's other good clothes was in the laundry so he had to put on that maroon sweater. but i like the idea. comparing is not good right? obviously a no-no but sometimes we just couldn't help ourselves. like lying or stealing other people's partners. mungkin nafsu 'heart untuk membeli, beli & beli tidak dapat dibendung. seriously, i'd rather have a card with his thoughts about me rather than any gifts yang satu hari nanti akan rosak juga. come to think of it, 'heart gave me 8 bags & 3 purses dalam jangkamasa perkenalan kami. to me, that's a lot. belum campur beg-beg yang aku beli sendiri.
i'm not in a good mood because it's the first day of the monthly cycle & suddenly al-qad asked if i know a girl called sheik which turned out to be the girl who secretly wants a piece of attention from 'heart & also a kick in the ass from me. this durjana city is seriously getting on my nerve.

24. i should be thinking about my career.