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1. sedang mata aku melilau membaca text against the white screen in front of me, elle sibuk membuat nescafe di dapur.
"kau jarang cakap pasal lucid kan?" she asked, putting two tall cups on the table.
"yeah..." mata aku masih melekat di skrin laptop.
"aku sedar kau tak banyak cerita sangat pasal lucid berbanding azuki. you don't love lucid, do you?" buat aku shrug my shoulders. to neutralize the situation, aku ketawa kecil.
"mungkin macam my love life. not ready yet to take the same kind of responsibilities. or aku masih rindu kot," i joked. dia jeling.
"meaning lucid tu cuma macam infatuation?" bunyinya macam mahu marah. aku gelak.
"entah." and proceed scrolling the page in front of me.



2. "aku rasa aku perlu jumpa psychiatrist." anne turned to look at me. her eyes wandered across my face searching for possible answers that maybe can led to the sentence i just blurted out.
"why?" she asked when she couldn't find the answer.
"i don't know. i just feel like doing so." i shrugged.



3. john.j, bila soalan yang ditanya-nya, aku jawab dengan jawapan yang sama, dia akan kata:
"come on. kita makan sebab lapar, kan?" dan aku akan tergelak. bila dia tanya lagi soalan yang sama, otak aku cuba memproses jawapan.
"hmm...i don't know."



tiga conversations, dengan jawapan yang sama. slowly realizing it, this is the root of my problems. i don't know what i want. i don't even know what i don't know.

ada kaki, kita lari

the morning traffic buzzed her right ear. shaking her head, she changed path towards the lake. her jog turned to a faster pace, she breathed heavily through her mouth. she kept glancing behind her. ada semacam ketakutan di riak mukanya. ada suara di dalam kepalanya.

"run. run. run. don't stop."

she passed a few questioning faces along the grey brick path. looking up, the sky has turn to a concrete colour. the voice hasn't stop pestering her.

"run. run. run. don't stop."

she felt drips of water on her hair. a reason for her to quickened her pace some more. but she, herself was not sure where her feet are supposed to take her. titisan air yang agak deras di mukanya semacam menghalangnya dari terus berlari. she shook her head in protest. pada suara di dalam kepalanya itu, dia harus akur. kakinya terasa kebas. she couldn't feel her feet anymore but she is still running. dan ada satu suara asing mencelah.

"kau mahu lari ke mana, sayang ku?"

lalu ditolehnya ke belakang dan dalam samar-samar air langit yang deras itu, kelihatan satu kelibat berdiri. in her head, she thought that shadow was holding a bright object. lantas dilajukan lagi gerak langkahnya dan yang membasahi raut wajahnya itu bukan sahaja titisan hujan tapi air mata. her pace began to slow down. pernafasan yang tercungap-cungap dicampur dengan esakan. kedengaran air mengalir sepuluh langkah ke hadapan. yes. that's where she should stop. glancing behind, the shadow was gone.

slowly, she took off her already wet clothes and walk slowly towards the running water of the small creek.

air yang mengalir deras itu, dia percaya, akan me-nyah-kan kerunsingan yang menyakat.