of plain honesty and hypocrisy

i lie. i lie a lot and when you lie a lot, you're considered a liar. but at times, i get tired of lying so i tend to tell the truth. pasal yes, a lie will obviously lead to another and you can never know when it will end. tapi bila aku bercakap jujur selalunya aku akan beritahu mereka yang rapat dengan aku. dan selalunya the things i utter to them aren't the nicest things. i have two very, very close girlfriends. the type of girls yang memang true girlfriends pasal they stick with me, on my side through whatever craps that you can imagine. dan aku? hmm...not the very true kind of girlfriend. kind of yang kau tidak perlu peduli sangat pun. aku ada satu prinsip diri yang macam agak susah untuk ditch: if you don't mess with me, then i'm fine. walhal my two girls pula: you mess with my girlfriend means you're messing with me. when i was down and had a thing against a dwarf bitch or that singer's junky sister, they were there sticking up for me, showing their hate. but me? i couldn't bring myself showing the hate against their rivals because i just...couldn't. pasal personally mereka belum threaten aku lagi so aku jadi neutral. pasal aku seboleh-bolehnya tidak mahu enemies. enemies buat kau rasa gelisah dan aku kalau gelisah jadi macam sakit mental. macam schizo sikit. trust me, kau akan benci aku bila aku paranoid sebegitu. so i try be nice to everyone. well, yang tidak cari masalah dengan aku lah. yang cari masalah itu, pay the price lah, kan? macam kalau kawan aku ada band dan muzik yang mereka bawa just happened to not be my cup of tea, no matter how nice and great they are as friends to me, it will still stay that way: not my cup of tea. i'm so cruel. plus way too confused pasal macam mana aku boleh deny everything else and practice pretentious tapi untuk hati seorang teman yang priceless, aku gagal? my lovelings, sifat aku yang satu ini, aku harap-harap sangat kau boleh understand. besides, you already know i am THAT ignorant. aku betul rasa guilty sangat.

beri aku tangan, dakapan dan good conversation

"kau cuti bila je?" aku cuba lawan bunyi geseran angin malam, holding tight on his skinny body.
"aku boleh cuti lepas tiga bulan kerja". aku jenguk meter, he was riding the scooter at 100 km/h. waktu malam, jalan kampung, tidak bertopi keledar.
"owh. nanti raya ni la kau cuti?" hujan renyai-renyai. aku menggigil sejuk.
"tu la. tapi kalau aku balik kl pun, bukannya ada sesape." hati aku tersentap.
aku lupa this long-time friend of mine sudah jadi yatim piatu.

kau tahu kan, getaways sahaja yang boleh keep my mind sane. being the mastermind of getaways, aku jadikan a colleague's wedding reception in the east satu alasan untuk kami berempat spend a night in cherating. we were lucky to get quite a comfortable place on a cheap rate considering it was still the school holidays and the state's royalties were in the area for an equestrian event. owh. aku lupa part lipas terbang dan yang cuba meng-camouflage-kan diri atas berus gigi aku. tidak mengapa pasal aku tidak menyimpan dendam. mungkin the other two roommate might have some grudge. hehe. an encounter with two long-time friends sent me back in time. walaupun sudah berubah but i still recognize the familiar parts on each of them. mills was amazed with this bizarre encounter. "macam awak, cuma versi lelaki." ya. sebenarnya ada segelintir lagi yang seperti kami, mills. kau cuma perlu tunggu the right time to meet them and see if you can handle us. geng, si kurus yang tidak ada masalah untuk bawa aku jalan-jalan dalam hujan renyai malam along the beach, sudah aku kenal 10 tahun yang lalu. boygem and i were in a band back in the early 2000. jadi malam itu, waktu teman travel yang lain sudah letih mahu berjalan, aku duduk berborak dengan kawan lama. tentang cerita yang jauh dari kota durjana, di tempat yang mereka panggil kampung yahudi kecil. "yang besar, tu ha. tempat geng keje tu." boygem cerita sambil menghembus asap rokok. aku fikir, beach life memang macam ini kan? lifestyle yang persis free thinker. jujur, aku semacam ada rasa gerun. ada suara halus kata yang aku tidak mahu end up like that pasal ya, aku memang jarang temu Dia, tapi aku masih ingat Dia, masih tahu yang hanya Dia boleh buat hati manusia tenang. cuma aku yang degil sedikit, malas sedikit. waktu dalam perjalanan pulang ke kota durjana, aku fikir. dan aku rasa. keadaan yang sangat keseorangan even though mills was just sitting next to me. sepanjang perjalanan, tiada satu pun pesanan ringkas di samsung kecil dan hanya satu panggilan salah nombor. aku fikir, kenapa perlu aku pulang ke kota durjana, there's nothing for me there. there's no one waiting for me, to greet me with a warm, friendly hug. well, mungkin ada juga yang menanti cuma aku tidak tahu. pesanan pada mereka yang sebenarnya menanti: tolong beritahu aku tentang perasaan itu. sesungguhnya aku rasa kosong, so damn alone di sini. bagi aku genggam tangan kau, cuddle dalam dakapan kau, have a good conversation with me. lelaki, perempuan. aku tidak ambil peduli, i just want those three beautiful, honest things. tapi macam susah mahu dapat yang itu.

jadi aku fikir lagi.

dan sekarang, aku mahu cari mereka yang aku kenal yang lonely. mungkin untuk mendapatkan tiga yang itu, aku perlu mula memberi yang tiga itu.

aku mahu jadi 21, umur yang legal untuk everything walaupun masih naive

an sms received:
"okay u coolest people! our game 'chopping+susun tin & galah panjang' is definitely on this sat at 9am! Yeah! -organizer keramaian bersuka-ria yg paling best -AL"

hujung minggu dihabiskan dengan muzik luar negara, mengelak bola tennis and a small cleavage galore. friday night, aku cuba berngobrol (is that how you say it?) tapi ternyata fail. jadi aku cuma berbicara in english pasal aku tidak mahu bunyi kekok, even in bahasa melayu. hidung si manager mocca, cantik. he's hot too. tapi sudah ada orang rumah ber-anak dua. pagi yang esoknya, abah pelik aku sudah bersiap awal pagi.
"where are you going?" he was wearing collared-shirt yang kadang-kadang aku pinjam kalau aku terlupa to bring along my own clothes to his house.
"nak pergi main baling selipar and galah panjang." aku sibuk mundar-mandir mengutip barang-barang untuk memberatkan beg lagi.
"ha? main galah panjang? apa ni main game budak-budak?" aku gelak. abah macam tidak percaya that his daughter yang pernah bersekolah di tengah durjana city, berumur dekat suku abad, mahu pergi main susun tin.
"exercise lah. a much fun way to do it." aku reply bersahaja.

baha.

i'm not sure whether he actually ate that or not. but yes, we did play the childhood game. and had fun. kau yang menonton estrella malam tadi, jangan terkejut that she joined us too. we tried playing rounders but decided susun tin and hitting people with tennis ball was better. selepas masing-masing pancit (of course, berlari sambil merokok) we sat together in that breezy field, munching on fried meehoon while playing with a lost kitten. it was a beautiful morning. so beautiful i didn't want it to end. ada discussion tentang a repetition. malang sekali i'm going for a wedding in the east coast this coming weekend. malamnya pula, aku kembali ke venue yang itu hari, yang ada banyak wayar berselerak, asap-asap menari-nari untuk band-band dari kota singa and a local act. tiramisu; gempak. misai persis freddie mercury kau mahal. jangan segan untuk datang lagi in your brilliant costumes. malam yang penuh scenes; pertembungan ex's, eye distractions dan lelaki-lelaki yang buat jantung aku berdebar. sunday started lazily, dengan aku sibuk texting people up for a much cheaper tickets for the evening's gig. pasal aku groupie yang hot (elle yang cakap, bukan aku sendiri) she got me three, the exact amount i needed. jenis crowd yang datang, aku sudah agak ever since i saw the flier. aku mengaku i was judgmental tapi aku tidak rasa guilty pasal memang betul pun apa yang aku telah agak. they were quite unfriendly. salute to the fridays untuk lagu retro fashion victim. sarcasm kau aku suka. owh. and your performance style too. the two MCs for the day, aku tidak berkenan sangat. sebenarnya aku memang tidak berapa gemar MCs yang bercakap banyak untuk gig mana-mana pun. the other local bands performing that night was good. i missed decma & the could have been. aku suka dangan nama yang itu tapi masih belum tahu whether i'm going to like the band personally or not. maybe next show, okay? robot asmara, lain kali main reggae. mesti tidak ada orang cakap band kau poyo. *chuckles. you know i'll always love you, elle. and the boys too. except for ajwad pasal saja je. mocca disambut macam rockstar. kudos for the cute show. they played most of their old songs and only two songs from the new album (or did i miss some other new songs, no?). aku suka juga attitude drummernya. waktu aku lihat rokok yang dikepit antara bibirnya, ada semacam aura being in a dark jazz club. itu yang aku dapat rasa. itu yang buat aku rasa dia seksi. you can't escape bad boys. haih. my weekends are getting better. so is my soul.

kau boleh genggam dan crashkan-nya dengan bare hands kau saja pasal age is just a number

aku suka stage yang berselerak, semak dengan wayar-wayar yang berkeliaran, bunyi-bunyi yang kau strum lantas keluar raging through the amps. cahaya malap yang bagi effect silhouette dengan asap-asap tembakau lalu-lalang buat aku tenggelam dalam vortex sound. familiar faces, komuniti lepak hujung minggu 10 tahun yang lalu giving out familiar nods. old time jokes. reminiscences. young and wasted. age is just a number. tapi age yang kerap ditambah, dan ditambah lagi, comes responsibilities. young; macam jauh nun di belakang sana. wasted; hilang terus dari kamus hidup. tapi aku tahu juga, kau semua tentu bersyukur dengan phrase yang satu ini.

once in a blue moon.

age is just a number. and the system, like rules, are made to be broken.

menari dengan ombak thai

phuket sangat bersih. i expected patong beach to be as crowded as kuta but i was wrong. we had fun playing in the big waves with paragliders over us in the sky. the shopping experience was obviously way better than bali. we found a pair of red checkered oxford heels for only 250baht. gila ke?! we were running around patong like two mad women with lavid being dragged with us because she's the only one who can speak thai fluently and apparently they'd give way cheaper price if you can speak their language. i even found the dreamy wedding dress, perfect for an island wedding.


i'm considering full time island lover. leaving the thai island wasn't as bad as leaving the previous local island. tapi aku masih mengheret kedua kaki aku dengan hati yang berat waktu berangkat pulang. pasal aku tidak mahu kembali ke setiap pagi yang buat hati aku berdebar setiap kali aku memutar steering wheel ke ruang letak kereta. semacam takut yang pada dasarnya, aku masih vulnerable. persis waktu awal dahulu.

yang kita tidak mahu

yesterday evening anne called all the way from the island up north. mengadu mahu bunuh diri pasal semua di sana berpasangan kecuali dirinya. mengadu tiada yang mahu menolongnya mengangkat her belongings. mengadu bahawa mungkin she's so used to having someone to put on sun-block lotion on her back. sayang, tidak perlu bunuh diri pasal aku pun ada perasaan yang sama. perasaan yang kosong. kau ingat freda? aku dan dia confident yang kami akan grow old alone so she suggested for us to work hard now so that later when we're old we're going to build our own retirement house. tapi aku rasa itu sudah lari dari idea growing old alone. the thought of it makes me shudder. satu hari john. j tanya aku soalan yang pelik. 'kamu tak nak apa?' and i replied his sms with 'i don't wanna grow up alone and go crazy.' pasal malam sebelumnya walaupun dalam keadaan mamai, aku sempat habiskan menonton Requiem for a Dream. to grow old alone, jadi gila dan tiada sesiapa yang mahu menjaga aku adalah satu mimpi ngeri. i know i whine a lot tapi aku tidak mahu kisah hidup aku jadi salah satu kisah cerekarama di hujung minggu. kawan-kawan memang ada di sekeliling tapi bukannya selalu mereka mahu melayan perasaan aku yang kosong. atau perangai mengada-ngada. semuanya punyai masalah masing-masing. tidak perlu ditambah lagi beban-beban itu. aku rindu berpegangan tangan. juga asking freely for hugs to calm me down. "at least kau ada john. j." but we are not each other's. dan lagi susah kalau both of us are in denials. sometimes i feel like a burden to him. kerap dia ucapkan tentang kepentingan persefahaman dan mungkin aku ada masalah dengan itu. bukannya aku tidak faham, aku mahu faham. perbandingannya lebih kurang begini: aku tahu hujan boleh mendatangkan demam tapi aku masih bermandi hujan just for the fun of it. get it? and for me to be pissed at a certain situation, kadang-kadang buat aku rasa guilty pasal who am i kidding? who am i to be pissed anyway. aku tidak ada hak untuk berperasaan begitu. no strings attached, kan? berpaut lah aku pada sisi bangunan konkrit itu sampai tangan letih dan tidak dapat menampung lagi lalu jatuh di atas jalan tar. gatal mahu get involve, kan? i'll just wait for that bruises coming my way. owh. aku sudah dengar ia berdesir datang.

default answer

1. sedang mata aku melilau membaca text against the white screen in front of me, elle sibuk membuat nescafe di dapur.
"kau jarang cakap pasal lucid kan?" she asked, putting two tall cups on the table.
"yeah..." mata aku masih melekat di skrin laptop.
"aku sedar kau tak banyak cerita sangat pasal lucid berbanding azuki. you don't love lucid, do you?" buat aku shrug my shoulders. to neutralize the situation, aku ketawa kecil.
"mungkin macam my love life. not ready yet to take the same kind of responsibilities. or aku masih rindu kot," i joked. dia jeling.
"meaning lucid tu cuma macam infatuation?" bunyinya macam mahu marah. aku gelak.
"entah." and proceed scrolling the page in front of me.



2. "aku rasa aku perlu jumpa psychiatrist." anne turned to look at me. her eyes wandered across my face searching for possible answers that maybe can led to the sentence i just blurted out.
"why?" she asked when she couldn't find the answer.
"i don't know. i just feel like doing so." i shrugged.



3. john.j, bila soalan yang ditanya-nya, aku jawab dengan jawapan yang sama, dia akan kata:
"come on. kita makan sebab lapar, kan?" dan aku akan tergelak. bila dia tanya lagi soalan yang sama, otak aku cuba memproses jawapan.
"hmm...i don't know."



tiga conversations, dengan jawapan yang sama. slowly realizing it, this is the root of my problems. i don't know what i want. i don't even know what i don't know.

another weekend, the same agony

that friday night was the best. all of my favourite friends were there. & i said to elm:
"you're so adorable, can i hug you?"
"sure." & i went home smiling, satisfied. at last. andre's gonna be so fucken jealous, i reckon. the next morning, as elle entered the bathroom, she was annoyed out of her mind because i wrote elm's name on the mirror. that's how i say good morning at home. ha ha. but as usual, after the happy moment, came the fearful one. early sunday morning, we sent mak to the airport for her perth trip while abah was at home, with cancer & fever. as we arrived at his house, he was in agony. we had to rush him to a government hospital, 30mins away. it was at the hospital that things got worse. he was crying in pain. & government service here is very slow. abah was bleeding, something that should not have happened. he said it must've been an infection. mili & i took turns to take care of him. along, he kept missing in action. as the eldest son, he was irresponsible. i don't know whether his bad attitude have anything to do with his girlfriend. ooppss. did i just point a finger? hunh. that particular morning, he was already at abah's house & he could've taken him himself but no. instead, he called us, asked where's azuki's food & even ordered mcdonald's breakfast. so we thought everything was fine when it was actually a critical situation. i'm not badmouthing my own brother but mili & i was really furious. he was weirdly irresponsible of the situation. everything would be passed to us. if abah's sickness is something of the norm, we wouldn't mind. but he's having prostate cancer lah , along. i can't even touch his medicine. when abah was crying in pain, i nearly flooded my eyes because i was helpless, i didn't know what to do. the man who i've always looked up to, the strong wise man, was helpless & i couldn't do anything about it. the feeling was shit.

cynical sudah ditanam awal-awal lagi

aku seorang yang selfish (bukan penjual ikan. tapi self-ish). apa yang penting buat aku, adalah orang-orang yang banyak mempengaruhi kitaran hidup aku: teman, kekasih hati. teman tapi mesra tidak tergolong. orang-orang yang penting buat aku, kadang-kadang very unlucky. sebab mereka terpaksa berhadapan dengan bahagian aku yang lebih ketara dari friendly, iaitu cynical. bukannya aku tak cuba, tapi aku cuba menahan diri dari menjadi seorang yang cynical & cold-hearted terhdap orang-orang yang penting buat aku. jenis orang-orang yang kalau hilang, hilanglah arah tuju aku. gone-lah tempat mengadu aku. aku selalu menyanjungi mereka yang disayangi ini. aku tak mahu mereka terluka dek kata-kata harsh aku. sesungguhnya, aku tidak pandai untuk berbicara dengan lembut. aku tak tahu selok-belok menjadi shrink yang berjaya. betul. aku sayang orang-orang penting ini. dan kamu, wahai orang-orang penting, aku minta diberikan sedikit ruang untuk aku yang kadang-kadang cynical ini. aku masih berusaha. aku cuba memahami kamu, menerima. do the vice-versa for me please?

ya. aku akan berbahasa melayu dalam bersenandung konspirasi. bila aku marah, sedih atau dalam apa jua bentuk emotionally distractions.

the apartment

ahaa....i've got so much free time that i can post as many entries per day as i want to. for this time around, i'd like to membebel about the current house i'm paying for. ok. just the room. & the bills.


this is just a diagram of the apartment where some friends & i are currently renting. it's in the south area of the city. there's me, elle & her beloved and danny. owh. & the notorious azuki. another owh. & danny's brother who like to lie down in the living hall once in a while. previously, before elle moved in, it was me & 'heart who stayed in their room. then some major relationship thing occurred & i decided we shouldn't live in the same house, let alone the same room anymore. but after a year, after the mega-drama, i moved back in the house only different room & just me. by this time around, 'heart finally understood why it's bad to be living together. lembab. i know. previously, danny had a roommate (who's now back in his exotic origin). they're both the perfect hip hop couple: skinny with the biggest shirt they could get their hands on. & apparently they're 'heart's friends. unfortunately, elle is not someone who can accept those baggy clothes. it kills her to see danny's roommate, nic walking around the house with his pants showing off the top of his butt cleavage. ahahahahha.... gila. but despite the different style/fashion beliefs, we somehow managed to connect with each other. but you know, living with very untidy boys can sometimes get to your nerves. nic often travels because he happens to be our national athlete for extreme games. everytime he comes back from wherever the competition was, he'd leave his enormous luggage in the living hall, until the next trip. how annoying is that? sometimes, danny's friends from Singapore would pay us a visit & apparently they like to come in packs. at that time, the house would be so crowded like some asrama pelarian. it annoys me too but since i'm that adjustable & i'm kind of friends with some of them, it wasn't a really big deal. but it was for elle & co. we've got so many visitors whom i guess were very generous because we let them stayed there for free, they'd leave some belongings when they went back home. e.g: t-shirts, pants, towels. we even still have a really big plastic bag of clothes which belongs to the previous tenant (danny's ex-girlfriend) that we're not sure of whether she stll wants it or not because sometimes after a few months, she'd come to take back what's hers, but not all of it. after a few months later she'll pop up suddenly asking for her fan lah, apa-apa lah. the house is a total mess that we don't even know where to start our cleaning session. in the end, semua malas & now we're moving out. senang kan?

down the window.

hamsters' cage & old family pictures.

banksy's think tank artwork for blur.

the head of my bed.

rain against my window.

up the window.

my laptop & my old fishbowl.

these are some pictures of my room before i re-vamped it. maybe i'll update soon.

reminiscence of despite

lewat malam tadi, aku bermimpi.

eight years ago, i had a close friend. that i fell in love with. despite what the friendship turned into, i kept all the sweetest memories of him close to my heart. at that time, the mirc chatting device was quite a hit. i couldn't recall how we first knew each other. i think through a friend of mine who had a huge crush on him. it was on their first blind date that i tagged along. ok. i was dragged along. done with chatting on mirc, we chatted on the phone instead. late night conversations. since my secondary school was situated right in the middle of the hip & happening part of Kuala Lumpur, it was easy for us to hang out for drinks at the forbidden mamak stalls. it was known to our circle of friends how close we were at that time. we had an on-off relationship where suddenly we would stop contacting each other & suddenly a call would appear out of the blue. i knew where i stood all the time. i remember fick was a sweet guy. & we all know how girls have a thing for sweet guys. apparently, everytime he went 'missing', i knew he was dating someone. i decided that i should just stop have feelings for him & stick to just friends. once, when he didn't cal me in a while, i found out that he got back together with his ex-girlfriend. i was kind of relieved because i thought this is it. this will stop me from having feelings towards him. right. i respected his relationship. i knew his girlfriend was curious about me. but fick, he wouldn't stop calling me. until one day, i think, they broke off because of...me. honestly, i didn't intend to interfere. when fick said his girlfriend was jealous of me, i was clueless. jealous of what? i totally raked my head for answers. though i was having a crush on him, i was the only one with the secret. nobody else. but it was back then, when i was naive about most of the important things in life. so, we got close again. parted and got close. it was after a year of befriending fick, that this one night, on the phone, he blurted out, "i love you". which of course left me speechless. what i felt that night tasted like a fruit punch, with everything mixed all together. it was awkward in the first place, but we managed to act all normal about it. & he continued blurting it out everytime we ended our phone conversation. i was skeptical. i didn't really reply it. "ok" was enough. haha. until one night when i think it was my turn to make a confession. "i love you & i don't want to lose you" was said in one breath and a peck on his cheek. "ha? apa awak cakap tadi? saya tak dengar la". laaa..tak dengar ke? but i ignored him. on second thought, maybe it was a mistake so i was glad that he didn't get it. the next night we had supper with a couple of friends in Bangsar. there was a couple of menus on our table & i remember there was this one steak with a funny name so i read it out loud. at the same time fick, who was sitting across the table, held a same copy of the menu. he too, as i saw it, was studying the menu. "ha? ape? steak i love you but i don't want to lose you?". -____- at that time, i felt like running right into the middle of the street, biar kena langgar kereta. fick have this typical sweetness a girl would expect from a guy. when i got mad at him, he'd say "eh. betul la orang cakap, perempuan nampak lebih manis bila dia marah". now tell me how am i supposed to not fall for that? there was this one night when we were driving around town, i was sitting next to him, another two of our friends at the back. the traffic light was red, & i was looking outside my window. it turned out we missed a green light. because the other two at the back was looking out from each other's side window too & fick? he was looking at me. cheesy, i know. sigh. i loved all the good moments we had together. once, on a phone conversation, the line got distracted & i joked "i'm losing you! i'm losing you". instead, he said "no. you'll never lose me" in a very calm manner. but it was in those days. somehow, after a long time i got tired of him always coming back to me when he's not dating anyone else. i got tired because while he's dating that someone, he didn't even give me call to say "hi". yes. i just wanted a "hi", nothing more. because i know, even if we get together, someday we'll broke off & lose each other. & if we stay friends, he'll get married one day, & it's just the same. i'll lose him.

fick, i got up this morning & i miss you.

conservative in the kitchen

"u'r good enough to make people around u feel welcome & i bet u most of them would like to be ur friend. stop being paranoid. instead of telling anne that, now am telling u the same thing."

yang ini my other close girlfriend. yes. apparently i have only two very close girlfriends with the most different persona/attitude ever. it has always been like that. when i was in primary, in high school; i'm forever be the one stuck in the middle. but i'm honest in saying that you can see the both of them in me. no doubt. elle, is a very conservative being. she would like to study until she get whatever menara gading just to satisfy her own needs (she's a 4-flat student, mind you). she owns a good boyfriend & not planning on flirting with anyone else in the meantime just to checkout some other options. i guess you can say her life is somewhat like those wives we see on t.v. to picture the perfect american family. she cooks, bake nice cakes & muffins, wears apron in the kitchen, goes EVERYWHERE with her boyfriend, she bebels & suka tumpah-tumpahkan air. i totally love to tease her. she would scoff at certain wild stuff anne & i do sometimes. elle is the person i need to make me sane again, to scoff at myself when i'm being a klutz. but she's afraid of cats. instead, she'd rather sleep with an iguana. loco! auwwrr...but she just bought an angora mixed rabbit which is the cutest thing ever. but that's another story. always, i whine at her, saying that i'm no good at socializing (refer to the dialog above). it's true. most of my friends are my friends' friend. afraid of what the other party would think of me, i shut myself up. owh yes. i think too much of the consequences in every aspect. but anyway elle, i feel at ease when i read your comment. only the first 2 minutes. ngah!

she's a remote control

& that's what keeping her sane. i'm not saying she's a control freak, but she likes to feel that way. we've been friends for about ten years now. had some ups & downs, joy & sorrow. the most important thing about anne, she knows what she wants & she's gonna work hard for it no matter what. i'm already proud of where she got herself now. she is that free-spirited person people wouldn't mind being around with. guys, wants her. girls, wants to practically be her. though she was in some bad relationships, i'm glad that in the end, she'll decide that life have to go on & there's not a single minute to waste. she's that hippie dreamer with passion to fulfill. by saying her icon is kerry bradshaw (yes. of that sex & the city series), u know what kind of a person i'm talking about. she is my shoulder to cry on, the lap that i turn to whenever i feel there's no one else to comfort me. plus, she's good with words like that of peppermint tea, cooling me down. whenever we get together, bizarre things will definitely happen, somehow. i accuse her of being the magnet. or maybe we just make a good 'bizarre-team'. despite her free-spirited persona, there are times when she's too paranoid of her surroundings. of what they might say. & always i ponder, why would she wanna feel that way? there's no need of that, anne. u are good the way u are. & nobody's perfect, remember? so stop trying to satisfy everyone & leave a little space for yourself.