your part time island lover

being single, buat aku berubah pendirian. soalan kau, bolehkah aku berubah? well, masih ada ego lagi tapi tidak begitu tinggi. mungkin sudah kurang hingga sama ketinggian aku. and i'm slightly different. tapi aku tidak begitu pasti for the better or worse. yang aku sedar i've become a sucker for compliments and getaways. jadi jangan salahkan aku bila aku mengangguk kepada ajakan kali ini. pulau adalah salah satu favourite venue getaway aku. part time job aku: island lover. synergy, it's show time!

ya kit theng rao nah!

ada aku kah?

terbang mengelilingi
meneliti
satu kemudian satu

berjengket-jengket
mengintai di sebalik
meneliti lagi

kau yang sedang mendagu
fikir apa kah?
mimpi apa kah?
mungkin ada aku kah?

dongak sini
ada awan comel
bentuk hati
tolong senyum
awan ini
kau yang punya

tangan aku
ada lima makhluk kecil
yang merindui
yang lagi lima
yang di tangan kau





come on
be my lover now
and kisses
on your eyes
shall be my gift

-fzk-

this hardcore moment should be cherished

dewa dewi mimpi, dewa dewi perasaan, dewa dewi cinta, dewa dewi harapan; you should be happy because you are gonna get that long holiday you've been wanting all these while. aku faham perasaan kau semua, penat dan bosan dengan kerja. ya, seperti aku juga. jadi aku beri kau semua cuti pasal malam yang satu itu, aku sudah dapat jawapan yang dicari-cari. walaupun aku tersadung sedikit tapi tidak mengapa lah. i've prepared for the worst to come. and it came. not exactly the way i predicted but it was quite the same. tapi aku tidak faham kenapa kau perlu shoot me back with that kind of question. aku tidak kisah kalau kau rasa i'm a loser for asking that peculiar question but at least aku jujur and now i've got my answer. satu score untuk malam minggu. malam yang sebelumnya pula, i've realized that the main personal reason i'm here in this world is just for sex. to be calling me out of the blue with the excuse you haven't seen me in a while and came up with a heavy hangover, cara kau memang salah untuk dapatkan apa saja that you had in mind at that moment. kalau kau rasa apa yang kau baca ini adalah a wrong impression i had on you, you know what to do. but i guess we both know, we are only each others' infatuation. nothing more, nothing less right? that's how you want it to be. jadi para dewa dewi, kau semua aku beri off day. sampai bila, aku masih belum pasti. just stay on-call. because nobody's hardcore enough.

"he's cute kan? tapi dia corrupted la." we skipped across the zebra lane.
"yeah. he's cute. but everyone else in this durjana city is corrupted. you, me, no exception." and we laughed our way up to the usual friday night hide-out.

laut yang tidak mungkin kau nampak dengan mata kasar

dalam kepala aku, ada satu lautan. kira-kira seluas infiniti. laut yang airnya warna biru kehijauan, langitnya biru sedap mata memandang. ada awan yang pelbagai bentuk.

tapi yang paling favourite, awan yang teksturnya macam pasir di pantai waktu air surut.

dalam laut itu, ada aku. i am no longer the daughter of the ocean that you are drowning in. i am the daughter drowning in my own ocean. tenggelam-timbul ombak mengacah aku. ada suara-suara mengelilingi aku. ada yang membisik, ada yang mengherdik. air laut rasa masin, persis rasa airmata kau yang aku jilat waktu memujuk. airmata semua rasanya sama kah? mungkinkah ada airmata yang rasanya macam lolipop yang warna merah, yang anak-anak kecil seronok kemam dalam mulut. dewa mimpi, i imagined, sangat cantik yang aku memang pasti airmatanya rasa manis buah. jadi aku agak keliru kenapa dia, semacam dengki akan aku. perlukah kau tiupkan mimpi-mimpi komplikasi ke dalam tidur aku? yang bermain-main dengan perasaan. tell me what i have to do to be your dear friend. a friend with benefits pasal aku ingin sangat tahu apa yang satu itu sedang mimpikan tatkala bulan di atas itu bercahaya kuat, melayan lagu-lagu rindu bagi yang tidak dapat melupakan. dan mungkin kau akan bisikkan ke telinga aku tentang perasaan jujur si dia itu. i'd give anything just to know. anything.

unspoken words

yang ini aku belajar dari past experiences. some things are better left unsaid. but most of the things are not. unspoken feelings for instance, boleh buat kau tidak puas hati. boleh buat kau jadi gila.
tentu kau tidak dapat meneka bahawa aku nampak kau dalam tidur. berhari-hari lamanya. dan tentu sekali kau tidak pernah terlintas pun untuk meneka bahawa ada satu malam, we made love in the water. with protection.

sneak out

aku selalu wonder, kenapa ada perempuan yang sanggup ber-affair-kan suami orang. i think the reason, apart from of course, all the best guys are the ones taken, adalah thrill of doing it. macam mana kau semua going against the tide. mahu jadi minoriti yang memberontak. rasa satu jenis kepuasan.

malam tadi aku macam seorang pelajar sekolah menengah. kalau rumah tingkat satu, mungkin aku tidak akan berfikir dua-tiga kali untuk menyelinap keluar melalui tingkap. mahu rasa thrill. lainkali, aku mahu rasa macam naik roller coaster. lebih thrill.

bukan workaholic, mungkin mabuk sedikit

aku sudah tua ke? i find slumber waaayyy better than dancing in a dark smoky place where everyone else is either underage or fake. which at certain seconds, includes me too. or maybe aku sudah gila ke? pasal everytime i close my eyes, i see him. in a situation where it already happened or something that i've created in my head. and the thing is, whenever i opened my eyes, i see him too. dan aku sudah gila ke, having this urge of begging for the video of the past to be played again on the projector di mana akhir filem itu aku tahu kesudahannya. yang of course, buat aku jatuh melutut. tapi yang nyata, semalam mak ingat aku mabuk:

waktu yang tertera on my samsung's super small screen was 8.30. my mind sped up to the project i'm currently handling and its dateline. shit! aku buka pintu bedroom dengan kelam-kabut and saw mak brushing her teeth. quickly grabbing my towel i reminded mak to hurry up so i can get a quick shower.
"dah lambat dah ni!" she turned to face me.
"kau nak pergi mana?" she had a weird expression on her face.
"kerja lah." aku pusing membelakangkan mak, wanted to get my clothes off.
"kerja kat mana?" mak masih ada that weird expression. and suddenly aku fikir, eh, hari ini cuti umum ke?
"tempat biasa lah!" aku macam sedikit frustrated dengan soalan mak yang pelik.
"kau kerja hari ahad ke?" suara mak mulai lantang. eh?
Ha Ha Ha!
"apo kau mabuk ko?!" kan dah sebijik kena loghat mother tounge dia.

i was even about to text my colleagues informing them of me coming in late. ha'ah. responsible kan aku? pelik. mahu kata aku workaholic, tidak juga. entah apa angin yang sampuk aku pagi ahad semalam.

honestly-actually

i'm bad at translating. though i find direct translations are somewhat amusing. jadi ini cubaan aku untuk mengalih-bahasa. from bahasa melayu to english. i won't tell you about the original copy pasal aku mahu kamu teka. and if your guess is right, means that i've improved my translation skills.


dear moon
who has always been there for me
when these cheeks are wet from tears
and the songs playing on the radio are being sarcastic
when you are with another

is this hatred actually love
hiding deep in here for you
and honestly i long for
beneath that smile of yours,
you to miss me too

i refused
pretending that i am happy
i refused
seeing you with her
oh yes i admit this jealousy comes seeping in
when you are with another
is this hatred actually love
hiding deep in here for you
and honestly i long for
beneath that smile of yours,
you to miss me too

the second you stared into her eyes
i fainted for the earth to catch me
the second you wanted to leave
it felt like breathing underwater

is this hatred actually love
hiding deep in here for you
and honestly i long for
beneath that smile of yours,
you to miss me too


well, take your time guessing, people.

zaman sekarang, orang sudah tidak search online instead they 'google' it up

tag yang ini aku tipu. banyak. in the middle of googling up my name, rasa macam mahu give up. pfft.

Q: Type in “[your name] needs” in the Google search: “senandung k needs”
A: senandung k needs marinating to realize its full potential

Q: Type in “[your name] looks like” in Google search: “senandung k looks like”
A: senandung k looks like a dead ringer

Q: Type in “[your name] says” in Google search: “senandung k says”
A: senandung k says in a pleasant tone, "and your point is?"

Q: Type in “[your name] wants” in Google search: “senandung k wants”
A: senandung k wants freedom of speech

Q: Type in “[your name] does” in Google search: “senandung k does”
A: senandung k does not disappoint as expected

Q: Type in “[your name] hates” in Google search: “senandung k hates”
A: senandung k hates the son-in-law

Q: Type in “[your name] asks” in Google search: “senandung k asks”
A: senandung k asks and answers, "What happened in between the battles?"

Q: Type in “[your name] goes” in Google search: “senandung k goes”
A: senandung k goes to london

Q: Type in “[your name] likes ” in Google search: “senandung k likes”
A: senandung k likes to get away from home

Q: Type in “[your name] eats ” in Google search: “senandung k eats”
A: senandung k eats nails, needles, and bits of tin

Q: Type in “[your name] wears ” in Google search: “senandung k wears”
A: senandung k wears a black skirt, because she's not in the Ilian army

Q: Type in “[your name] was arrested for” in Google Search: “senandung k was arrested for”
A: senandung k was arrested for trying to board an airplane at LAX with a loaded handgun

Q: Persons senandung k wanna tag; (not from Google)
A: anyone who likes to do adventerous tags -_-

eh. how about i tag u back, xumb?

sarcasm in me

since she's done with her practical at a certain hotel in the city, mili and her friends went for a getaway to pangkor. she's never been to small islands before and she has only seen my pictures of it. so i guess she had the idea of a chalet in front of the beach where she can go into the water anytime she wants. she text me up yesterday as they arrived on the island:

xxx071
i tot of running on d beach n watch sunset but we r staying in an aprtmnt n i cant even see the beach.rasa mcm nak nangis :(

xxx112
its ok.try comparing pangkor n ur practical plc.besides we r going to phuket pun n perhentian will be around lagi.

xxx071
u r so nice.now i feel better.thanks :)

xxx112
of course im nice.i passed someone i love to a croptop bitch,right? :)

xxx071
hahaha! that's a good one!

xxx112
owh.lupa nak ckp.zatix thought that ex-heart brought along carlitto to the wdding.right.yg brbj kby la kan.

xxx071
AHAHAHAHAHA!!!now im LAUGHING out loud!!!


kadang-kadang kalau jadi jahat rasa best. macam puas hati. jadi baik selalu pun tiada guna. nobody acknowledge pun. lagi buat sakit hati ada lah.

*carlitto is a male colleague

kalau hip hop kenapa berdalih?

dulu, ada satu masa, aku macam gila too phat. aku cuba recall the real reason of the sudden angin but my memory kan very dusty so i'm still clueless until this very minute. waktu itu, seingat aku they just launched the album, the one with a track called jezebelle. kau tahu, hari sabtu itu we had a gig di atas pejabat post. gig di mana line-up nya adalah band-band ska, ska punk (aku pun sudah lupa macam mana kami boleh berada di antara line-up band untuk itu hari) and para hadirin adalah abang-abang dan adik-adik berseluar ketat dan ber-but. crowd yang kami suka, of course. sambil menunggu giliran kami untuk naik stage yang berukuran 15cm, kau tahu aku ke mana? runner ke tower records to catch a glimpse of the hip hop duo. ha ha. aku lupa aku paksa siapa untuk snap a picture of me with too phat performing behind me. the outcome of the picture sangat kelakar. like, so me. and once, when we were in a car and i saw joe having a drink with his friends at a mamak stall, kau tahu aku buat apa? aku jadi excited. dan bila aku jadi excited, remote controller aku vanish. aku roll down the car window, i screamed "i love you, joe!". ha ha ha. i'm even having goosebumps while typing this. kepada pembaca yang might know joe personally, jangan mengada mahu beritahu dia tentang entry yang ini kalau mahu hidup lama. waktu awal-awal when i decided to go crazy on them, i thought to myself that i had to choose at least one of them to drool on. i couldn't really set my mind because aha! now i remember why i was into too phat, it was their songs. bukan sebab malique or joe but it was their talents that got me hooked. how they managed to rhyme good words. aku rasa aku cuma terima too phat saja as our local hip hop group. aku belum pernah bagi peluang pada ahli fiqir atau group yang lain. but i do think that cat fabouloso writes good music. ha ha. yang ini aku jujur okay, anne. bukan just because. since 10am today, until now, i've been repeating songs from malique's double cd. mantera beradu featuring m. nasir got me hooked. i like how his voice goes with the song, sangat mistik. aku excited, jadi aku beri colleagues aku check out the song. i got good feedbacks tapi yang seorang ini, komen dia buat aku emo. ha ha. he questioned kenapa malique macam poyo preach-rapping, yang hardcore rap tak ada ke? habis itu kau mahu ke kokokaina menyanyi nasyid? bukan bulu dia pun, kan? ha ha. he said something about malique not being original (kau yang punya was originally sang by the roots featuring erykah badu). eleh. nobody is really original pun nowadays. so i questioned him back: why is it okay with international artists to cover old songs? why is it okay for them to sound like other bands but it's not okay for our local bands? he replied with they did it with style. well, i think ada antara pemuzik local mainstream mahupun independent yang did it with style too. ugh. sebenarnya aku naik jelak dengan lagu madonna - 4 minutes and mariah's touch my body. aku rasa lagu mereka masuk chart pun pasal just because. or maybe because mariah ada big jiggly-wiggly boobs. ke bukan bulu aku, mungkin? so i told my colleague that his band prolly sounds like some other bands too. see? nobody's original. innovative maybe. siapalah kita kalau mahu dibandingkan dengan mereka yang sudah berkecimpung dalam industri muzik sejak azali lagi. and about m. nasir criticizing urban music, mungkin waktu itu dia masih belum matang. kira baguslah waktu itu dia menegakkan apa yang dia percaya. but people actually do change, kan? macam aku, benci skateboarders, tapi the first guy that i had a serious crush on was a skateboarder and my first serious relationship was with a skateboarder. tapi in the end aku stick juga dengan perasaan aku. kebencian. entah. aku macam tidak dapat elak dari being judgmental like that. no offense but i've got some personal experiences. aah. tak mahu lari topik lah.

anyway, you guys should give malique's ok album a chance. owh yeah. that colleague of mine, when he listened to both cds, actually likes most of the songs.

like wo-ow-ow

disko jumaat malam had to be canceled and i was found sleeping in the favourite maxi with a fever. tiba-tiba saja. saturday was spent nude around the house while rearranging the bedroom's furnitures' position. berseorangan di rumah, aku boleh buat apa saja. termasuk buat kerja half-way and left quite a mess in the living room. sorry lavid. but i was already late for a depressed friend waiting in durjana city and also that party. it was a well-spent saturday night despite my head aching by the second set. owh. must be because our table was exactly in front of the amps and kadang-kadang dentuman bass yang macam mahu keluarkan jantung. but at the end of the night, i had my face in the palms of al's hands.
"why are you looking down?" aku cerita yang aku cemburu.
"kenapa kena selalu dia???" oops. al macam marah dan kemudian dia kata yang dia mahu aku happy. that i should spend more time with him and the others. aku sengih. gotta fake it, innit? hari yang esoknya, aku nampak dia depan mata, aku nampak sesuatu yang sudah biasa tapi malangnya aku nampak situasi itu; macam mimpi and that person, she looked nothing like me. part yang itu, rasa asing, bukan biasa lagi. and it was raining, supplying the best prop for the scene. kena dengan mood. jadi aku cari teman bicara. it's been a while since i met tashe, so i steered my way to bijou bazaar.
"do you still have feelings for him?" i asked about her past while flipping through the second-hand tops. tashe nodded.
"you?" erm...
"i guess ye la kot since you're jealous, right?" tashe was holding the two white tops she was contemplating on buying. i shrugged.
"i guess so."
it was good having that session with her. by evening, i was more excited on putting the cd i just bought on the car's player rather than thinking pathetically on what i wanted in the first place. satu quote yang aku simpan elok-elok in my mind, putting it nicely next to 'the least you can do is wash the dishes', adalah ayat yang keluar dari mulut tashe: you can never win everything. i want an affectionate partner, who won't have problems with PDAs and i need someone who i can converse with. aku akan tunggu satu hari itu datang dan lihat mana satu yang aku dapat genggam. you know, i hate her, that crop-top bitch tapi bersyukur aku kerana aku masih punya hati. somehow aku tidak langsung menyumpah their relationship pasal in the first place, siapa cari pasal dulu? siapa yang tidak tahan menjadi bodoh untuk kali yang ke berapa pun aku sudah lupa? siapa yang tidak mahu jadi sakit jiwa memikirkan benda yang sama berulang kali? life is fair pun. kalau yang sedang terjadi itu salah, karma akan datang. esok ke, minggu depan ke, lima tahun lagi ke, we don't know. aku percaya karma. mungkin my good karma will come smiling at me nanti. come to think of it, the weekend wasn't that bad. after all, i had john. j as dessert.

by the way, i dropped roti's cd and bought malique's instead. okay is good lah, for now.