perang dingin, lelaki, perempuan dan in between

Comparing is never a good thing. Tapi aku rasa untuk tahu nilai kau, perbandingan memang perlu. Semalam Mili graduated from her training. So i brought Mak and Along was supposed to come with Abah but he was busy so Abah came alone. My parents, i didn't really know what happened between them. Yang aku ingat cuma they stopped talking to each other more than 10 years ago. Perang dingin, simpulan bahasanya. It was awkward sitting in the middle of them yesterday, campur lagi aku memang tidak pandai make conversation. Mungkin jangkamasa aku tinggal sendiri dulu buat aku rasa asing dengan mereka or there's just something weird about me. But they managed to act cooly dan Mak menang dengan perangai selambanya, taking her teh tarik and sitting at the same table as Abah. Jadi aku reward dia dengan menyinggah ke Sungai Buloh so she can get her potted plant untuk memenuhkan lagi mini balkoni at her apartment.

Aku pernah cakap pada Mili,"with our parents like this, how are we supposed to get married?" She just nodded and shrugged.

Getting married. Penting sangat ke? Aku jadi bosan bila sekarang goal masing-masing is to find the right guy yang tidak akan cheat behind your back, break your heart or kahwin lagi satu. Lelaki memang Tuhan buat dia macam itu, perempuan sebagai salah satu passion-nya. Betapa sayangnya dia pada kau, kau cuma perlu cekal hati, make-believe yang hanya kau seorang yang paling penting dalam hidupnya.

But easier said than done. Kita manusia, bukan kasut atau basikal.

Aku mahu cerita tentang bagaimana aku rasa terabai dibandingkan dengan siblings aku yang lain. But i don't think i should add on another sad pathetic story. Pasal esok tahun baru cina. I wish i'm a drinker so i can drink all the free alcohol and be jolly sambil wash away memories yang tidak enak. Despite how the magnets doesn't connect, i wish you wanted me to stay.

Dan sometimes aku mahu jerit sekuat-kuat hati, sekuat-kuat hatred,"DARI MANA DATANGNYA SEMUA EGO INI PASAL AKU MACAM SANGAT TERSEKSA!"