it's just a typical new year

another three days to new year and i still don't have resolutions. not even one. well, does it matter? because it's always the same every year and nothing ever changes. we list them but forgot about it later after all the parties & fireworks & kisses & drugs & alcohols & what is, what not. actually, i gave up on listing new year's resolution long time ago. heh.

happy new year, anyway.

slowly moving to a new phase

i was humming to some tune as i headed towards the sink.
"kenapa kau macam happy hari ni?" asked seed.
i was dangling my new earrings which made 'klink!klink!' sound, an early birthday gift from isaa and kobe sparked me:
(2:32 PM) lembu expensive: wei..tahniah..anda adalah org yg paling gembira hari ini di pejabat
(2:32 PM) lembu expensive: :D

i guess i woke up on the right side of bed this morning despite the terrible news i received from mili last night. one of her close friends passed away and she didn't get to attend the funeral because she forgot to forward her new number to some of her other close friends. her friend who passed away because of asthma was 'heart's friend's ex-girlfriend and i knew her too. mili & i addressed her as the girl who always gets her way. i wonder what would all the people around her who didn't treat her that nice feels now...al-fatihah.
evening yesterday, lavid, nata & i had a look around at our new apartment. a 15mins drive to work with jusco across the road and the durjana city not too far away, the place's just perfect: swimming pool, gym, sauna, grocery shop, laundry, barber shop, tailor, parking space & very tight security. semua sekali: RM650. the house's cute, the living hall's pink & three different colours for the three rooms. sepantas kilat i ran for a room that views the swimming pool and far across the road. sorry lavid. i'm really excited about moving in to a new place. but...on my birthday next week i'll be having a job interview at lorong tempinis kanan, which is two tolls from the new apartment. i really don't know which should i cross my fingers to. anyway, we're getting the key to the house tonight. it's a big relief for me since i have to get out of the current house by end of this month. owh. so much happenings on my birthday this year. :)

and despite the marah-marah, geram-geram, sedih-sedih, tawar-tawar towards 'heart, i kind of miss him.

rasa macam nak marah saja

i think my temper went for a holiday. & when the holiday season have arrived for me, the sweet little temper came home forcing a hug on me, last night. & always, the temper victim will be at the wrong place with the wrong time: 'heart. after an anime, i had a light sleep while waiting for him. we were supposed to spend some quality time before he flew off to bali, just this morning. he arrived and asked if i were to come along to his family's house so that he can leave his car there instead of at the unguarded parking spaces below my apartment. my angin amarah started off when his mom asked, "abah sakit apa?". i don't know what happened, but that question turned on some unwanted buttons. dangerous buttons not to be touched by anyone or it'll give the people around me some good wounds. i was very sensitive about the recent agenda. i hated all the questions. everytime it popped, i didn't know whether i should spill the beans or just say, "he's fine. sakit tua saja." i know some of them honestly wanted to show their concern but i couldn't accept it. i'm sorry. last night when my temper was lingering around me, 'heart suddenly blurted "kita dah call dia." in a conversation we had. wait. wait. since when did we use that word to bahasakan diri masing-masing? when he was with aerial, he blurted "saya" somewhere in his text message. this is just a small matter right? like, what's wrong with using those words. well, isn't it obvious that meant only one thing? that he's been having conversations with someone (that have the ability to fucken tick me off) using those "awak" "saya" "kita" terms. & what more, i fucken know this fucken girl who in the first place was all about "you should get back with your girlfriend" but the next minute "kalau awak datang sini ada sikit selera makan kita." ugh. & mili did not help the situation today by being there at 1st home when i was supposed to pick her up at 2nd home & heads towards seremban. oh yeah. i'm having a fantastic day off today. rasa nak marah, marah, marah saja. seriously, like all of you people around me, i fucken hate my own temper. if only i know how to get rid of it.

curiosity killed the cat

but in my case, curiosity got me into deep deep shit.

rumah di jalan pantai, tanjung bidara

rumah, which in my point of view, sesuai untuk menulis. where abah would rather be hanging out rather than the city where everything's fast but sometimes too slow. where the sound of the angry waves wakes you up from your slumber in the middle of the night & makes you wonder if tomorrow never comes. where in the end, peace is all that you will get from the hard-blowing wind of the south china sea.

the passerby view.

wakaf minum kopi, hisap rokok.

from the master bedroom.

laut yang sentiasa mengaum, mengugut untuk ke darat.

a figure of speech

there was this one friday night at the usual club, al said to me: "if you decided to sleep with someone else, choose somebody from out of this durjana city." ha ha. what type of an advice is that? obviously, he was pissed at some ex who decided to fall for a very close friend of his. i pitied him, of course. i know the situation. what happened to me wasn't as close as that of a friend, but close. this durjana city is small. very small. everyone seems to know everyone. "owh. dia ni budak kolej aku." or "dia ni ex-girlfriend kawan aku." or yang paling best "dia ni bukan adik artis terkenal tanahair ke?" macam-macam. as al advised me, the image of boatman came rushing to my head. he wasn't good looking but he was cool as he rowed the shikara. i wonder what went wrong because his emails are currently major turn-offs. then, on that same night i met a guy who's a friend of a friend. we've met before at the audition anne & i went. that night speed came up to me & said hi. we hung out, he got drunk & was blabbering about the dj who refused to spin his request. he was cute. apparently, he's a friend of SDN's blogger. i remember reading his name somewhere in the blog & when i asked him whether he knew SDN guy, he said, "do you want to talk to him?i can call him for you." i refused his offer because yes, i get turned on by reading his blog but that's all. since then, vans & i have been changing ideas through text messages on the phone. he kills my boredom. there's nothing really interesting about texting 'heart at the moment because i found out he's been doing something that he accused me of doing before. i've realized that nothing's ever gonna change. not in the near future. so i hugged elm, who's my personal healer, which made me feel good. van, in the other hand, is my revenge towards 'heart. sad but true. weirdly, i didn't blew out on him as i got to know about his current late night conversation with a girl. he used to say, "itu hal peribadi i." well, guess what? it turns out that i too, have a hal peribadi of my own. 'heart said before any arguments, fights or any misunderstandings happen, let's get married. i replied, "what makes you think by marriage, shits won't happen?" last night, i told him i got tired of saying the same thing over and over again that i feel numb now. sometimes, as i say out the three loving words, i couldn't feel anything. just a figure of speech. i don't have the feel of longing for his touch, missing him like the desert miss the rain, bagai si pungguk rindukan bulan. i don't even have the feeling of sharing everything with him anymore, i'd rather have my friends listen to my emotions instead.

another weekend, the same agony

that friday night was the best. all of my favourite friends were there. & i said to elm:
"you're so adorable, can i hug you?"
"sure." & i went home smiling, satisfied. at last. andre's gonna be so fucken jealous, i reckon. the next morning, as elle entered the bathroom, she was annoyed out of her mind because i wrote elm's name on the mirror. that's how i say good morning at home. ha ha. but as usual, after the happy moment, came the fearful one. early sunday morning, we sent mak to the airport for her perth trip while abah was at home, with cancer & fever. as we arrived at his house, he was in agony. we had to rush him to a government hospital, 30mins away. it was at the hospital that things got worse. he was crying in pain. & government service here is very slow. abah was bleeding, something that should not have happened. he said it must've been an infection. mili & i took turns to take care of him. along, he kept missing in action. as the eldest son, he was irresponsible. i don't know whether his bad attitude have anything to do with his girlfriend. ooppss. did i just point a finger? hunh. that particular morning, he was already at abah's house & he could've taken him himself but no. instead, he called us, asked where's azuki's food & even ordered mcdonald's breakfast. so we thought everything was fine when it was actually a critical situation. i'm not badmouthing my own brother but mili & i was really furious. he was weirdly irresponsible of the situation. everything would be passed to us. if abah's sickness is something of the norm, we wouldn't mind. but he's having prostate cancer lah , along. i can't even touch his medicine. when abah was crying in pain, i nearly flooded my eyes because i was helpless, i didn't know what to do. the man who i've always looked up to, the strong wise man, was helpless & i couldn't do anything about it. the feeling was shit.

passion is what i'm missing

it's friday again. which made my heart skipped a beat. but i got to know a sad news from a friend. anne. today, as decided by the management, is anne's last day in the office. the respond she gets when she turned down their offer. cruel. and what more? to be accused of stealing the company's x-files. x-files lah sangat. eh. tak pernah dengar kisah mulut si pembinasa ke? mulut kami terror lah. dan kau pun perlu tahu. tukang-tukang kipas kau tu pun, mulut lagi hebat dari mulut neraka. you know, i hate politics. especially the ones in the office. kadang-kadang rasa macam nak carik-carik saja masing-masing yang tangannya bersalut lumpur keji tu. hmph. but, always in every aspect of life, there's the pros & cons. anne, who live to live her passion will get to where she wants to be by not being here in the same office as iam right now. she will achieve all those dreams she had in her slumber or in the daylight because she have that certain charisma that some of us doesn't have. ha ha. like me. miss playsafe duduk atas pagar. it's been two years and some months that i've been here, attending to unscheduled workloads. though at the meantime i was browsing for new job vacancies, for some deliciously new experience, i kept rethinking about my decision. kerja ni adalah kerja grafik paling relaks di dunia. kau tak perlu risau pasal overtime. kau boleh datang buat kerja bila kau nak, dan bila tak mahu, tak mahu lah. but of course, with limits. tapi dalam masa yang sama, aku impikan sesuatu yang luar biasa. i remember when i used to walk from sogo to my college, aku selalu perhatikan sungai gombak/klang yang penuh dengan bendasing terapung-apung dibawa arus. i thought, wouldn't it be great if one day, as i walk by, i discover a dead body floating on the river? then my face will be on papers as the one who discovered it. but the most interesting thing that had ever floated on the river hanyalah sebuah kerusi pejabat, exactly like the one that i'm sitting on right now. pathetic kan aku ni? terlalu banyak berangan, kadang-kadang aku sendiri sesat. confused which one was just a daydream and which one's the real thing. if i was a guy, mat jenin would've been a suitable name for me. but instead i'm this supersexy cool girl with the biggest breast ever (hmm...wonder if lelakiminimalist would be interested in me) plus the most alluring eyes for you to drool on. owh. aku berangan lagi. hmm..but, i haven't given up on my job hunting yet. as for you my dear dear anne, i wish you good luck and will always pray for your well beings. pastu jangan tak reti pulak nak pray for me, eh? i love you to the bones because that's all you have. okay. and that big ass of yours. uhuh. uhuh.

what good is everything

now tell me.

what good is a relationship if revenge is always there and competing with each other is what you do best? to be repeating this question to myself, aku berasa sayu. this is a reality that's happening to me, currently.

and what good is a relationship, what good is love when you don't even have the slightest trust for your partner?

a foreign email

"hi how i u i miss so and so much in kashmir i dont no happen is going with me when i saw to u evening time when u came to the boat house then i saw to u and i was going crazy then i take ity to u morning time shikara ride and i was so happy and when u gone to back to delhi i was lonely here say me what happen is going with me and i say to u send me u r pic which u having a lone pic i really miss to u like a desert miss the rain and i will send to u verty soon saries u r boatman."

gila. like the desert miss the rain. owh the things i got myself into.

don't be too happy or else

friday night. friday night. i think from this blog, it seems that, to all of you, all that matters in my life is my friday nights. apparently my joy division's only active on that particular night. well, currently. i was really hype about last friday night. it felt like it has been a while since i went out (when it was just a week). attentions were all over me like those young annoying drunkards around the club. i was enjoying myself plus the songs were all good and my favourite friends were there too except for anne who had to travel up north. but elle's face didn't show so much joy. i was sorry for her because she didn't get to really enjoy the night away. when we went for the after drink, i was amazed at myself on how i really enjoyed the night (notice the repetition of the word 'enjoy'?) that i reminded to stop myself from feeling happy. i'm that superstitious to believe that if you suddenly feel happy, there''ll be something bad waiting in line just to blow your bubbles.

10am saturday, along called. "abah is hospitalized in dungun."

terus rasa takut menyelubungi diri. the fear that i have always thought of came true. the first hint on losing a loved one. apparently, on the same morning, condolences goes to my cousin who lost his first newborn. i called abah.
"how are you?"
"i'm okay. why worry about me?"
and i had to cry.
of course i have to worry about you, abah. you're my abah. you used to worry about me because i'm your daughter & i know you are worried still. the disease that attacked him was something that i thought would never happen in my family due to our health history. cancer. a cancer that from studies, not very common among asian men. when we brought him back to the city, he refused any visits from friends. in the first place, he wouldn't even want to talk about it. something that's been running in me, keeping health problems just to myself. but mili is very good at handling things like these since she's closer to abah than me. i am most likely to cry over tiny things rather than her. if only mak & abah are still together, maybe it'll be easier for him to be taken care of. instead, mak is flying off to perth & will only be back on january 2nd. i wonder if there is still love between the two of them...

no problem india

as we safely landed yesterday in sweet home malaysia, i instantly text-ed the close people around me. along called and asked, "so, how was india?".

"a lot of delays, waiting & curries." he just had to laugh to it.

new delhi

as we stepped out from the indira gandhi international airport, the air that filled the atmosphere of new delhi was dusty. trees along the roads were all covered in sand, like as if they were snowed. men pissed by the roadside, ignoring the busy crowd with their own businesses. india, as we know it, is one of the country with the highest population: 321 883. there were families living in tents, cows hanging-out, cars as close as an inch to each other. we were supposed to fly out to kashmir on the 29th but the flight was delayed then canceled. from that incident, our itinerary was all mixed up. to get over our frustrations, we headed towards agra where the beautiful magnificent taj mahal, symbol of love stands, waiting for its worshippers.

the taj mahal

red fort
the balcony of the palace where shah jahan was prisoned by his son because he wanted to build another similar taj mahal with black marbles.

their love story caught my heart instantly when the guide told us about it. if only they'd make it into a movie. the next day we headed back to delhi for our second chance of kashmir since it was the main purpose we joined this trip. the flight was delayed, but we managed to land in sri nagar's airport. you can imagine the glee on each of our faces. bad too bad, some of the plans they planned for us in kashmir had to be canceled due to the limited time.

sri nagar, kashmir

we didn't get to shop that much because the guide kept driving us to the tourist centre: where everything's expensive. we didn't get to go to the local market because of the delays & such. and owh. some selfish makciks did go to some market but didn't inform the whole troop. i was really pissed. & we didn't get to go to koral bagh, the A-Z market in delhi. why do i have the feeling that somehow india wants us back again?

animals along the way
masyarakat majmuk di india

i have a date with the taj mahal

as i'm typing this entry, while on my left screen working on the frustrating heise ads, my heart is beating fast with butterflies in my tummy. at 11.35am (malaysian time) tomorrow, i'll be flying off to New Delhi for my eight-days India trip. though i only have a few rupees to spend, i'm really looking forward for snapping the sceneries. to my dear friends & whomever accidentally stumbled on to this post, please wish for my well-beings along the trip!

a month from today

update: akta angkasa will replace johnny shameless & the minion.

cynical sudah ditanam awal-awal lagi

aku seorang yang selfish (bukan penjual ikan. tapi self-ish). apa yang penting buat aku, adalah orang-orang yang banyak mempengaruhi kitaran hidup aku: teman, kekasih hati. teman tapi mesra tidak tergolong. orang-orang yang penting buat aku, kadang-kadang very unlucky. sebab mereka terpaksa berhadapan dengan bahagian aku yang lebih ketara dari friendly, iaitu cynical. bukannya aku tak cuba, tapi aku cuba menahan diri dari menjadi seorang yang cynical & cold-hearted terhdap orang-orang yang penting buat aku. jenis orang-orang yang kalau hilang, hilanglah arah tuju aku. gone-lah tempat mengadu aku. aku selalu menyanjungi mereka yang disayangi ini. aku tak mahu mereka terluka dek kata-kata harsh aku. sesungguhnya, aku tidak pandai untuk berbicara dengan lembut. aku tak tahu selok-belok menjadi shrink yang berjaya. betul. aku sayang orang-orang penting ini. dan kamu, wahai orang-orang penting, aku minta diberikan sedikit ruang untuk aku yang kadang-kadang cynical ini. aku masih berusaha. aku cuba memahami kamu, menerima. do the vice-versa for me please?

ya. aku akan berbahasa melayu dalam bersenandung konspirasi. bila aku marah, sedih atau dalam apa jua bentuk emotionally distractions.

technology for the minimalist

this is my current phone since around september. we were browsing around at the mines shopping mall when my eyes caught it's slim white body, too small for a mobile phone. as i came closer, i mistakenly thought it was an mp3 player. weird because people don't trade in their mp3 players for phones. not here, that is. & i asked that lengchai, "what's that?" the lengchai told us the specifation. hmm...not bad, i thought. it's a well-known thing among my friends that i seemed to be attracted to weird unacceptable things. for instance, the love for proton's milk-carton-like juara. & my love for stylish gay guys. so the next day, i came back & brought home my lighter-like phone. because of it's small size, instead of inserting memory card, they provided a built-in memory of 1G. which is more than enough for me. the camera (believe it or not) is 1.3megapixels. as u can see from the design, it does remind us of iPod shuffle, no? & i guess that's samsung's version of it's 'walkman' phone. the point of my entry again, is, i'd like to get a new phone. uh-oh. not that the X830 is useless or not up to my standard (which i'm not fussy about), it's just that i'd like to get a phone with a better camera. like the E590. heee...very minimal, mind you.


the camera is 3.2megapixel & the body designed by a product & furniture designer, jasper morrison. the one i saw last night was with a promotion: rm699 + 1Gmmc. should i trade in my supercute phone with another that fits a minimalist like me?

the apartment

ahaa....i've got so much free time that i can post as many entries per day as i want to. for this time around, i'd like to membebel about the current house i'm paying for. ok. just the room. & the bills.


this is just a diagram of the apartment where some friends & i are currently renting. it's in the south area of the city. there's me, elle & her beloved and danny. owh. & the notorious azuki. another owh. & danny's brother who like to lie down in the living hall once in a while. previously, before elle moved in, it was me & 'heart who stayed in their room. then some major relationship thing occurred & i decided we shouldn't live in the same house, let alone the same room anymore. but after a year, after the mega-drama, i moved back in the house only different room & just me. by this time around, 'heart finally understood why it's bad to be living together. lembab. i know. previously, danny had a roommate (who's now back in his exotic origin). they're both the perfect hip hop couple: skinny with the biggest shirt they could get their hands on. & apparently they're 'heart's friends. unfortunately, elle is not someone who can accept those baggy clothes. it kills her to see danny's roommate, nic walking around the house with his pants showing off the top of his butt cleavage. ahahahahha.... gila. but despite the different style/fashion beliefs, we somehow managed to connect with each other. but you know, living with very untidy boys can sometimes get to your nerves. nic often travels because he happens to be our national athlete for extreme games. everytime he comes back from wherever the competition was, he'd leave his enormous luggage in the living hall, until the next trip. how annoying is that? sometimes, danny's friends from Singapore would pay us a visit & apparently they like to come in packs. at that time, the house would be so crowded like some asrama pelarian. it annoys me too but since i'm that adjustable & i'm kind of friends with some of them, it wasn't a really big deal. but it was for elle & co. we've got so many visitors whom i guess were very generous because we let them stayed there for free, they'd leave some belongings when they went back home. e.g: t-shirts, pants, towels. we even still have a really big plastic bag of clothes which belongs to the previous tenant (danny's ex-girlfriend) that we're not sure of whether she stll wants it or not because sometimes after a few months, she'd come to take back what's hers, but not all of it. after a few months later she'll pop up suddenly asking for her fan lah, apa-apa lah. the house is a total mess that we don't even know where to start our cleaning session. in the end, semua malas & now we're moving out. senang kan?

down the window.

hamsters' cage & old family pictures.

banksy's think tank artwork for blur.

the head of my bed.

rain against my window.

up the window.

my laptop & my old fishbowl.

these are some pictures of my room before i re-vamped it. maybe i'll update soon.

nu shoes

tired of paintings on canvas shoes? i am. but not anymore! because NDEUR shoes are here to the rescue!! a colleague of mine gave me the link this morning & as i checked them out, my jaw dropped-it-like-it's-hot. ok. merepek. but you've got to love them ALL!!

i'm really excited about these nu' shoes!

george doodle harrison

when i was younger, i used to put on my dad's the beatles' record on the vinyl player. i remember the cover with a picture all four of them looking down from a balcony. the song that i kept repeating was 'she loves me' & 'and i love her'. colour your way here. (yes. i know i'm bad at colouring, but at least i tried. & you should too!)

all out weekend

last weekend was an all-out-nightlife, thursday & friday included. thursday night we were hanging around everyone's favourite laundrette. friday, despite the drizzle and fever, we managed to run & hide at the loft. saturday, had some lapsap fun at our hiding place again. & sunday, the grand finale, the white man-made cave in the city for music that are even louder than love. had to go all out this weekend so that i wouldn't have to show my face again for the next several weekends. i'm currently saving up for india & it's taj mahal. friday night wasn't really a ball because before & after, it was cold war between me & 'heart. & sneaking out from him the next night was alright for me. it's not like as if i was going out with an affair or anything like that. well, yeah, u can say 'an affair WITH the dancefloor'. it was anne, mr. 17 & i, with our eyes raging around the club for hotshots. & we love the hairstylist!! & elm, he was wearing a t-shirt that turned me on: led zeppelin. anne who was really excited about her pussy-nipple-like cherry, got gangster's tongue trying to stuck it in her throat. EUW!! ICK!! ahahaha.....

mistaken identity

last night, at the ever famous thurday night hangout place, a funny thing happened. as i was just heading my way to anne's table outside the bar, a cute & petite girl saw me & from her facial expression, she was VERY glad she did. i couldn't avoid her so i dove into her strange yet familiar warmth. if only there was a video-cam somewhere recording what was happening. i'm very sure she could see the fake expression that was hanging on my face. she was unfamiliar to me. & since that was the first time it happened to me, i didn't know how to react. the fact that i have this short term memory lost disease, didn't help much. & what more, she was hanging out with a couple of friends (make it 8-10) which made me refused to hang around more than a second. it was creepy. to have some unfamiliar faces smiling at you is something. but to hug you like as if you've known each other for years? that's another weird thing. i hate the feeling. & i'm still wondering who that girl was. what if it turned out that she got herself the wrong person too???

love fairytales

and so, feist sang..

one, two, three, four, five, six, nine & ten.
money can't buy you back the love you had then.

t-shirts to voice out your thoughts

here's a couple of t-shirt design that i've submitted at threadless which didn't get chosen. & owh! how forgetful of me, i kept forgetting to personally print 'em.

plastic mask

so you wanna know about what happened last friday night? do you? do you? it was a blast & i was crowned as the queen of the ball (because i got the answer for the scandinavian pop group who named themselves using the first letter in their names. guess who). i did wear the green sari but couldn't find a really glamorous peacock mask. the food was delicious; i was like the wolf ripping on the lambs. the prizes was nice, DVD players, MP3 players & a stereo set. my king was a darth vedder. haha. my colleagues came with all sorts of masks. anne had on a long white wig with a streak of black. i loved her mask. we had fun. too bad for those who thought it was troublesome to dress-up for only one night & missed it. 10:30pm, i rushed off to my last resort on a friday night, a 'trendy' club that sits smack in the middle of town. there have been rumors, about the club being over-rated & trendy & uncool anymore. but i'm still there because that's the only club with nice music, where you're allowed to wear just the wackiest thing ever & not be laughed at plus some familiar faces that i can smile to. so what if it's over-rated. aku tak peduli. kan? i don't really bother about what other unimportant people thinks. obviously they don't know me personally. i'm not really a party person, but that's the only club that can give me good vibes. & i saw elm. & again, he looked delicious. tee-hee.

2thousand8

my team managed to finish our 11,000 dumrath microsites project last wednesday, when the given deadline's tomorrow. fast huh? yes. we are the factory labour of tomorrow. that's how we feel right now. discrimination to the eyes. anyways, since we've finished, done with the ever so boring templates of microsites, i continued working on my personal 2008 calendar. i'm kind of excited about it. the plan is to give these calendars to my close, favourite people. since it's my first, i don't think i should be selling it because i don't think anyone's interested in buying it anyway. here's a sneak preview:


so all you favourite people out there, will be PUSHED to take this calendar with a smile & hang it on your walls!


update: i'm done with the calendar. i'll print it once i get back from the india trip. yeay!

still dreaming of that white wedding

"it'll be a white one. being a minimalist, i won't be wearing those draggy dresses. i'll have a minimal wedding by the beach. or in a garden. no songket-songket. just plain white kebaya with my favourite batik. & my groom will be wearing a white teluk belanga baju melayu. flowers for the occasion will be white orchids or lilies. & guess who'll be playing at my wedding? mocca!! all the way from bandung weih!! & if thay can't make it, white shoes & the couples' company will always be glad to fly over just to sing at my wedding. & then by night time we can joget lambak with force vomit!! yeay!!"

extracts from dreaming of a white wedding.

selingan lucu hari ini

later today at 6pm, anne & i are going to ikano so that i can get my dress with a matching mask.

(2:18 PM) nikolay tyutyunnik: eh anne
(2:18 PM) nikolay tyutyunnik: dah pukul 6 la
(2:18 PM) nikolay tyutyunnik: jom
(2:19 PM) anne: aku percaya ok
(2:19 PM) anne: aku terpikir
(2:19 PM) anne: eh..
(2:19 PM) anne: aku tadi tgh tunggu kopi
(2:19 PM) anne: mungkin aku dah minum aku lupe kot
(2:20 PM) nikolay tyutyunnik: aku dan kongkong sdg mentertawakan ko

-_- anne terlalu mudah percaya.

p/s: one morning i received a spam-mail about cheap viagras from a nikolay tyutyunnik. haha. what a funny name. i like.

reminiscence of despite

lewat malam tadi, aku bermimpi.

eight years ago, i had a close friend. that i fell in love with. despite what the friendship turned into, i kept all the sweetest memories of him close to my heart. at that time, the mirc chatting device was quite a hit. i couldn't recall how we first knew each other. i think through a friend of mine who had a huge crush on him. it was on their first blind date that i tagged along. ok. i was dragged along. done with chatting on mirc, we chatted on the phone instead. late night conversations. since my secondary school was situated right in the middle of the hip & happening part of Kuala Lumpur, it was easy for us to hang out for drinks at the forbidden mamak stalls. it was known to our circle of friends how close we were at that time. we had an on-off relationship where suddenly we would stop contacting each other & suddenly a call would appear out of the blue. i knew where i stood all the time. i remember fick was a sweet guy. & we all know how girls have a thing for sweet guys. apparently, everytime he went 'missing', i knew he was dating someone. i decided that i should just stop have feelings for him & stick to just friends. once, when he didn't cal me in a while, i found out that he got back together with his ex-girlfriend. i was kind of relieved because i thought this is it. this will stop me from having feelings towards him. right. i respected his relationship. i knew his girlfriend was curious about me. but fick, he wouldn't stop calling me. until one day, i think, they broke off because of...me. honestly, i didn't intend to interfere. when fick said his girlfriend was jealous of me, i was clueless. jealous of what? i totally raked my head for answers. though i was having a crush on him, i was the only one with the secret. nobody else. but it was back then, when i was naive about most of the important things in life. so, we got close again. parted and got close. it was after a year of befriending fick, that this one night, on the phone, he blurted out, "i love you". which of course left me speechless. what i felt that night tasted like a fruit punch, with everything mixed all together. it was awkward in the first place, but we managed to act all normal about it. & he continued blurting it out everytime we ended our phone conversation. i was skeptical. i didn't really reply it. "ok" was enough. haha. until one night when i think it was my turn to make a confession. "i love you & i don't want to lose you" was said in one breath and a peck on his cheek. "ha? apa awak cakap tadi? saya tak dengar la". laaa..tak dengar ke? but i ignored him. on second thought, maybe it was a mistake so i was glad that he didn't get it. the next night we had supper with a couple of friends in Bangsar. there was a couple of menus on our table & i remember there was this one steak with a funny name so i read it out loud. at the same time fick, who was sitting across the table, held a same copy of the menu. he too, as i saw it, was studying the menu. "ha? ape? steak i love you but i don't want to lose you?". -____- at that time, i felt like running right into the middle of the street, biar kena langgar kereta. fick have this typical sweetness a girl would expect from a guy. when i got mad at him, he'd say "eh. betul la orang cakap, perempuan nampak lebih manis bila dia marah". now tell me how am i supposed to not fall for that? there was this one night when we were driving around town, i was sitting next to him, another two of our friends at the back. the traffic light was red, & i was looking outside my window. it turned out we missed a green light. because the other two at the back was looking out from each other's side window too & fick? he was looking at me. cheesy, i know. sigh. i loved all the good moments we had together. once, on a phone conversation, the line got distracted & i joked "i'm losing you! i'm losing you". instead, he said "no. you'll never lose me" in a very calm manner. but it was in those days. somehow, after a long time i got tired of him always coming back to me when he's not dating anyone else. i got tired because while he's dating that someone, he didn't even give me call to say "hi". yes. i just wanted a "hi", nothing more. because i know, even if we get together, someday we'll broke off & lose each other. & if we stay friends, he'll get married one day, & it's just the same. i'll lose him.

fick, i got up this morning & i miss you.

you! get on my cloud. now.

i'm watching the rolling stones video. 'get off of my cloud', way back in the 60's.


gila. mick jagger buat hati aku geli-geli-berdebar-rakus.

up for a masquarade

halloween's next week. yeay! not that i'm celebrating or anything, but our company is having a masque dinner next week. every three month a team is given the task to organize an event for the company. it's a way for the company to say sorry for all the pressure & pushing with the workloads. for this coming masque dinner, i still haven't decide what kind of a mask i should wear. i have thought about just wearing a black net like marie antoinette:

but it'll only look good if i have a really nice eye-catching gown to go with it. then i decided on a green saree that maybe can go with this mask:
anyway, later i suddenly remember of bjork once did this videoclip where she had a bling bling mask. i think it was glued to her face 1 by 1 which i guess was normal for someone like bjork. & i'm eye-ing that leopard-printed halter gown at P&Co. hmmmm.... when i've decided what to wear, i'll decide on the mask. & the dinner's just next week!

against the red traffic light

Kenapa, manusia
walaupun kamu tahu dari zahirnya ia adalah suatu kesalahan, kamu masih melakukannya?
dan kemudian dengan senang-lenang kamu menyesalinya?

kalau kesal itu tidak pernah wujud, mungkin dari awal lagi kamu akan menghindarinya.

jujur my ass

Kau datang dalam hatiku,
bukan kali pertama,
tapi kali kedua.
Aku cuba jadi terbaik untukmu,
akan ku capai bintang jika kau mahu
biar ia menjadi tanda cinta ini.
Berikan aku ruang untukmu,
akan ku jadikan selimut jika kau sejuk
terimalah cinta ikhlas dariku
maafkan aku

('heart 27Feb07-23:41)

*i was rummaging through my work-machine because it's really slow with so little free space. lastnight we had a stabbing-conversation. yes. i've been really sneaky since i knew his myspace password (uh-oh!). just 2 days ago he said he's currently focusing on me. nobody else but me. but he was in a message-conversation with a girl whose fiance decided it's not the time yet. 1 minute she was supportive on our relationship, & the next she was trying to play hanky-panky with 'heart? ei, what's up?? & 'heart! he wasn't helping. i always reminded 'heart to share his friends (especially girls) with me, like how i always did. so whatever happens, he'll know that we're just friends. i waited for him to brought up his new-found-friend. waited and waited. but he's sneaky in his own way. he wouldn't say it until i pointed it out myself. i'm stupid, no doubt. of thinking that he's changed or he will change. but it's all the same. & even have the nerve of accusing me of getting back together with him just so i can do the exact same thing to him & later dump him. WTF la wei.

apparently he got the idea & changed his password late lastnight i guess. everytime i get sneaky, always, i found something wrong. his phone, his inbox. call me a psycho girlfriend, because i am. & i have my own reason. jujur kau kata? JUJUR my ass.

azuki frapp: update

azuki frapp

who sometime thinks he's a human being.

Aren't we supposed to get-together on Eid?

Eid this year, was very enjoyable for me. as stated on my previous post, i went all the way to the south to seek the feel of javanese raya, the other side of me. i have to say, i'm very proud of this heritage that was passed down to me by abah though the only java word that i know is wes mangan (have you eaten?) & saadly i don't know how to answer to that question. (waras, maybe?). on the 1st day, mili & i got some duit raya (eh eh. kalau orang memberi, kita? menerimanya dengan tangan terbuka lah. ngeh). with the money, i decided that we should get ourselves a disposable camera (lost our digital 1 earlier this year) to record some javanese raya scene. so-so. instead we got ourselves a film camera for RM39.90. not disposable but i'm not betting it will still work by the end of this year. haha. afternoon, we met anne & headed to the city's mall. so much for the spirit of Eid. the next day we went to abah's hometown where people still converse daily in javanese. & later that night, met some club friends (surprise! surprise!) which later we found out that we're related. & they got themselves a hip & cool aunt. NGEH! come 4th raya day, 'heart who came the day before, joined me in the quest of job hunting in Singapore. well, my interview was at 2pm & his at 6pm. my interview went quite well, though i forgot all about my education certificates. tsk..tsk..tsk... & 'heart, having some complications in speaking english, was disappointed with his interview. cheer up! you're working with me next month remember? i was happy this raya. i enjoyed it very very much that i forgot about mak's well-being. a cousin on mak's side called yesterday to tell me about how on the 2nd day of raya, mak was already home because her sister left her all alone & went raya somewhere without telling. hearing this, as a daughter, i was blaming myself for going down south. but then, i thought about along who was only 75minutes away from mak but couldn't find just a little free time to spend with her. along is the best brother anyone could ever have, no doubt. but he could've at least give mak a chance.

if only i have the power to mend things right.

fish killer must DIE

sms

014******1: GUESS WHAT?! last 2 weeks ade orang sabotaj poison underwaterworld kat langkawi n arnd 600 species mati!

012******0: yes. i heard..2 weeks ago.

ok. so i just got to know about it only yesterday (which proves that i don't watch the news). how could they?! all those innocent fishes. if you're that mad at the management or someone, hurt that person itself. don't go poisoning some exotic, cute swimming fishes!! you've got to be out of your mind to be doing that!! i was so sad when abah brought up the topic. i wanted to cry. i want to find whomever did that awful stuff and kick him in the head and later put him in a tank of water and pour poison. so we talked about the incident that maybe that particular person was an insider since he knew which tank to poison. or since along said that the business was going slow so maybe that heartless psycho wanted to put an end to the business. or maybe he/she/they wanted publicity. but it's wrong. WRONG!!! i hate whoever that person is.

where's my aidilfitri spirit?

eh. raya minggu depan lah. & i'll be 24 by end of this year. benci dengan perasaan yang ada dalam diri sekarang. perasaan yang tak teruja dengan raya yang akan datang. honestly. i hate growing up because then i'll forget fun & won't believe in fairytales anymore. typical, raya songs are being played everywhere: here in the office, on the radio, kamdar, also as ringtones. i think it's a sin for me to say this:i dislike lagu-lagu raya yang berkumandang. no, it doesn't make me feel sad. just plain...hate. well, i do have a favourite, the one sung by ahmad jais 'selamat hari raya' because i like the bass line. it'll be better if it's not a raya song.
& after how many years, i can't remember, i'm going back to abah's hometown: batu pahat. sedih. fikirkan mak yang beraya tanpa anak-anak di sisi. nak buat macam mana, mak. all you have to do is just come and have a chat with abah. abah pun sama. stop with the cold war. enough with the silent treatment. we, your children, would hate it if both of you have to grow old alone. because i know, i wouldn't want to grow old & alone myself.

rabun dan pekak

i feel better today because lastnight, mili's friend was sooooooo kind that she gave me 2 bikinis, 3 tops & 1 boardshorts, f.o.c. despite of me not smiling at her on a previous occasion because i was rabun & i have this short term memory lost. well, lately, that's been happening to me: unknown girls smiling at me. and, and, and...i didn't act friendly at all. "owh. you're so kedekut senyum" said mili. eh, bukanlah. i'm not a snob. maybe that recent attitude have got something to do with self-confidence. i just shut people off by not making any type of contact: eye, smile, body language. even lastnight at the bank, there were a couple of drag-queens hanging around & i guess they kinda like my hairdo, saying out loud "cantik la dia. cantik la dia." i should've at least smile at them, right? tapi aku buat pekak. like nobody was there, saying nothing. oh well. i'll try to remind myself next time to smile.
i can't wait for the day to end so i can straight go to the aquarium shop and get me a new REAL aquarium (because all these while i've been keeping my fishes in cookie jars).

hmmm...i'm on YM with 'hearts & he's not saying anything about his friends gathering this saturday.

berlari ke sudut

dan aku mula melangkah satu demi satu
mencari sudut yang tidak akan memuntahkan aku
suatu sudut yang akan memberi aku perlindungan
dari cahaya yang datang tercari-cari
terasa diri ku kecil, rendah dan kerdil
aku faham akan manusia sekeliling
yang sudah letih dengan bebel ku
yang tidak langsung memberi apa-apa keuntungan untuk mereka
mereka sudah sengaja memekakkan telinga
aku tidak mempersalahkan mereka
kerana hanya pada aku seorang
jari itu harus di tuding
adakah ketagihan yang melanda diri ku yang sesat ini?
mengapa aku masih mencari manusia
menuding jari kepada mereka
memburukkan mereka tanpa menghiraukan kebaikannya?

dan langkah ku mulai melaju
mula berlari-lari anak
mula berlari dangan pantas sampai sekitar menjadi kabur
kepada sudut yang sedang mendepa-kan tangannya
sudi menerima aku yang teresak-esak ini

-f.z.k.-

conservative in the kitchen

"u'r good enough to make people around u feel welcome & i bet u most of them would like to be ur friend. stop being paranoid. instead of telling anne that, now am telling u the same thing."

yang ini my other close girlfriend. yes. apparently i have only two very close girlfriends with the most different persona/attitude ever. it has always been like that. when i was in primary, in high school; i'm forever be the one stuck in the middle. but i'm honest in saying that you can see the both of them in me. no doubt. elle, is a very conservative being. she would like to study until she get whatever menara gading just to satisfy her own needs (she's a 4-flat student, mind you). she owns a good boyfriend & not planning on flirting with anyone else in the meantime just to checkout some other options. i guess you can say her life is somewhat like those wives we see on t.v. to picture the perfect american family. she cooks, bake nice cakes & muffins, wears apron in the kitchen, goes EVERYWHERE with her boyfriend, she bebels & suka tumpah-tumpahkan air. i totally love to tease her. she would scoff at certain wild stuff anne & i do sometimes. elle is the person i need to make me sane again, to scoff at myself when i'm being a klutz. but she's afraid of cats. instead, she'd rather sleep with an iguana. loco! auwwrr...but she just bought an angora mixed rabbit which is the cutest thing ever. but that's another story. always, i whine at her, saying that i'm no good at socializing (refer to the dialog above). it's true. most of my friends are my friends' friend. afraid of what the other party would think of me, i shut myself up. owh yes. i think too much of the consequences in every aspect. but anyway elle, i feel at ease when i read your comment. only the first 2 minutes. ngah!

it's hard to explain

i, myself is refusing to believe in it. tapi mungkin aku sudah tawar hati.

or maybe it's just PMS.

she's a remote control

& that's what keeping her sane. i'm not saying she's a control freak, but she likes to feel that way. we've been friends for about ten years now. had some ups & downs, joy & sorrow. the most important thing about anne, she knows what she wants & she's gonna work hard for it no matter what. i'm already proud of where she got herself now. she is that free-spirited person people wouldn't mind being around with. guys, wants her. girls, wants to practically be her. though she was in some bad relationships, i'm glad that in the end, she'll decide that life have to go on & there's not a single minute to waste. she's that hippie dreamer with passion to fulfill. by saying her icon is kerry bradshaw (yes. of that sex & the city series), u know what kind of a person i'm talking about. she is my shoulder to cry on, the lap that i turn to whenever i feel there's no one else to comfort me. plus, she's good with words like that of peppermint tea, cooling me down. whenever we get together, bizarre things will definitely happen, somehow. i accuse her of being the magnet. or maybe we just make a good 'bizarre-team'. despite her free-spirited persona, there are times when she's too paranoid of her surroundings. of what they might say. & always i ponder, why would she wanna feel that way? there's no need of that, anne. u are good the way u are. & nobody's perfect, remember? so stop trying to satisfy everyone & leave a little space for yourself.

is that a pyramid on your head, miss?

this is, apparently, my current hair. eh. i look like one of dilbert's comic character lah.

love hurts a little when you do it right?

lastnight, elle, dilly, RZ & i ate at precinct 8 for our break-fast. had maghrib at a garden-themed surau & later tarawih at the central mosque. confession: i've never been to solat raya nor tarawih before. so last night was a first for me.
but after that, we headed to laundry bar. i was hesitant but since i was not in a good state of mind, i needed to be around people. 'heart called yesterday evening & i blurted out what i read in his sent box. true, it wasn't his fault that aerial text-ed him. but the messages he replied to her was not convincing. he said: "u yg cakap i can do whatever i want." yes i did. i was emotionally distracted that i wasn't thinking logically straight. so, everything came spanking back to my face. when i off my phone just to avoid talking about it, he sms: "kenape off phone? pengecut je buat mcm tu." true, when he said i have always been searching for his fault. but why did i do that? i feel this love for him but i can't understand myself like this. i kept searching for his faults & there's just no way i can trust him. bukankah kalau kita mencintai seseorang itu, bermaksud kita memberi sepenuh kepercayaan kepada dia? but i couldn't. i kept menuding jari. i can't accept his periuk nasi (which also means mingle around local celebrities). so i said to him lastnight: "i can't take this anymore. let's just stop here." my mouth was trembling, somewhat refused to say it out loud because deep inside, there is still love. for him. for this relationship. for all those memories we have together.
as he sent me off to my friends, he said: "i'll be waiting for your call."

i came home, slept, woke up, drove to the office, now sitting in front of two LCDs & i don't have any intentions of calling him.

not again. not now

last night, while 'heart was sleeping on my bed, i had the urge to check on his phone in box. nothing suspicious. but not his sent box. there were a couple of sms addressed to aerial. the day he said he was out of credit. & i'm mad again. at no matter how many times i told him not to do it, he still does. after what happened, he should know how much i hated her. i told him of how i despise him befriending her. & that girl. the nerve! she's already engaged to 'heart's friend. & once again i'm in sorrow. i don't need these shits to ruin this year's aidilfitri like how it did last year. for the whole ramadhan, i didn't eat. my friends even accused me of being a bulimic. but not this year. please have mercy on me, 'heart.

what's the point of you came running back to me when u can't even keep your promises? 'heart, i'm tired of confronting u. just make up your mind so i can at least be in peace.

scary gum infection

yesterday, i skipped work. drove ridiculously to abah's clinic, somewhat 40mins from my place. had toothache for the past few days. when i arrived, nobody else was there except for abah & his nurse. i guess the business's quite slow in this fasting month. i indicated the toothache to him: atas bawah, belah kiri. he said i got cracked tooth. that's scary. macam reput ke? but he couldn't find anything on belah atas. then he said: "u need scaling." uh-oh. i hate that. because he'd then found out that i've been smoking histerically all these while. but somehow i've got a feeling that he knew; all 3 of us smokes. scaling was bad-ass sakit. hmmph. apparently, i have some gum infection: which is why my gums easily bleeds. infection. to me depicts: zombies, ulat sampah. self-note: do not miss the next dental check-up. anak dentist kena gigi lawa. so after scaling, he asked whether i needed an MC. acting like a very rajin daughter, i said: "tak tau la. kalau sempat ni, masuk ofis balik". haha. i didn't know they can just give u like a little letter on time off for the dentist. yeaaahhh. i wanted to ponteng the whole day. so, dengan malunya, i said: "i think i'll just take the day off". & i got the MC.

today, i'm in a 2-days QuarkExpress course. just out of boredom. & the version that we're currently using is from 1997/98. haha. undo boleh sekali je. ok. i'm off to class now!

a series of happenings

i was too lazy to type.

that awaited friday night, i still try to say hi to elm, but to no avail. but we had that weird connection again on the dance floor. is he mysteriously my dance-partner now? hmm..i had so much fun that night, since it was the last friday before the ramadhan. no. i strictly banned myself from going to clubs in this blissful month. for the dj competition, cart lost to the only rose among the thorns that night. well, she did good on her set anyway.
saturday, i was at home, waiting for heart's sms. i did my laundry, cleaned up a quarter mess of my room & just lay around, daydreaming while azuki was jumping to whatever occasion he was celebrating. it was only late in the afternoon did i get an sms from heart saying he was to pick me up another 30mins for a friend's engagement, downtown. on the way to her place, i was emotionally distracted of a reason that i, myself couldn't recognize. aah.. i guess it was one of those days... heart kept asking what was wrong, but i just dunno how to answer him. but my friends engagement party was beautiful. strangers would've mistaken it as a wedding reception!
we went home early because the next day, i was involved in a treasure hunt organized by some community centre. the questions was extremely fucking hard when we thought the treasure hunt was supposed for rookies. honestly, i wanted to throw a chair at the organizer when he told us about how to find the answers. but overall, it was fun & we might wanna join the next teasure hunt. later, anne came with her current singing-group-of-boys for the event.
that same sunday afternoon, i asked around for elm's contact number.

lunch monday, he called. *big grin across face
& i acted foolish. like a total KAYGEEEE!!
but yesterday evening, he called again. *bigger grin across face

lapsap the forth coming

it was great because at last, elle joined in the fun.i brought mili along & found out she's been taking alcohol all these while. i said no, not when she's partying with me. kas-kas was stunningly beautiful. & there was elm. after saying out loud my thoughts to him, i decided to say hi the next time i see him. but my mouth was zipped up. weirdly, we danced the night away, next to each other. it was when mr. puah & 5ft played some old cantonese song that we laughed, looking at each other thinking of how silly the song goes.

elm, thanks for the mute-dance-floor-conversation. overall, i had fun & couldn't wait for friday to come. anne, u have to come to the next lapsap session.

elm, please kiss me instead

"do u know that u're hot?" and after i heard about what happened to him, i was glad he smiled.

& now his skinny pale body is lying across my bed. his hair covering part of his peaceful face. the LED clock beaming 6.00am. i guess he was exhausted from the party & the movie i asked him to watch with me. it's creepy how 'heart is only 10mins drive from my place plus two of his good friends live in the same house as i do. elle, she shook her head to the idea. which obviously meant, i'm on my own. slowly, i took charge of elm's camera. i clicked his white foot, his toes, his hair, eyelashes, ears, long fingers with yellow nails from the cigarettes we smoked. amazingly, his lips was pink. from a glimpse, u'd mistaken him as a girl. that's what made me drool over him: the fact that he does somewhat look like a girl. though i don't know him personally, i've got a feeling he really is a sweet thing deep inside. he mumbled, & i froze. but he dozed off to sleep again. i come nearer to his face. click. click. he slowly opened his eyes. realizing i was taking his pictures, he hide his face under the pillow. i took a sip of my sampoerna. wait for him to show his attractive face.

"pandai ke amik gambar?"
"u can just delete it if it's not good." i shrugged & exhale sinful smoke.

elm, who kissed coke. & now he's an addict.
i wonder how he would react to this fantasy of mine...

my european and japanese

if only i was given the chance of choosing a girlfriend to hold my hand when crossing the road. to sit, lip-locked by the wishing fountain of Paris. or just to snuggle in her hair that smells like my own childhood memories. i'd kiss her every night & blow sweet dreams towards her. i'd tell irina how i miss her when she's doing her runway. how i miss having tea with scones with a red rose sticking in her hair on her left ear. she knows how i envy her model friends so much that she'd call me & tell me how she misses me like the moon in the night sky. inhaling smokes with her makes me fantasize of things reality can't get hold of. i'd then tell kazu that she sounded like the sweetest thing whenever she sings her heart out. we'd lie around lazily in her orange lit room that smells like rain. i'd make fun of her italian duo & she'd laugh, making her eyes into just lines. whenever she's on tour, i'd listen to her guitar strums that she left for me. i love how she adores my curls & how she likes to twist it around her index finger. we'd sketch each other nude & hang it on our wall of hearts. & she'd sing me her elephant woman to send me to my slumber.

i'd like to have both of them. irina lazareanu. kazu makino. all to myself.

striking two events in a night

today, turned out to be a quiet Friday after the two events that happened last night.

this year, my company organized another social event for us: a bowling tournament. it was fun because 2/3 of the mother & sub company joined in which made the bowling place crowded with laughters & groans of not striking the pins. the registration table opened at 7pm & games started the next 30 minutes. i'm not good in bowling but just throwing the ball gives me a good feeling. if i'm involved in any sports, i'll just play for the fun of it. the first 2 throw, my ball went into the drain. hehe. but afterwards i got better & once managed to get all down but not a strike. only after the 2nd throw for the 2nd game, i had to rush off (& missed the delicious buffet dinner) to The Curve because i had to sing backup vocals for anne's band.

when i arrived at Laundry, i thought i was already late. but it turned out that the first band had only begun. i didn't pay much attention to them because i was quite nervous. i felt like there was something stuck down my throat. to my surprise, all of those people i invited came to give their support. it's been a long time since i've sang. & we only jammed once for last night's indie-pendent women gig. though i sang only 2 songs, but i'm always worried of not giving my best to the band. anne said they were supposed to provide the lyric stands (since both of us haven't memorized them yet until last night) but to no avail. it was fun being on stage & seeing familiar faces that came to support. despite some mismatched lyrics (haha) but it didn't matter that much because everyone was enjoying the show. i was very, very glad.

thank you for those of u who came to support our local indie-pendent women music scene. kudos!

fashion with attitude

dulu, when i was in a band, i made that a reason to wear whatever other people's not wearing. at that time, the japanese street fashion was walking through the streets of KL. i remember of a chinese/japanese guy walking towards Starhill wearing a pair of fluffy bunny slippers (the ones where u're supposed to wear at home). tapi sekarang, i'm not involved in any band anymore & i'm out of reasons to be wearing outrageous stuff. but then, a friend of mine introduced me to Karen O. well, not personally, but she showed me Yeah Yeah Yeahs' videoclip, 'maps'. & i thought Karen O is the current gile-rabak goddess. u just have to love her attitude on stage.


for Karen O's looks, u can check out Christian Joy.

some golden teen stuff

it's monday & i'm all alone..

1 - balik kampung (Denmark)
2 - Dresden, Germany
1 - off (convocation)
1 - MIA

& again, i can't wait to go home. huh.
nothing much happened on the weekend. on saturday i accompanied my mom to visit a relative who just got operated in the head (of some tumor) at the KL General Hospital. (i dislike hospital. it's such a very sad place for me.) 'heart & his Singaporean friends went for street skating later in the night time so Mia & i went to Saturday night's last resort, Maison. thought of checking out the warm-up DJ but it turned out that he was in Malacca for the weekend. it's ok since there's no cover charge for ladies at Maison on Saturday nights. the next day, we woke up quite late (3pm) & rushed ourselves to Damansara for Mia's casting session. it was held at a bungalow & i think we were the last to come. the ad that she was supposed to cast for is a perfume ad for men & they need girls to run after the guy. ok. enough about the ad. let's talk about the guy who casted Mia. hehe. he's a familiar face on our local TV commercials. i think he started his career as 1 of the host for RTM 2 Golden Teen Stuff, like, waaaayyyy back. sekarang dah berjambang dah. he wore a T-shirt with baggy shorts with his left ear pierced. he's hot & got this cool air about him. when he was explaining about the storyboard, he kept looking at me (takpe. sekali-sekala perasan) when Mia was the 1 who's casting. this is where everything went wrong. well, on my side. he asked us if we're studying & i said i'm graphic designer in cyberjaya & then i started to explain craps. babble. babble. the old me would've just say "i'm working." & shut myself up. but nooo. i just had to babble to him. after they were done with Mia, he insisted on casting me. i just told him that was not my thing (actually i just can't wait to get my ass off of the bungalow). haha! merepek. by the way, i was wearing my green leopard print top so there's no way anyone can get that recorded. haihh..

fly high

guten Morgen. it has only been 15 minutes in the office, & i can't wait to go home. we're currently out of jobs to do, & i'm too lazy to be doing online tutorials. another boring working day. not really a working day since there aren't anything to do anyway. tomorrow, 2 of my team mates are going to Dresden, Germany for some multimedia presentation job. which is weird because we, i, always thought the Europeans know a tit bit more about all this new media stuff. it's obvious that i'm jealous for the both of them. haha. huh. though i try again & again, i just can never like doing Flash animation. i'm a very impatient person & to be doing animation, u have to replay the job u've been doing & by the 10th time, i got bored. so right now, i'm focusing on being organized for the team (since i'm the assistant team leader). but then again, i'm proud of my friends since this the first ever oversea trip for our company's employees & i'm gonna miss them loads. they'll be staying there for a month. ben is borrowing my sister's luggage for the trip & i haven't told him it's cotton pink. hehe.

wish them all the best!

who i am, maybe

Your Birthdate: December 31

You're a pretty traditional person. If it's lasted, it's probably good. You seek stability - both in your career and your romantic relationship. In return, you're very loyal and predictable. Which is usually a good thing. Without a partner, you feel lost. Being with someone is very important to you. Your strength: Your dependability Your weakness: You hate being alone Your power color: Midnight blue Your power symbol: Shell Your power month: April

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

and i find it freakishly true...

eat me up for breakfast

among all the quizzes on blogthings.com, i found this interestingly cute:

You Are Cereal

Playful and lighthearted, breakfast is likely your favorite meal of the day. (In fact, you're probably the type who sneaks cereal as a midnight snack.) Your culinary skills are probably a bit lacking... and you are a sucker for junk food. Some people accuse you of eating like a kid, but you prefer to think of yourself as low maintenance.

What Kind of Breakfast Are You?

in my pants

i got out of car and started to skip. i was lost. turned right. turned left. but there was no sign. i headed for the entrance door and felt a breeze of wind against my tanned face. panting, i searched for the signs again. i ran through a crowd of strangers, looking at me as passed them swiftly. time was running out. i thought of the aftermath. busy murmurs was in the air that wrapped me from running faster. heard a child's cry. and there it was: the sign. i raced through more still strangers. but in the end....


i think i pee-d in my pants. ooops.
heee...

between love and envy

there's nothing much to do in the office apart from waiting for the tournament to start. so i'm gonna list down women that i love and envy, all at the same time.

Jade Jagger.

Because she's the daughter of an activist (women's right) & Mick Jagger Of the Rolling Stones. Plus she designed the interiors of Jade luxurious apartment in NY. owh. & once dated Pharrell Williams.Kirsten Dunst.

Because she got fangs. & her bad girl attitude drive most of the male population go crazy!

Eva Green.
I love her in The Dreamers. Enough said.

Irina Lazareanu.
Because she's skinny, a runway model, she is even a songwriter herself! (co produced by Sean Lennon & Pete Doherty)

Kate Hudson.
I love hippie chicks!

I think that's it for now. but i'll add on some more later in the future.