this is how you treat your killer-monday

owh mr. spaceman

mr. spaceman lost in bukit bintang

last weekend mili, john.j & i were crossing the busy road and spotted mr. spaceman walking around bukit bintang. mungkin dia silap tafsir 'bintang'...and that sunday was damn hot, okay?! i wonder how he survived walking around in that space suit.

just one word

zatix tagged me to just type the first thing that comes up when i read these:

1. Yourself: dreamer
2. Your partner: sweetness
3. Your hair: curly
4. Your mother: stern
5. Your father: dentist
6. Your favorite item: bag
7. Your dream last night: money
8. Your favorite drink: plain
9. Your dream car: vintage
10. The room you are in: cold
11. Your ex: past
12. Your fear: unloved
13. What you want to be in 10 years: successful
14. Who you hung out with last night: cat
15. What you're not: backstabber
16. Muffins: cute
17: One of your wish list items: oxford heels
18: Time: precious
19. The last thing you did: stalking
20. What you are wearing: yellow
21. Your favorite weather: windy
22. Your favorite book: mysteries
23. The last thing you ate: bread
24. Your life: unsatisfied
25. Your mood: swing
26. Your best friend: priceless
27. What you're thinking about right now: john.j
28. Your car: dusty
29. What you are doing at the moment: this
30. Your summer: sandy
31. Your relationship status: swinger
32. What is on your TV: aerial
33. What is the weather like: hot
34. When was the last time you laughed: weekend

so i'm going to add another question.

35. Cats: lovable

now, these people should do this and at the end of the survey, you have to add a new question of yours.

xumb
fa alif ya zai
robot asmara

jangan kau bimbang sayang, di mana ku berada, dengan siapa ku bersama, jangan bimbang ku tetap kau yang punya

ku juga bimbang sayang, di mana kau berada, dengan siapa kau bersama.

jangan lupa kau tetap ku yang punya.

what may come in may

layang-layang itu kita yang punya

the fun we had while flying the kite was priceless. the weather was extra nice, letting us ran across the field, bathing our face with the sunshine. remember that time when we tripped on each other because we were too focused on the flying kite? and how our necks ached of staring too much at the sky? i'm going to stick that sweet memory in mind. but life is somewhat fair. we had things to attend to and the weather weren't always in a good mood. and i'm sorry i didn't hold on to the string tightly. and as the light rain came with hard-blown wind, we watched our kite, the one that we struggled making it ourselves, flew away into the grey sky.

cuaca yang tenang di bulan april tak mungkin akan tenang lagi di bulan mei. where anything 'may' happens. maybe. mungkin. dan tidak semua prediction akan betul-betul terjadi. unless you strongly believe in it.

the prettiest people do the ugliest things

there's something about kanye west. i like his songs, what it's all about.

All Falls Down- KANYE WEST (feat. Syleena Johnson)

[Chorus - 4x]
Oh when it all, it all falls down
I'm telling you ohh, it all falls down

[Verse - Kanye West]
Man I promise, she's so self conscious
She has no idea what she's doing in college
That major that she majored in don't make no money
But she won't drop out, her parents will look at her funny
Now, tell me that ain't insecurrre
The concept of school seems so securrre
Sophmore three yearrrs aint picked a careerrr
She like fuck it, I'll just stay down herre and do hair
Cause that's enough money to buy her a few pairs of new Airs
Cause her baby daddy don't really care
She's so precious with the peer pressure
Couldn't afford a car so she named her daughter Alexus (a Lexus)
She had hair so long that it looked like weave
Then she cut it all off now she look like Eve
And she be dealing with some issues that you can't believe
Single black female addicted to retail and well

[Chorus - repeat 2x (w/ Kanye ad-libs)]

[Verse - Kanye West]
Man I promise, I'm so self conscious
That's why you always see me with at least one of my watches
Rollies and Pasha's done drove me crazy
I can't even pronounce nothing, pass that versace!
Then I spent 400 bucks on this
Just to be like nigga you ain't up on this!
And I can't even go to the grocery store
Without some ones thats clean and a shirt with a team
It seems we living the american dream
But the people highest up got the lowest self esteem
The prettiest people do the ugliest things
For the road to riches and diamond rings
We shine because they hate us, floss cause they degrade us
We trying to buy back our 40 acres
And for that paper, look how low we a'stoop
Even if you in a Benz, you still a nigga in a coop/coupe

[Chorus - repeat 2x (w/ Kanye ad-libs)]

[Verse - Kanye West]
I say fuck the police, thats how I treat em
We buy our way out of jail, but we can't buy freedom
We'll buy a lot of clothes when we don't really need em
Things we buy to cover up what's inside
Cause they make us hate ourself and love they wealth
That's why shortys hollering "where the ballas' at?"
Drug dealer buy Jordans, crackhead buy crack
And a white man get paid off of all of that
But I ain't even gon act holier than thou
Cause fuck it, I went to Jacob with 25 thou
Before I had a house and I'd do it again
Cause I wanna be on 106 and Park pushing a Benz
I wanna act ballerific like it's all terrific
I got a couple past due bills, I won't get specific
I got a problem with spending before I get it
We all self conscious I'm just the first to admit it

owh. and also his taste in fashion plus he's a friend of pharrell.

save the ocean

Click here to get more mini-SharkBreak widgets - www.SharkBreak.com

lesson learnt

i've just learned that i'm bad at designing anything to do with hip hop culture. i was so stressed out yesterday thinking about the right layout for the scam pervert design asked from me. "please produce a scam of the current flier that suits the club's atmosphere. imagine zouk's velvet underground only a wee bit smaller." and the hip hop theme night was ol' skool vs nu' skool. pening kepala aku.
i've learned that producing 5 different flier design in 5 hours time boleh buat kau monyok, bermuka masam, stressed dan hampir mati akal. sampai aku macam hampir hilang selera untuk design anything in the future.

i've also learned that this durjana city is not getting smaller but ALREADY making us crammed up and harder to breathe. because yesterday, i've just learned that the girl whom i knew was bad news in the first place, now currently dating ex-'heart, is also currently working at that design firm. yeah. she called me up yesterday.

bestnya hidup aku. i bet you want to trade places with me, right?

vulgar dia yang seni

as i was stepping down from palate palette's spiral stairs last wednesday night, raymond who called up that afternoon was standing exactly in front of me, chatting with another dj friend. since i was to come to his place the next day, i forced myself to say hi. when i told him my name he said: "owh yeah. i'm supposed to meet a girl named senandung k tomorrow night." dalam hati aku dah menyumpah, gila lagging dia ni, didn't he catch my name? which actually he was just kidding around. okay. doesn't matter lah. tapi sekarang, right at this very moment, aku pelik macam mana anne boleh ada crush yang begitu mendalam dengan raymond. pasal sekarang, i don't feel geli-geli anymore. you know sometimes things are better left the way they are. macam itu lah raymond. maybe he'll look pretty delicious behind the dj counter, doing his thing. tapi dua malam bersamanya sudah cukup buat aku kerap bermuka macam ini: -___-
betul. i'm a very impatient person and for me to be dealing with somebody who talks at least 3seconds per word, pengsan aku dibuatnya. maybe he's just pretty like that, as an art you can just watch but not deal with. i produced two different designs with two colours each. when i opened the file on the graphic designing software, he wanted the sampah-sampah yang di tepi fliers aku buat.


seperti yang telah aku katakan dalam entri sebelum ini, mungkin ada sesuatu yang dia nampak unik tentang sampah-sampah itu pasal he was high on grass. or maybe that's the vulgar part he wanted. haih. in a positive way, at least in the future i know how to handle artistic clients like him because i'm quite a junior designer myself. hingusan, orang tua-tua kata. still learning to stand with my two feet in this durjana city. he's a superstar dj and a very valuable asset to me too. pasal siang tadi pervert design called up asking for a draft for one of their themed nights. well, if my design flow goes with their other fliers. we'll see.

dan yang berdiri berhampiran, terlihat akan titisan air matanya yang jatuh satu-persatu ke atas dada yang kini kosong. ditinggalkan.

Passersby were looking at her, as if they could erase it.








siang tadi, waktu matahari tegak tergantung di atas kepala, matanya silau.
lalu dia dilanggar lori yang besar. lori yang membawa konkrit basah.
jasadnya terkulai hancur-berkecai. rohaninya merintih, cuba mengejar.
kenapa tidak dibekukan saja dirinya dalam konkrit yang sedang berputar itu?

transportation impian

piaggio vespa scooter with sidecar

when we were young, vibrant and irresponsible, anne and i like to sit at the mamak stall on weekends and stare at people's asses. no kidding. our guy friends were always annoyed at us looking at their asses and compared them with each other's. kami macam ada sesungut pengesan, dari jauh mampu detect kehadiran asses yang hot. owh. our favourites: abang-abang skinhead yang pakai seluar ketat-seketat-ketatnya yang jalan ramai-ramai depan kami. uhuh. uhuh. bukan yang nowadays kinda skinny jeans. sekarang those skinny jeans comes with skinny ass. no fun. where to grab? no where. mendengar deruan enjin motor vespa mereka lagi membuatkan kami teruja. to date a hot skinhead guy with vespa is our everyday dream. nah! sekarang, kalau aku ada duit yang bertimbun dan boleh handle maintenance, aku mahu vespa yang tertera di atas itu. bronze like that. perfect.

1968 mustang fastback

sports car perlu warna merah. baru mengaum. i've always got a thing for vintage stuff since i can't remember when. maybe since the first time i had my mom's blouse on. or that day in the early 90's when i dreamt of wearing her red heels when i grow up. aah, malangnya saiz kaki aku telah melepasi saiz kasutnya. oh well. i'll have this red mustang instead. anyone?

Austin A40 Farina MkI

yang si biru comel ini, aku akan pandu around town when it's raining (pasal malas nak pegang payung duduk dalam sidecar). thanks to kurang-waras, i found my car. yang perlu aku miliki pasal kami ada suatu ikatan yang cun. kira ini kereta aku juga. lagu yang sesuai berkumandang sewaktu memandu kereta yang ini, pada pendapat aku, lagu dari the brian setzer orchestra. comel.



if i'm a rich bitch by the end of next year...

business hidup

aah...

kadang-kadang hidup ini macam melintas track litar F1 di sepang sewaktu mereka sedang berlumba. kau tahu the chances of you getting hit at least by a car is very high, tapi kau masih teruskan langkah kau to get to the other side. sebab dalam masa yang sama, kau fikir yang para pemandu kelas dunia itu adalah pemandu hebat, mungkin mereka pantas mengelak.

tapi sebenarnya, kau tak begitu penting pun pada mereka.

kau tahu di iraq sana ada peperangan yang sedang berlaku sejak berkurun lamanya. most of the war victims, dead or alive, are innocent people. tapi kau, yang tiada kena-mengena sangat, buat cool dan jalan di tengah-tengah jalanraya yang dikelilingi bangunan musnah ranap, sambil bersiul. and you know, silap haribulan, ada peluru yang datang menyambar nyawa kau. yang paling best, mungkin sebutir bom. tak kisahlah yang military atau yang dibuat sendiri. janji bom. pasal kau fikir yang mungkin salah satu pihak will shout at you to get out of the way or come and rescue you.

tapi mereka tak peduli sangat pun.

because dude, in the first place, you know that life is a risky business.

F.A.A.Qs

which stands for Frequently Asked ANNOYING Questions. woi, zimmermann. kena tag pun considered annoying juga, tahu? tapi aku buat juga pasal aku malas lah nak putus-putus kawan ni. hehe.

1- "Hi. Mana (insert your ex's name here)?"
owh, c'mon people. you know that we're not together anymore. no need for awkward questions, okay?

2- "(insert your ex's name here) dengan siapa eh sekarang?"
dulu aku tahu lah. dah tentu sekarang aku MALAS nak ambil tahu. *soalan ini memang ketara soalan cari gaduh/bikin drama.

3- "So korang sekarang ni apa?"
sibuk uh tanya pasal status orang. please don't pressure me on my relationship, it's like you can't help rushing me into things, get married and get kids.

4- "Bila nak kahwin?"
it seems that this is like the FAVOURITE-frequently-asked-annoying-question. yang paling best kalau makcik-makcik saudara yang attack. kalau ada boyfriend, boleh lah jawab "insyaAllah". kalau yang baru broke-up with their long time boyfriend? mahu menangis anak buah makcik tu. sudah-sudah lah.

5- "Kau kerja apa eh kat sana?"
entah. pasal aku selalu saja rasa guilty answering this question with "graphic designer". jadi aku tak suka sangat dengan soalan yang ini.


okay. listed below are you people who have to list down your F.A.A.Qs:
n
A.K.A.B.
melayu minimalis
saharil
lucius maximus
adifitri

senandung konspirasi

di sudut usang itu
tinggi melangit
yang tiada langsung tarikannya
kelihatan seekor labah-labah
mengait tekun
satu konspirasi
tentang rahsia
yang hanya si pengait tahu

si labah-labah yang mencari mangsa
mengisi perut yang kosong
meniti hari-hari mendatang
meneruskan kehidupan
dan dalam kehidupannya yang tidak begitu penting
pada mata-mata kasar
dia punya rahsia

seperti manusia yang sibuk
melangkah lalu-lintas di kota
yang bersut hitam
sibuk membincangkan hal dunia
dan bila tiba malam
senantiasa rindu akan sesuatu
konspirasi peribadi yang bermain
di setiap penjuru kepala mereka

di sebalik perkataan-perkataan
yang aku eja satu-persatu dan ucap
ada satu konspirasi
yang aku senandungkan
sebelum terlena
dibuai mimpi
menggapai bintang di langit gelap

-fzk-

owh Tuhan

kenapa perlu secubit hati ini masih ada melekat pada dia yang ignorant itu?
semangat aku ini perlu disemai supaya jadi kuat.

Kamu tolong ya, Tuhan?
aku berlutut-sujud di sini.

chemistry yang tak membosankan

we had the usual late-night-in-car conversations over the weekend. i like having conversations with john.j. macam banyak saja yang perlu diperkatakan. even though we have quite a number of resemblances, what we talked about are much interesting than the previous conversations i had with some other guys. "aku rasa kita dah semakin serasi." i agreed in silence. dalam kepala aku bermain pelbagai perkataan yang kemudiannya membentuk soalan-soalan dengan beberapa pilihan jawapan yang cuma perlu dipadankan. tapi seperti aku katakan tadi, mereka bermain-main padahal jawapannya sudah ada right under the nose. owh. i'm in deep shit pasal i think i'm currently deep in love. i know! perkataan yang terlalu heavy, right? friday night, anne menyuarakan pendapatnya: "senangnya jadi kau. you just follow your heart, like, to hell what people around you says." of course. it's something that you like, why do you have to think about other people's feelings? if you're lucky, you're gonna get hooked on that person you like, bukan orang-orang di sekeliling kau. jadi, kalau kau rasa apa yang kau sedang lakukan itu betul, degilkan hati dan pekakkan saja telinga. so what if the person that you have a crush on bukanlah antara orang favourite in this city? sedangkan pembunuh pun ada kekasih, anne. just follow your heart but of course, ada risikonya. kau selalu kata yang mengelilingi aku adalah dinding konkrit yang tebal. kita semuanya ada dinding personal masing-masing, mungkin stainless steel mahupun senipis latex kondom. dan aku benci john.j pasal dia suka tarik batu-bata aku satu-persatu. entah ilmu mana dia pakai. "you know, i always fall for hard-to-handle guys. for instance, artists like you. girls go head-over-heels over guys like you people because artists are deep and passionate people. buat hati perempuan geli-geli suka. i don't find 'heart hot as a skateboarder instead i found him hot as a photographer." a personal statement from my point of view. kelemahan aku: lelaki-lelaki yang side femininnya lebih terserlah. not a complete hetero, tapi masih ada ciri-ciri yang kadang-kadang tanpa disedari muncul dengan tidak sengaja: "emm, muka berminyak, tak cakap pun." ya, john.j yang mengada-ngada. mungkin kekurangan sifat feminin dalam diri aku which made me attracted to guys like these? i'm not sure myself. tapi kan, keserasian yang sangat-sangat pun agak membimbangkan aku.

agak uh.

vectorized tyutnik

moot!

this is what i have been working on since 10.30am this morning. aww. sayang dia.

i'd lick pharrell anytime

yezzir!

pharrell williams was in hong kong yesterday. check out the ice cream store. cool huh?

a box for you

this is the box
i made for you

it's not round
and i'm not perfect

this is the box
i want you to own it

it's made of brown cardboard
and easy to be crushed

this is the box
where you can keep things

it's nothing special
but it's a gift of heart

this is the box
and i'm inside



i am this box
and you own me.

-fzk-

nyah-kan

air yang jatuh menimpa ubun kepala
diwaktu pagi subuh tadi
buat aku terkejut lalu statik

1...2...3...

bangkit!
aduh!
masa-masa yang lampau apa yang aku untung?
kosong
rugi banyak dalam diri, luar ini

ini sifatnya yang perlu aku nyah-kan
ini sifatnya yang tidak perlu aku kawan-kan
pergi!
mampus!
jadi selama ini aku hanya bahan ketawa, bukan?

nah!
aku sudah bangkit
dan kamu, wahai penghuni kota durjana

jaga kamu.

-fzk-

jatuh katil

aku terduduk di bahu jalan. bau tar yang warnanya gelap masih kuat. tapak tangan kanan aku rabakan ke lutut. ada luka. ada rasa pedih.

ya. aku telah jatuh.

luka yang ada rasa pedih. tapi aku tidak menangis. pipi aku yang gebu ini, yang kamu selalu geram untuk mencubitnya, tidak basah dengan air mata. mata aku tidak merah, muka aku tidak buruk dengan mimik muka yang sedih.

kerana aku sudah jatuh.

this morning, i rolled on my bed and fell off on the right side of it.

a good morning vision

(10:50 AM) nikolay tyutyunnik: every morning i try to appreciate things that i have
(10:50 AM) nikolay tyutyunnik: i'm starting to feel it coming back to me
(10:50 AM) nikolay tyutyunnik: hehe
(10:50 AM) isaa: hehehehe
(10:50 AM) isaa: cool
(10:51 AM) isaa: every morning
(10:51 AM) isaa: i tell myself not to drive like a mad woman
(10:51 AM) isaa: i might kill myself
(10:51 AM) nikolay tyutyunnik: WAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

stepping stone. maybe

remember the fliers i did for the katapult series (gvs:p)? it was a last minute job given to me mid february and i did one design with four different colours for each week. last friday, zaskat pm-ed me up saying to come to micro's launching party on saturday. he said: "raymond nak kenal dengan you." ya. raymond, si cina hot yang buat kami anak-anak gadis kota rasa macam geli-geli everytime tengok gerak-geri dia. i'm talking about geli-geli suka/gedik. since it was 4th april when zaskar messaged me that day, i thought it was just a prank. "april fool dah lepas laa, makcik oi!" alaa, aku perlu berhati-hati untuk mengelakkan unsur-unsur perasan sendiri. then he explained: "he saw the fliers you did for katapult and he likes it. so he's interested in meeting you up to design his upcoming stuff." wah! if i were to be given the chance to choose over sleeping or doing business with raymond, i'll choose the business. superstar dj, dude. but when i look over my katapult fliers, biasa saja. maybe he was high at that time? or maybe he was listening to a tune that suited the flier? i'm not sure myself. but i'm sure excited about it *jumping up & down.

tapi belum confirm lagi. pasal belum meeting pun. that saturday night he was tired from the session plus the europe tour. so you people better pray i get this job. pray hard, okay?

tyutnik

moot!

okay. this is my first ever painting on canvas. when it was done, sayang pula untuk di-overlap-kan. but it was a good first try, huh? it was quite a relief. thanks to john.j for the therapy plus the chance to play around with his working tools.

the universe and the drain

it's weird how the person whom you used to cuddle with, sent you shivers up your spine and catered to your needs whenever you felt lost seemed so far away yet they're just standing in front of you. you were the one who used to fill his emptiness and you were always the one who made him smile whenever anything went wrong. he was your world. and you, were life and death for him. and yet, this universe where we're living in, the polluted air we've been inhaling have its own ways of turning the wheel of our lives: up there, down here. and the things you miss most are the ones not in your grasp of hands. tak menang tangan jadi salah satu perlu dilepaskan. tidak boleh tamak kerana akhir nanti kamu yang rugi. and you keep whining of the things you can't own. things you have, are dumped in a cardboard box, somewhere in the corner of your bedroom. manusia, yang kadang-kadang keji dangan nafsu. cuma kadang-kadang yang minoriti sahaja baik. nothing's ever enough.

di luar tingkap, hujan lebat mengetuk lapisan kaca yang membezakan luar dan dalam. di bawah sana, air longkang deras mengalir. menghanyutkan sisa yang ada hanya 30 minit yang lepas. biarlah. biar ia pergi. nanti bila reda, mungkin akan bersih sedikit longkang itu. tapi memang pasti, sisa yang seni akan masih melekat pada keliling dinding longkang. perlukan hakisan yang lama untuk betul-betul hilang. tapi jangan risau. sisa yang baru akan datang melekat juga. kitaran hidup bukan?

life before death

For weeks, all she’d wanted to do was die.

if you're free (obviously you are if you're reading this) check out this photography exhibition held in london. i think the idea of the exhibition is a rare one.

German photographer Walter Schels was terrified of death, but felt compelled to take these extraordinary series of portraits of people before and on the day they died. His partner Beate Lakotta recorded the poignant and revealing interviews with the subjects in their final days.

this is the end.