Be kind rewind

Jangan bodoh sombong, kelak kau akan tersadung. Jangan lupa diri, nanti kena tapik di dahi.

Always be nice to people because you will never know who's going to help you in the future. Itu hari kau bad attitude dengan kami, hari ini kau offer diri. Mungkin kami bukan target market untuk business kau, but we have friends that might be of good use to you. Dan semua orang tahu betapa powerful-nya kuasa word-of-mouth. But i gotta say this, aku respect pasal kau sanggup turunkan ego kau dan approach. Points given.

And for goodness's sake, you are human so please act like one.

Update: Half point ditarik balik pasal you didn't say thanks. Tsk tsk. Shame on you.

And she's clinging to the nearest passer by, she's lost control

Fictionita: Wahh..i can imagine u doing ur thang pastu videoclip org main bowl, pastu awek2 pakai bikini sunbathing tepi2

Puppy: Gile gile..ishh

Fictionita: Imagination kena WILD

Puppy: Omg

Fictionita: Mende?

Puppy: U wild sgt

Fictionita: Hahahaha..tahpape

Puppy: Patut la Ahmad marah. Hahahahahahaha

Fictionita: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

The worst feeling in the world is when you know you're losing someone & there's nothing you can do to prevent being replaced

"You ok?"

Aku iyakan saja walhal at that moment waktu aku pandang mukanya ada ayat transparent terapung depan mata; I'm scared to see you with someone else.

Emptiness is loneliness

"So kau nangis-nangis pegi jumpa dia, kira nak balik kat dia la?" Freja tanya.

Aku terdiam. Jari-jemari mahu tekan punat-punat atas keyboard tapi kemudian terhenti. I tilted my head to the right, mata pandang skrin tapi macam mati akal.

Hmm.

All i wanted was to touch him, bury my face in his T-shirt and cry. And i did get what i came for.

Betul Mili cakap, "They think we're happy, with friends & parties. They think we're strong but deep inside we're just lonely people."

Rubah bukan root word perubahan

Semuanya sedang berubah, manusia makin lupa tentang akar mereka, siapa diri mereka. Semuanya bersusah payah untuk fit in dan bilamasa mereka sudah fit in, they leave you. They leave behind the people that they really care about untuk bersama mereka yang doesn't really give a damn.

Mungkin sebab seseorang itu berubah adalah kerana all the lesson learnt, to be a better person. Or maybe because they've been hurt too much. So they change to protect themselves from feeling weak. Because weakness itu memalukan, no?

You know, i always worry about you. I mean, bila kau sedih, who do you turn to? Bila kau happy, dengan siapa kau mahu high-five? Must be this feelings for you aren't fake pasal aku suka mahu ambil kisah.

Or maybe it's just me being me, suka mahu fikir banyak-banyak, worry banyak-banyak.

Dan masih tiada jawapan untuk soalan 'Kenapa?'

Aku teringat sms yang kau pernah hantar dulu, sounded something like this;

'sayang, dah la tu eh? u paranoid sangat ni. i sayang u la'

Kalau aku cerita pada kawan-kawan kau, i bet they think i made this up. On how actually you're a sweet person too beneath that monotonous body language of yours. Yang kau pernah twirl me after The Rapture gig (which totally surprised me that time because i don't remember telling you yang aku memang longing for someone to just hold my hand and twirl me). Tapi kau macam aku, ada walls cuma simen aku gred C dan simen kau gred A dengan lapisan keluli. And now aku paling risau kalau kau pecah tembelang yang sebenarnya aku tidaklah se-hot yang diuar-uarkan pasal untuk jadi hot, confidence is a must.

Aku masih rindu kau dan sepatutnya aku cari kau tapi i guess i have to keep my promise and stick to the plan, huh? I wish i could be as good as you at being cold hearted.

Dan untuk melupakan kau sepenuhnya, i shouldn't be posting anything yang ada kena-mengena dengan kau lagi, bukan?

Tapi goodbyes ni macam satu tusukan di dada, macam bucu skateboard yang tercampak di tengah-tengah rusuk. Tiada darah instead kecederaan dalaman, hurts like hell.

Trendy for the fun of it so let's make fun of it

Hidup kita tidaklah sesusah mana, mahupun senang. And life is not unfair, it's actually fair pasal kalau selalu sangat di atas roda, nanti lupa daratan lalu jadi angkuh kemudian memakan diri sendiri. Aku kira, hidup di kota memang agak susah, to catch with everything around us. Eventhough the escalator here in kota durjana tidak sepantas di kota singa, but still, pembangunan berkejaran sesama sendiri. Termasuk individu yang terlibat dalam sistem harian kota durjana. Each of us racing to grab our identities. Siapa yang dulu, siapa yang tiru. How everyone avoided to be everyone else but at the end of the day they became the majority.

Anne datang singgah makan late Italian lunch. We had a conversation about kids hanging out at Pavillion, trends and hipsters. Weird, but i always cringe at the word 'hipster'. Probably because i'm one or maybe not. Dan aku selalu pity mereka yang di gelar hipsters pasal you can't help it, really. Mungkin perkara yang sama terjadi 20-30 years ago but i really don't know. Should google up facts or wiki things up but i'm just too lazy. Aku cuma mahu type apa yang aku rasa tanpa dipengaruhi oleh anasir or M. Nasir, whichever.

Okay. I think i have an issue with tumblr. People reposting stuff from other peopl who repost stuff from other people too. Aku selalu pening mahu cari the real source, but what the heck, in this century, nothing's original anymore. Terlalu banyak idea yang sudah disuarakan, didebatkan. Sorry, aku macam annoyed sikit tapi sukahatilah kau mahu tumblr ke, blogspot ke, wordpress ke. Kalau passion kau memang yang itu, tidak perlu pedulikan orang lain. I'm just typing what i'm feeling at the moment. Hey, maybe in 2 years time i might have my own tumblr. Who knows? They say, "never say never".

Among my siblings, i decided that i'm the black sheep. Even Anne agreed that i'm the fucked up one. I don't really communicate with my parents (like how they don't communicate at all with each other) like i'm the only one who can't sit and have a chat with them even for a mere 10 minutes pasal kemudian aku senang restless. Sometimes, aku harap yang aku boleh jadi cermin for both of them. Sometimes, aku sedih memikirkan situasi aku yang macam terabai tapi selalunya aku cuba tolak tepi the fact that i came from a broken family. Masa muda (oh tidak, aku tidaklah setua mana pun sekarang) i always pictured a broken family is where the dad is a drunkard, mom always crying, they're always fighting, loud cries from the children, broken vases, you know, benda messy macam itu. Jadi i always told myself that we're not really a broken family. Tapi aku kira, for someone from a totally picture perfect family would feel sorry for me. perbandingan masing-masing lain (like how a friend totally tekankan bahawa aku seorang hipster dan socialite walhal aku rasa ada orang yang lebih layak to be labeled that).

Satu hari yang depress, i decided to get a longboard. I've always wanted to try it, so i say, "why not?". Funny, i'm more confident when standing alone, single. Oops, timing salah pasal apparently seorang lelaki Melayu forecast bahawa longboard will be the new fixie. Hmm..i can't say much to that pasal like what i said earlier, kita semua berlumba-lumba mahu look cool, feel cool. Mahu label siapa otai and the likes. Bahh, aku hanya mahu be good at balancing, paddling and being single.

I'm 27, broken hearted and just started taking up longboard. I am so having a mid-life crisis.

So, to get over depression, lebih baik main longboard dan jadi trendy atau end it all dengan suicide?

K untuk kerinduan, kesunyian dan hanya Okay.

I was shooting a scene in my new film, No Strings Attached, in which I say to Natalie Portman,

“If you miss me. you can’t text, you can’t email, you can’t post it on my Facebook wall. If you really miss me, you come and see me.” - Ashton Kutcher

Satu hari, a few months back, we were talking about dreams to be achieved by 30. perkara-perkara kenapa dan bagaimana. I remember after a friend voiced out an opinion, aku quote satu ayat dari buku yang aku sedang baca waktu itu, i think it was Sartre's The Age of Reason. Kemudian kawan aku tersengih sinis, katanya, "aku dah agak kau akan cakap something. why do we, humans have to quote others?" Hmm..got me thinking.

I have to say, aku memang seorang yang taksub quotes (movies/books). Cuma lately quotes tentang hope & love aku macam tidak gemar sangat. Bollocks. I guess we choose and stick to the quotes that express our feelings. Or maybe we let it decide for us. Okay, so that'll be my case because i'm always in denial like that. Dude, i totally stole that line from Grey's Anatomy and used it on someone dan outcome-nya sama dengan apa yang terjadi dalam that tv series; he didn't pick me.

my God, i lead a very funny life indeed.

But then i found this post, about Ashton Kutcher saying that maybe the person who invented mobile phone is a man indeed (lelaki paling malas mahu cakap telefon/reply sms, hadap whines dan drama jadi mereka lebih prefer text messages TAPI kalau depan mata, cepat betul mahu capai -_-"). Sooo true. I'm totally awed by this post, coming from Ashton Kutcher (never a fan of him).

After reading the article, guess what i did? I posted it on Facebook.

And then i went to see that very person i was missing so much. Wasn't a brilliant idea tapi aku rasa kalau aku tahan (*batuk kecil 'degil'), aku tidak akan puas hati. Macam ada hutang yang belum selesai, tak keruan. Walaupun masih ada tears tapi buat aku rasa life's not so bad after all. Though it's not forever (because nothing is forever; happiness, sadness) but it'll do for now. Once in a while, bila kau terlupa tentang ego, it can make you feel good. I know, i know, i've failed dalam mengeraskan hati. Memang aku tidak boleh jadi lelaki pasal aku selalu tidak sampai hati.

Teka-teki: masa berlalu dengan pantas; pejam-celik and you're an old fag. Tapi kenapa masa berlalu sangat perlahan dalam penantian?

Under cover, hide away

I find shelter, in this way.
Under cover, hide away.
Can you hear, when I say?
I have never felt this way.

Hello, have we met before? No, we are strangers.

While i was crying under the shower this morning, i heard Abah whistling outside, doing laundry, "somewhere..over the rainbow...". How random.

I wish to be that person who can loosen you up, make you laugh. I wish i am that person that you will find just so i can listen to your problems. I wish that you will remember me every night when you close your eyes to slumber and when you wake up every morning, it's my name that's stuck on the tip of your tongue. I wish you chased me back then when i went away, find me when i was nowhere to be found. I wish you tried. I wish we tried harder.

I wish i didn't ask you out in the first place. I wish you didn't want the relationship. For what it's worth, i wish i didn't know you at all if i knew how broken hearted i'd be to have fallen in love with you. Because feeling hurt sucks big time.

Yes i remember how we can't connect. That's why i chose to forget everything. It's nice that you wanna be friends, but that's not helping.

I'm setting myself on fire. The burning hurts but once it's done, i can just vacuum off the ashes.

Heartbreaks

Expect it. It's either you get broken hearted or you break someone's heart.