chemistry yang tak membosankan

we had the usual late-night-in-car conversations over the weekend. i like having conversations with john.j. macam banyak saja yang perlu diperkatakan. even though we have quite a number of resemblances, what we talked about are much interesting than the previous conversations i had with some other guys. "aku rasa kita dah semakin serasi." i agreed in silence. dalam kepala aku bermain pelbagai perkataan yang kemudiannya membentuk soalan-soalan dengan beberapa pilihan jawapan yang cuma perlu dipadankan. tapi seperti aku katakan tadi, mereka bermain-main padahal jawapannya sudah ada right under the nose. owh. i'm in deep shit pasal i think i'm currently deep in love. i know! perkataan yang terlalu heavy, right? friday night, anne menyuarakan pendapatnya: "senangnya jadi kau. you just follow your heart, like, to hell what people around you says." of course. it's something that you like, why do you have to think about other people's feelings? if you're lucky, you're gonna get hooked on that person you like, bukan orang-orang di sekeliling kau. jadi, kalau kau rasa apa yang kau sedang lakukan itu betul, degilkan hati dan pekakkan saja telinga. so what if the person that you have a crush on bukanlah antara orang favourite in this city? sedangkan pembunuh pun ada kekasih, anne. just follow your heart but of course, ada risikonya. kau selalu kata yang mengelilingi aku adalah dinding konkrit yang tebal. kita semuanya ada dinding personal masing-masing, mungkin stainless steel mahupun senipis latex kondom. dan aku benci john.j pasal dia suka tarik batu-bata aku satu-persatu. entah ilmu mana dia pakai. "you know, i always fall for hard-to-handle guys. for instance, artists like you. girls go head-over-heels over guys like you people because artists are deep and passionate people. buat hati perempuan geli-geli suka. i don't find 'heart hot as a skateboarder instead i found him hot as a photographer." a personal statement from my point of view. kelemahan aku: lelaki-lelaki yang side femininnya lebih terserlah. not a complete hetero, tapi masih ada ciri-ciri yang kadang-kadang tanpa disedari muncul dengan tidak sengaja: "emm, muka berminyak, tak cakap pun." ya, john.j yang mengada-ngada. mungkin kekurangan sifat feminin dalam diri aku which made me attracted to guys like these? i'm not sure myself. tapi kan, keserasian yang sangat-sangat pun agak membimbangkan aku.

agak uh.