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1. sedang mata aku melilau membaca text against the white screen in front of me, elle sibuk membuat nescafe di dapur.
"kau jarang cakap pasal lucid kan?" she asked, putting two tall cups on the table.
"yeah..." mata aku masih melekat di skrin laptop.
"aku sedar kau tak banyak cerita sangat pasal lucid berbanding azuki. you don't love lucid, do you?" buat aku shrug my shoulders. to neutralize the situation, aku ketawa kecil.
"mungkin macam my love life. not ready yet to take the same kind of responsibilities. or aku masih rindu kot," i joked. dia jeling.
"meaning lucid tu cuma macam infatuation?" bunyinya macam mahu marah. aku gelak.
"entah." and proceed scrolling the page in front of me.



2. "aku rasa aku perlu jumpa psychiatrist." anne turned to look at me. her eyes wandered across my face searching for possible answers that maybe can led to the sentence i just blurted out.
"why?" she asked when she couldn't find the answer.
"i don't know. i just feel like doing so." i shrugged.



3. john.j, bila soalan yang ditanya-nya, aku jawab dengan jawapan yang sama, dia akan kata:
"come on. kita makan sebab lapar, kan?" dan aku akan tergelak. bila dia tanya lagi soalan yang sama, otak aku cuba memproses jawapan.
"hmm...i don't know."



tiga conversations, dengan jawapan yang sama. slowly realizing it, this is the root of my problems. i don't know what i want. i don't even know what i don't know.