can you fill me in?i've come to realize that i have nothing. nothing inside, nothing to give, nothing to share. exactly like an empty jar. i have no passion, no talent and it feels like all the things up in my head, from school, college and mistakes have been drained along the way. my colour has gone dull and you can't spot any lights on me anywhere. even the slightest bit. i'm no longer good at anything that even my cat left me.
"azuki dah balik?"
"belum."
"nanti dia balik lah. jangan sedih, okay?" 'heart tried to sooth me.
"mmhmm..."
"hey, jangan sedih"
-
"you? hello?"
-
"dengar tak?"
"mmhmm...okay" my eyes couldn't hold back the tears. as i said before, i hate to be alone, helpless and dependent. mungkin naluri curiosity kejantanan azuki sudah membuak. or he doesn't love me anymore.
i had a dream last night. la science des reves was playing on the laptop before i dozed off into my own personal movie. abah was still a dentist but his clinic, instead of the big government facing the traffic of the city, was just a small one, in one of the shop lots in front of central market. i came and pick him up from work, he was smiling. he told me of a friend named kopi that he always have philosophical conversations with. out of the corner of the clinic came a guy with a black t-shirt, cargo shorts, black baseball cap & glasses and waved towards abah. weird. that particular kopi looked exactly like that SDN blogger. the dream was brown in colour like of those vintage movies. somehow, mimpi itu buat aku bahagia. buat aku rasa perasaan sewaktu kami semua masih sebuah keluarga. a dream that i wouldn't mind re-playing over & over again. aku macam kehilangan. rasa rindu. tapi tidak begitu pasti apa yang dicari, apa yang dirindui.
Tiada ulasan:
Catat Ulasan