hari-hari aku pergi office dengan keadaan depress. aku pun tidak begitu clear kenapa. mungkin the job, mungkin the surroundings. semalam, ada dua orang kawan yang begitu bersemangat encouraging me to still stick to this line, cuma post yang berbeza. aku tidak tahu which part yang mereka nampak yang ada unsur-unsur membolehkan i do and can stay in this line. tapi aku suka jenis kawan yang suka encourage macam mereka. the kind yang sangat murah hati dengan sokongan. anyway, aku pun memang jenis yang senang percaya orang and i don't have any problem with trying. tapi copywriter? mungkin belum lagi. in my opinion, to be a copywriter, yang cikai-cikai pun, kau perlu smart dan pandai elaborate words. mungkin aku perlu buat kajian terlebih dahulu.
mili, she haven't been doing anything besides her weekend job at abah's friend's clinic since she's done with her studies. partied hard and waited until after eid to get her life working. a nice friend of hers offered a p.a. job to a local artist and how lucky, she got the job. without any experiences but i guess the people at the production label saw her potential. i was happy for her. but abah wasn't. he was raging mad about it. it was unfair. you can't just went away and leave the family and then come around so you can kononnya set things right. aku ada seorang abang dan seorang adik dan unfortunately, none of us grew up to be anything in the book. his book. i remember when i was in secondary school, he said, "you can be anything you want but not singers or performers. i won't have any nonsense of that." of course, sampai sekarang he doesn't know i had a band. aku sedih for mili's situation. semuanya sudah gone wrong. along, sejak dari aku kecil lagi, i can see his effort in trying to be the best brother. but lately macam banyak sangat perkara yang sudah got out of hands. he wants us to come to him for advice but he's always not answering whenever we really need help. sampai satu masa, aku sudah putus asa. dalam dunia ini, hanya kau seorang sahaja yang boleh tolong diri kau. no one else. i hate seeing my sister in tears because she always seemed less weak than i am. i look up to both my brother and my sister. jadi bila mereka collapse, aku jadi tidak tentu arah. abah was dissappointed that mili got the p.a. post to an artist, not to an oil & gas company. aku confuse kenapa along had to make that foolish lie. tanpa membincangkannya dengan mili. aku hanya mampu geleng kepala. aku beritahu mili yang lainkali kalau mahu menipu, come see me. i'm a better liar. seriously. both my siblings memang tidak pandai menipu. kan situation sudah jadi keruh. haih. post p.a. yang mili managed to grab, bagi aku adalah kerja halal. tidak teruk mana pun. semua kerja adalah kerja. mungkin ada terselit sedikit glamour dan social life yang hoo-haa but it's still a damn fucken job. kalau kau tidak buat kerja obviously there won't be any parties for you. even catwalk models pun perlu work their ass off. punca kenapa aku tidak berpeluang untuk take up fashion studies was because abah thinks fashion + wild social life blends so well together. aku sekarang buat graphic yang sangat membosankan tapi social life aku tidak ada beza (cuma tiada alkohol). sama saja. the problem is, we weren't brought up the way he wanted us to grow up to. tidak pernah ditanamkan dari kecil tentang apa yang mereka mahu kami jadi, bila dewasa nanti. sibuk dengan perasaan sendiri. sibuk dengan perang dingin. now you want to come and try to mend things right, mahu kami jadi decent people. kalau mahu pokok yang kau tanam tumbuh ke atas, awal-awal lagi kau perlu tanamkan sekali sebatang kayu supaya pokok itu boleh ikut aliran kayu itu. kalau pokok yang sudah besar tapi kau baru terfikir mahu ia tumbuh menegak, i wish you good luck. he could've at least let her do the one month probation. it's just not fair.
my brother's girlfriend, the one i'm not too keen about, ayahnya dari johor, emaknya, apparently dari negeri sembilan. raya ke-berapa, mili said, that along said, that abah told him not to marry negeri sembilan girls. wow. mak aku asalnya orang negeri sembilan. does this mean, from what abah said, that nobody should marry his daughters too? no wonder love life aku dan mili macam tidak ada ong. rupanya sudah disumpah awal-awal lagi.
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