we've never celebrated valentine's. i totally forgot it's february the 14th today. if we're still together, still in love, today would be our 4th year anniversary. the usual dinner, the gift exchange and later the so called love bonding. but not this year, not today i guess. 'heart said he waited for me to call him up and wish him which i didn't because we've never celebrated valentine's and since we're on a time off, there's no reason why i should be calling him and excitedly say "happy 4th anniversary!". risau juga aku. have i become that heartless? memang aku ni dah terus tawar hati ke? yesterday i was on leave because the night before i had sushi and it didn't do good to my stomach (maybe plus the butterflies, no?), threw up twice and fever came to stay. i was at peace, just lying there in my bed. no whines from 'heart. i should've just stayed at home today but i forgot it's the 14th because i know there'll be a lot more of whines later today.
last tuesday night, i unbuilt a quarter of my walls and called john. asked if it was okay to see him the same night. he said "yeah" and continuously asked me to attend his upcoming exhibition. i told him of course i'll come. i'm excited for a friend.
"you have to come. it's for you." john tahu cara cairkan aku. biasalah. orang seni. and as we bid goodbye to each other, he kissed my hand, sending an electric shock through my spine. cerita kami macam movie kan? john dan aku adalah mimpi, artwork yang dia buat waktu awal perkenalan kami. artwork dari hati, kata john. perasaan ini (cinta ke?) is what i've been dreaming about. since i was a naive virgin and i'm still dreaming of it. alas, i'm feeling it. but again, isn't it all too fast? and what am i supposed to do with 'heart? right now, the only wise decision is for me to leave both and go home empty handed.
an sms to a friend: "yang dikejar tak dapat, yang dikendong doesn't make me happy."
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