my imaginary friend

istilah gila bayang, to me, bermaksud bila kamu create an imaginary friend of your own. okay. pada umur 24 ini, itu adalah gila. but it helps. i'm feeling dejavu. somehow i've felt this somewhere in the years i've lived. bukan imaginary friend pasal itu aku selalu alami. ini. situasi ini di mana cuba menjauhi sesuatu. stopping myself from falling slowly and of course, later crash. bila sudah crash, menyusahkan surroundings dengan bebelan hampa. tak mungkin aku gila pasal aku sendiri yang mengakui kegilaan ini, bukan? yes. my imaginary friend does have a name. but i'm not telling. everytime he walks next to me, he leaves an array of colours behind him. dia macam hantu. sometimes he grabs my hand, seeping some colours through. sometimes when we were having mute conversations, he'll make a sarcastic face and tease me of my own words. he always have this tie-dye shirt on, smelling very daisy-like. i asked him to put on some other coloured shirt tapi dia hanya buat pekak. kadang-kadang, bila aku dikelilingi crowd, i tend to miss having him around. one night he told me that he can't be hanging around too long dan aku terus jadi sayu. aku kata "kamu kan imaginary friend aku. kamu milik aku. dalam dunia fantasi aku sendiri. kenapa perlu jadi milik orang lain?" dan dengan perlahan dia akan menggelengkan kepala. sweetheart, i don't want to grow up. i want to have you there next to me forever. i refuse for other people to see your existence. i forbid. and he held my hand seerat-erat yang mungkin.

jadi, kalau kamu terpandang aku yang tersenyum sendirian, jangan ditegur. buat saja macam kamu tak nampak apa-apa yang aneh berlaku.