the wants ranting

i want a lot of things. i want to get real with my career. i want to work the things that i like most. i want to achieve something and be respected for what i work hard for. i want to do something exciting, that doesn’t bore the hell out of me. i want to be organized, to be punctual. i want to hold and fulfill the promises i uttered. i want to drop everything and travel the world. i want to be rich and get to do the things i want and need to do. i want to buy a house that i design myself. i want to do charity. i want this broken heart to mend. i want to fall in love. i want to believe that being single is fun. i want him to be nice all over again and paint about me. i want him to keep a nude portrait of me in his wallet. i want to be written. i want him to strum his guitar for me. i want my girlfriends to feel that i’m their best friend ever. i want to grow old with them close to me. i want to hug mak everyday without feeling awkward. i want to know what KLPHQ’s considering life is all about. i want to know why they named that song ‘of polaroids and stills’. i want to sing in a band again. i want to play the guitar or piano, write great tunes and sing it for someone important to me. i want him to be honest to me. i want him to realize that i am his fate. i want her to find out the truth and suffer. i want to tell abah about his mistakes. i want to tell my brother that i’m not into his current girlfriend. i want mili to stop mingling with the wrong type of people. i want to read books for someone. i want to go around sleeping with strangers but not to be called a slut. i want her boyfriend. i want her boyfriend to want me. i want to perform bondage. i want to get married on a secluded island with only my friends attending. i want to shoot my wedding photos underwater. i want to run across the tall grasses behind my workplace. i want to eat ice-cream whenever i’m feeling down, without getting fat. i want to be skinny and look good in anything i wear. i want to have smaller breasts so men would not just look at me and think about breast-fuck. i want to speak good English. i want to learn French. i want to be smart. i want to forget and at the same time stop forgetting. i want to focus when somebody is explaining things to me. i want to be beautiful, not pretty or gorgeous, but beautiful. i want to be good with colours. i want to satisfy everyone. i want to stop daydreaming and get real. i want people to take me seriously. i want to stay young and free forever. i want to snort coke and feel sexy about it. i want to drink up alcohol and spark up conversations without worrying too much. i want to do right with my religion. i want good fortunes. i want God to know that i’m afraid of dooms day and death. i want to fight being mellow and pathetic. i want to get rid of the walls around me. I want to throw away my ego. i want to be nice. i want to talk bad things about her. i want her to know of our late night conversations. i want her bad karma to kick hard on her head. i want to stop this jealousy. i want to post general entries on my blog. i want to cook delicious meals for my loved ones. i want to shop everyday; shoes, clothes, bags, furniture. i want to clear my debts and stop worrying. i want to remember every morning to appreciate this simple kind of life i’m living everyday. i want the war to stop. i want to turn back the time and mend all the shits that happened. i want to stop being sarcastic. i want to know which way to go. i want to know what i really need and want. i want to stop spending on craps. i want to be a writer and write good stuff. i want to socialize well. i want to live a stylish lifestyle. i want to be known. i want to be left alone when i’m not in a good mood. i want to stop smoking. i want to live a healthy lifestyle. i want to keep my dark secrets to myself. i want to stop lying. i want to stop analyzing my dreams. i want to sleep a good sleep every night. i want to make him believe that i want him. i want to hold hands and cuddle in doors when it’s raining outside. i want to have late supper at mcdonald’s. i want to keep track of my money. i want to redecorate mak’s place. i want to get involve with nature. i want a white horse. i want to make friends instead of flirting. i want to be a malay woman. i want to speak Javanese. i want to be appreciated. i want to be remembered. i want to be normal. i want to stop whining. i want a lot of things.